For my fellow parents of adult children . . . . .

[Stinky The Clown]

. . . . do you, too, seem to get stupider the older and more outspoken your kids become?

I find that things I know I knew since I knew I knew things have suddenly become no longer true.

"Dad, you can't do *that* because its stupid. Here's the way to do it."

That is said no matter the topic. Lawn mowing, bill paying, ass wiping, working at marriage, speaking to bank tellers, making a doctor's appointment, and brushing your teeth are but a few examples.

I find it less and less difficult to understand why some species eat their young.

Yes, I truly love my kids unconditionally. But they sure do make it hard to do so.

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[TimLighter]

2. I always found that the older I got the smarter my parents became

When I was in HS and College they were just so stupid it was amazing they could succeed in life at all.

[gkhouston]

3. So you're saying I should eat my kid now before she gets tough and sinewy?

After all, who knows how much longer I'll have my own teeth? :shrug:

[bobbolink]

4. Live on love and eat your babies.

:rofl:

There's a Tom Lehrer song that applies. :hi:

[EFerrari]

9. If she's talking already, it may be too late!

lol

[eleny]

5. I thought it happened the other way around

As I got older, my parents got "smarter". All because I started having experiences that they already went through. Things like being a landlord. Who else would I call for advice but mom & dad because they'd already seen it all?

Hang in there, dad. They'll arrive at your doorstep sooner than later.

[av8rdave]

14. It was quite a moment for me the first time my daughter said...

"Dad, turns you were SO right about that."

A high point of my adult life!

[eleny]

32. Oh, so that's why I sensed my mother smiling on the other end of the phone!

Good to know. :D

[Frances]

6. I try to remember what my father told me.

He said that when he turned 50, he had a conversation with another over-50 man. My father said, "When I first moved to this town, I thought the 'old men' here didn't have a lick of sense. Now I'm one of them."

Our children will have their turn to be the "old folks" one day.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

7. Of course. It's a rite of passage thing.

Here's how I deal with it. When my adult daughter exclaims how I'm ruining something, or just plain not doing right, I step aside and let her show me how to do it proper in this new modern age.

I'm getting more chores out of her now as an adult than I ever did when she was growing up. Maybe someday when she has kids I'll explain to her the proper way of dealing with this rite of passage. :D

[Stinky The Clown]

15. I've been exploiting that weakness, too!

:)

I feigned an inability to properly apply paint to a wall, or to properly remove old crown molding and install new. StinkyJr2 took the bait and did 80% of the work. Since then, he's presided over the installation of a new back sliding door, car repairs, and similar projects. The only cost to me is to listen to him tell me how incompetent I am. He forgets that it was ME who taught him the fundamentals of the skills he's now demonstrating.

He also knows where to turn when he's looking for a special tool that he somehow hasn't acquired yet.

StinkyJr1 more often asks me how we made this or that recipe.

SparklyJr has still not attained the same self awarded status as the older two.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

29. You could get an entire remodel done labor free if you work this correctly!

Just be sure not to let them catch on to the ploy. I've no desire for word to spread and my current free labor situation to end before she finishes redecorating the guest bedroom. It turns out she really does have better design sense than I do! :D

[elleng]

52. Don't have any of the tool business, but LOVE IT when #1 asks for recipes!!!

#2 appears to have found a guy who likes to cook, so don't hear much on that from her.

[EFerrari]

8. I started appreciating my mom when I had kids.

My sons are also in a different family than the one I grew up in. In my family, you always served yourself last at the table, you checked in with your mother every day and we all got together on the weekends for fun. That family is gone.

[av8rdave]

10. Mine were more that way in their late teens

It's really a more adult relationship nowadays, which I enjoy. In my case, my kids ARE significantly brighter than I, but we don't seem to come to conflict over how to do things.

Then again, each of them now live several hours away - perhaps I'm giving them credit when it actually belongs to geography.

[cbdo2007]

11. Sounds like you could stand to listen to your kids more.

...instead of just discounting their thoughts and feelings whenever you hear them because you are the parent.

[HappyMe]

20. Thoughts & feelings are one thing... telling me

that I'm mowing the lawn 'wrong' is another.

[cbdo2007]

27. Maybe you are mowing the lawn wrong.

If they have a good reason why you should mow the lawn differently then you should thank them for their advice. Your kids are probably smarter than you give them credit for.

[JVS]

40. To be fair, telling someone that they're mowing the lawn incorrectly is a dumb move.

It's practically begging to be told to do the chore.

[HappyMe]

43. My sons are very, very smart.

They are kind, well adjusted, hard working gentlemen. I have asked for their advice. It was damn good advice too.

They are smart enough to know that 'advising' me on how to mow, will simply turn into them doing the mowing themselves.

[pipi_k]

12. That hasn't happened yet...

Maybe I'm just not old enough.

My two kids are 38 and 40.

They still respect my opinions, and there are times they even listen to my advice. Rarely, but it does happen.

:7

[Forkboy]

13. "When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.

