Man Arrested For Masturbating on United Flight

[Blue_Tires]

Kyle Pearce, 25, flew United from Spokane to Denver last Thursday, The Smoking Gun reports. He was arrested at the airport by FBI agents and charged with "obscene and indecent exposure of his person" on an aircraft.

An 18-year-old girl seated across the aisle from Pearce told investigators in a written statement, "I sat next to a man on a plane who was masterbating . I heard a noise and looked over and saw his penis." Wait. There's more: "He ejaculated & got some on the seat. Then he went to the bathroom for a long time."

Another passenger, 18-year-old Grayson Miller, testified:

"My friend Zach turned to me and said, ‘That man is masturbating' and in disbelief, I looked and saw his penis and he was...I hit him with my book in the arm, which caused him to stop and leave to the bathroom."

As a public service, TSG has been obsessively tracking the movements of the befouled Airbus A319 as though they were some kind of Jizz Traffic Control tower. Bearing the tail number N843UA, it's criss-crossed the country at least 12 times since the incident, and was last seen heading from San Diego to the nation's capital.

http://gawker.com/5804921/

http://www.airliners.net/aviation-forums/general_aviation/read.main/5153275/

[slackmaster]

1. What's his DU screen name?

:hide:

[SpiralHawk]

2. Freddy the Freeper Creep (R)

SuckerPuppet (R) to the RepubliCorp Billionaire BlowHard Borg, skulking around DU attempting to shift the blame for RepubliPerversion onto innocent DUers.

Republicon Family Cesspool Values.

As usual.

[slackmaster]

15. I just had to look to see if we had any names that start with "Onan"

We do, and neither are active posters.

[pinboy3niner]

3. LOL!

:rofl:

[ohnoyoudidnt]

54. Dude

I have no idea

[dembotoz]

4. maybe he enjoyed the security exam a little to much

[raccoon]

5. I wonder if this guy has mental problems. nt

[Demoiselle]

24. Yes, I think he does have mental problems.

How awful and sad.

[pinboy3niner]

6. You can take my _______ when you pry it from my cold, dead hand

:evilgrin:

[Le Taz Hot]

7. This reminds me of an episode of

"Sons of Anarchy" when they picked up a guy who had a slight "tick." Turns out he had OMD (Obsessive Masturbation Disorder). The look on these big, bad bikers' faces when his "tick" became evident was probably the funniest moment I've ever witnessed on TV. Truly a :wtf: moment.

[Rebubula]

29. Sam Crow

That show is fucking epic entertainment. Well written, acted and filmed.

Agreed on the wanking accountant - that was definitely a wtf moment.

[WillParkinson]

8. Young Mr. Pearce

Perhaps too much drink makes him...not shrink.

[originalpckelly]

14. He's not so bad looking.

Why do I always sit next to the 80 year old man who decides to spank his monkey, and not the young hot 25 year old?

[Poll_Blind]

9. "...as though they were some kind of Jizz Traffic Control tower..."

:rofl:

PB

[XemaSab]

60. Best line ever

:rofl:

[JVS]

10. "in disbelief, I looked and saw his penis" Case dismissed, if she didn't want to see, she'd not...

have looked.

[jberryhill]

28. Clearly an invasion of the man's privacy

He went through the self-service line at the TSA checkpoint.

[Initech]

11. "It's not illegal it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane. "

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."
"Yeah well maybe after 9/11 when everyone got so insensitive. Thanks a lot bin Laden."

[deacon]

12. I never heard of anyone that loved flying that much. n/t

[originalpckelly]

13. Come again?

[buddysmellgood]

16. What an idiot. Everyone knows you can't do that in coach.

[MilesColtrane]

17. He took it out.

[bullwinkle428]

37. I'M OUT!! I'M OUT OF THE CONTEST!

[Fuddnik]

18. First smoking, now choking your chicken.

Where will it all end?

Fascists!

[Historic NY]

19. Really, things are just getting out of hand.

[RedCloud]

21. Snap!. You "beat" me by a second!

[RedCloud]

20. So did this masturbation get out of hand?

[KansDem]

22. It's those damn inflight magazines!

United Airlines "Hemispheres," Southwest Airlines "Spirit Magazine," Frontier Airlines "Wild Blue Yonder," to name a few...

