The Walleyed, Rock-Stupid, Egomaniacal Nattering Republican Boobs Who Think They Can Beat Obama

[Newsjock]

Source: The Stranger

Spoiler alert: Mitt Romney is going to win the Republican nomination for president. I'm 95 percent sure that's what's going to happen. Sure, the teabaggy base will make some crazy noise, but the Republican nomination process is nothing if not orderly: Romney was the runner-up to John McCain last time around, so he'll probably be at the top of the ticket this year. Team Romney is reportedly preparing for a very long nomination battle—something akin to Barack Obama's They Live–style fight with Hillary Clinton in 2008—but barring an enormously entertaining flameout, he's the guy to beat.

Then again, this is hardly a normal campaign year. Candidates seem to be actively fleeing from the race. Donald Trump, Mike Huckabee, and Mitch Daniels have already pulled out. And the two candidates the Republican media most wants to run—Chris Christie and Jeb Bush—have outright refused. (It's hilarious that the party's greatest hopes rest on a Bush and the teabaggy governor of New Jersey, who can't even poll higher than President Obama in his own state.)

By the time you read these words, someone else might have collapsed in a puddle of self-regard or sexual impropriety or idiocy. It's the lamest field of candidates in recent memory.

This is a race to the bottom, which is why it's taken so long to get started. Most of these candidates—the few who aren't totally delusional—are desperately trying to wind up as the nominee for vice president. That's the best advertising in the world for their eventual 2016 presidential race. So the question is, who's gonna bottom to Romney's top? Who is the second-best candidate in this field of used-car salesmen and wrinkly faced toddlers?

Read more: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/are-they-serious/Content?oid=8309380

[Warren Stupidity]

1. you can't say boobs