But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." ~ Mark Twain

[HappyMe]

16. My sons went through a phase when they

were in high school where they thought I was a dumbass, worried too much...whatever. I don't think they meant any disrespect, probably just growing pains of some sort.

It passed, and as of this moment, they seek my advice & even tell me I'm right occasionally!

I suppose it will change, so I'm enjoying 'us' now.

[phantom power]

17. My daughter has known more than me since she was able to speak.

Now, at the ripe old age of 7, she appears to think I'm an idiot.

I was told this wouldn't happen until she hit puberty. Lies.

x(

[Skidmore]

18. Sometimes, parents and adult children need a break from each other.

It took a while and a lot of biting my tongue, sometimes till it bled, to let my kids booboo their way through the adult forest. There comes a time that they remember it. Some of them come back and tell you that they understand why you said something years ago or why you did something a certain way. Others just go down the jagged path at cliff's edge which you wouldn't have chosen for them.

[shanti]

28. that's what's happening

with my youngest. i can't watch it, it hurts too much, but he has to grow up. :(

[Warren DeMontague]

19. And GET OFF MY LAWN

"Iphone, Ipad, Ipod... do they make an ipee, that's what I wanna know. 'Cuz my prostate feels like it's the size of a grapefruit"

[babydollhead]

21. I told my 15 year old, "Dad and I are gentle peaceful people

"Dad and I are gentle peaceful people, we tried to give you a very gentle and true childhood, we did not eat your soul alive and devour your self esteem. Please be gentle on us as you continue to grow into the person you will become." This after she came to the car window, "What the fuck, I said pick me up at 4:30, not 4:15"

[pipi_k]

35. Maybe a better reply to that would have been...

"Oh, so sorry to have inconvenienced you. Find your own way home. Buh-bye!"

Waving merrily as you drive away without her...


but that's just me.

:+

[babydollhead]

53. you are right. But my reply made her cry, which I liked.

She has been much gentler since then. Sometimes she hugs me and says, "Mom, I'm sorry I've been such a dick to you. I love you."

[Warren DeMontague]

22. And this "music" they like! In my day, we listened to wholesome bands

...like Led Zeppelin.

[EC]

36. The other day Tweety made reference that coming

soon, in the nursing homes you'll be hearing Led Zeppelin and The Stones on the radios as the baby-boomers age...I can picture it now...


Although I think the head-banger agers will be funnier to imagine in a nursing home...

[madinmaryland]

56. Aren't The Stones in a Nursing Home, already??

:wtf:

[Wait Wut]

23. That truly sucks.

I don't have that problem. My kid still thinks I'm the smartest person on earth. Although, his wife has taken a close second. It has been rough the past 7+ years since he's been a Marine. He's surrounded by Conservatives and they fill his head with all kinds of crap. I'm a master at deprogramming, though. A 5-minute phone call and he's on his way to tell them they're full of shit.

[hfojvt]

24. what exactly is an adult child?

Are you talking about actual offspring who are in their 20s, or is this, as many parents say to me, about a kid who is "13 going on 25"?

When somebody told me that, I said "wow, 25, then they must be really mature and responsible"

It does seem to be part of the manner of teaching to "denigrate the old ways". Back in the 1990s there was a campaign to change the name of "Smokey the Bear". Somebody, somewhere thought it was wrong to have "the" in the phrase, that it was something, I guess "the Easter bunny" would not stand for. So there was an ad campaign, featuring a kid explaining to an adult why it is wrong to say "the" in that fashion, and now probably for 20 years or so, kids have been taught about "Smokey Bear" and if an older person happens to say "Smokey THE Bear" as they were taught it, a chorus of wee ones will jump in to "correct" him/her.

Maybe somewhere they should try to teach tolerance, that some people say "po-tay-toe" and some people say "po-tat-oh" and some people write "ketchup" and some people write "catsup" and some people say "soda" and others "pop" and others "coke" and that it is OKAY for different people to do things differently. There is not always just ONE correct way that everybody has to conform to.

Of course, if they did that, some wag would put 2 + 2 = 7 on a test and expect the teacher to tolerate their way of doing math.

[Iggo]

25. Hmm. I wonder if my Dad sees it like that.

You know what? I bet he does.

I think I'll ask him.

(EDIT: I'm pushing 50. He's 80. We live together.)

[asjr]

26. All three of my children are far too

old for some of the remarks that are made. My youngest daughter (41) and I are at odds almost all the time. If I hear "Get over it" one more time I will scream.

[snooper2]

54. Sounds like she really wants you to get over it..

:shrug:

[librechik]

30. Meh, I've got my 80 year old mom staying with me. i'm doing it to her!

I also have adult children living with me, don't even ask about how wrong i am all the time in that department.

[Aerows]

31. Are you a good person?

If so, sometimes it's necessary to blow off criticism. I'm gay, I'm familiar with blowing off of criticism from loved ones. Not everyone is going to agree with you, 100% of the time, and sometimes they have good reason for not agreeing with you.