Hubba-hubba!!!

[global1]

23. You Forgot SkyMall......nt

[KansDem]

25. Oh, yeah! "SkyMall"

Hubba-hubba!!!

[Viking 1]

52. Oh thanks a lot!

I just creamed my trousers.

[Warren DeMontague]

63. "Help! I'm completely aroused by overpriced, totally useless crap!"

"I'm shuffling around in a crusty bathrobe for 3 days after the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog arrives. Before the Sharper Image went out of business, I was a wreck."

[nichomachus]

49. A few years ago, I was flying first-class on American

The guy next to me was a grossly overweight businessman in a rumpled three-piece suit. He was ostensibly reading the in-flight mag, but inside it, he had a pretty graphic porn magazine. It could have been an OB-GYN text book. It was all very disgusting, but I didn't have him arrested.

[Bombero1956]

26. I guess he's the master of his domain

I just had to say it.

[Initech]

43. King of the castle

[Javaman]

27. Personally, I welcome our...wait, no I don't. nt

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

30. He probably didn't realize that he couldn't join the Mile High club without a partner.

[jberryhill]

32. It's the "Half Mile High Club"

You get a 50% altitude credit if you are alone.

It also qualifies for the United Sticky Carpet Club program.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

33. hahahahaha!!!

[hifiguy]

31. Now we know who will play Quagmire

in the "Family Guy" live action movie...

Giggity gig-gity goo!

[arbusto_baboso]

34. Aw, he was just "flying the friendly skies".

Thank you.

I'll be here all week.

[Initech]

35. Technically he was flying the way-too-friendly skies.

[MilesColtrane]

45. He loves to fly...and it shows.

[arbusto_baboso]

53. !

:spray: :rofl: :applause:

[Forkboy]

36. He was just depressurizing.

[Shagbark Hickory]

38. If that is the worst of her complaints, I guess things are improving with air travel then, huh?

:shrug:

[closeupready]

39. Does he live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn?

:rofl:

[Warren DeMontague]

40. Ah, another 'planesturbator'.

Verily, flying has become the greyhound of the skies.

[Warren DeMontague]

41. It's the TSA's fault!

They groped his junk but didn't finish.

[Stevenmarc]

42. Gone are good old days when we looked forward to a free bag of nuts

[nichomachus]

46. Well, this guy brought his own

And look what it got him

[marmar]

44. Strokes on a Plane

nt

[Marr]

47. I can't blame him-- have you ever LOOKED at that Sky Mall magazing?

Eh? Ehhh?

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

48. "When I was in Omaha, Eddie Shore sent me a guy who was a terrible masterbator"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zM6Na3cZz8

[joeybee12]

50. Will when you stop giving passengers free food, this is boudn to happen

:evilgrin:

[madinmaryland]

56. REALLY????

Personal experience, joey??

:P

[nichomachus]

51. I thought they wanted him in the "full upright and locked position"

[donheld]

55. Wacky

[AsahinaKimi]

57. Whats that famous line again?

[Ilsa]

68. I'm sick tired these gd mf snakes on a mf plane!

[The Midway Rebel]

58. I remember when planes had a stroking section.

Oh wait. Thats smoking section. Nevermind.

[Poll_Blind]

59. And wih that you WIN the thread!

:rofl:

PB

[Nailzberg]

61. International flight I could understand, but Spokane to Denver?

[Warren DeMontague]

64. Perhaps they were stuck in a

"holding pattern".

[LiberalAndProud]

67. International flights: way too much time to spend with strangers after the thrill is gone.

I can only imagine the uncomfortable aftermath.

[Starry Messenger]

62. And they say kids today don't find any use for books.

:hide:

[OneGrassRoot]

65. *clapping*

Best laugh I've had in a while. Nearly every post is DUzy worthy!

:applause: :applause: :applause:

:yourock:

[lonestarnot]

66. One-eyed snakes on a motherfucking plane.