And sometimes, the other person has every reason to disagree with you. Doesn't mean you don't love that person.

It also doesn't mean that you don't agree with each other on the things that matter, either.

[pintobean]

37. I really like this post.

Thank you for sharing your perspective.

[butterfly77]

33. I have been smart and informative for the past couple of weeks..

as a lot of my past predictions have come true. I predict I will be stupid again next week.

[EC]

34. Nope, so far at least.

My 40 year old daughter still looks to me for the "correct" way to do things. Although I usually tell her to do it the way she wants that there usually are multiple solutions to things.


But yeah, sometimes when we are in a restaurant or something I get the idea I'm embarrassing...like when I ask for a glass rimmed with salt and chili powder for my beer.

[JVS]

38. "speaking to bank tellers"

I try to tell my mom that she wouldn't have to wait to do this so frequently if she'd learn to use an ATM instead of writing checks to herself for cash.

[cbdo2007]

39. According to the OP, you should keep your mouth shut and always agree with your Mom's...

way of doing things. After all, she's the parent so she must always know the best way to do everything. Maybe you should stop using the ATM as well...

[Philippine expat]

48. I agree with your Mom

unless her bank has free ATM.s. I will never pay for the privilege of
accessing my own money

[JVS]

55. I've never heard of a US bank that doesn't have free use of bank-owned ATMs

And I only remind her of the ATM option when she's complaining about how slow the tellers at the drive through bank window are about cashing her check.

[JitterbugPerfume]

41. sometimes I think

my kids are standing around looking for signs of dementia . Who knows? Maybe they are right:shrug:

[Exultant Democracy]

42. Switching to electronic bill pay does save paper and time. I wouldn't do the automatic bill pay

I just don't trust them but I would go paperless.

[Bigmack]

44. I would tell him... in no uncertain terms...

that I never "helped" or "encouraged" him by calling him or his actions "stupid", and that he could learn to talk to me like a human being or he could fuck off.

If I actually had spoken to him by calling him or his actions "stupid", I'd figure it was payback. I'd still tell him to fuck off.

Soooo.... basically, it's "treat me like a human being or fuck off."

Sound wisdom in dealing with friends, family, ..... or strangers.

[southernyankeebelle]

45. I found my child figured he was smarter than us at the age of 14, LOL.

[REP]

46. Well, my mom is still pretty damn smart at 77 and my father died at 56 so they don't need my help

[The Green Manalishi]

47. As long as I was under their roof, I did not know shit.

But then I moved out at 16 (with their full advice and consent, both had left home at 16, too, dad to join the army and mom to go to Hollywood).
I would have had a boot up my ass if I *ever* for one nanosecond, suggested that I knew more than about anything than my dad. And if I had kids (don't) that's the way it would be too.

[Philippine expat]

49. It entirely depends

on the subject. On some things my kids do know more then I and on other things
they know better then to even open their mouth.
By the way they are 39, 37 and 35 years of age

[a la izquierda]

50. I tell my mom it's stupid that she shovels the walk...

because she's 55 and I don't want her to have a friggin' heart attack. I told my dad the same thing, and luckily his brother bought him a snowblower. I also yelled at my mother that instead of mowing her parents' lawn (my grandparents are in their 80s) she should spend the money to have it done. It's very stupid for her to mow when 1) she is incapable of sweating; 2) it's 90 degrees out; 3) she's 55.

Finally, I've told my mom it's stupid for her to vote Republican when she's gay. And works for the schools. And for that, I irritate her intensely. But not the stuff about mowing and shoveling. I can tell her she's dense all day long, and she knows I do it because I love her.



:)

[cbdo2007]

51. Here is a good example......

I work for my Dad at a small company and he has purchased tickets for us to all go to the Get Motivated seminer (staring Laura Bush, Colin Powell, Rudy Guiliani, etc.) here in Kansas City next week. The tickets were $1.95 and he is excited for our company to get to learn and listen to motivation speakers from these semi-celebrities (all of whom I happen to despise).

The more and more I read about the Get Motivated, the more I've learned that it is a huge scam full of up-sales with the actual goal being to sell you their stock picking software and their real estate investing seminars. He is so excited about the seminar, not knowing that it is a huge scam, that he's constantly talking about it and planning for it.

Now I could tell him how stupid the seminar is...and that it is a huge scam, but for the sake of familial compromise I'm going to keep MY mouth shut. Our business will lose hundreds of $$$ that day and it will be a huge waste of time, and god forbid he doesn't get sucked in to paying $100 for the stock picking software scam, but in not wanting to disappoint him and make him think that everything he wants to do I think is stupid, I'm keeping my mouth shut.

"Yes, I truly love my (Dad) unconditionally. But he sure does make it hard to do so."

[Mz Pip]

57. My kids are in their 30s

and I enjoy having intelligent adult discussions with them. They were a real pain in the ass when they were teenagers. Now, they are just really cool young adults who lead interesting lives and have interesting careers.

They are fun to be around and even pick up the check sometimes. ;-)