How is the "Recession" affecting your family ties these days?

[grasswire]

I'm curious to know what's going on in America as more and more strain is put on family relationships because of shrinking resources.

How's your family doing? Is there a spirit of generosity and cooperation, or is it "everyone for himself"? Are you living in a multi-generation home? How's that working? Do older family members understand that the times are different for their younger relatives -- that the former paths to prosperity and/or independence no longer exist for many? Is there increased anxiety? Mental illness? Is anyone food insecure? Homeless? Do other family members offer help without being asked?

What's it like, for you and yours?

[elocs]

1. I have no family ties to be strained, so that's simple.

I haven't worked in 7 months but I'm getting by ok so far because it's just me.

[Newest Reality]

2. Same here

I am con solo at this stage in life. Been looking for work for over two years.

Strange how things turn out.

[elocs]

7. I just have to tough it out for another 3 years until I retire. n/t

[southernyankeebelle]

17. It doesn't get any better after you retire. My sister is single and retired. She

had to get another job because of the healthcare. Many people are working because of the medical cost.

[elocs]

19. Oh it will for me. I will actually have more money then than I have now

and with fewer bills to pay. It will be better for me after I retire.

[grasswire]

6. interesting, that

Sometimes we assume that having a bunch of family will be a safety net. But as you and the next poster point out, being solo has its advantages.

[elocs]

9. Yes, I have nobody to worry about but me & I can live on a ridiculously small amount.

I can comfortably get by on less that $1000/month and nearly a quarter of that amount is a new car payment and I'll pay that off in another 9 months. I'm getting by on what I have saved and what I've sold ($400 worth of junk silver that I bought 12 years ago that I sold last month for nearly 4 grand--best investment I ever made, or ever will).

[Warpy]

15. I spent nearly three years living on $800/month

when the mortgage took the first $560. I can't say I lived comfortably, but I was able to keep a cheap DSL account and roll up in an electric blanket at the computer to amuse myself. I also had a house full of projects. I did OK.

If I'd had to watch a kid or a spouse go through it with me, it would have been lousy.

[Sonoman]

3. We've pulled through.

My sons lost their jobs in Dallas, so I set them up with a 'farmer' from Humboldt. They are making a lot more money than when they were working day jobs.

GF and I lost our asses in the Market because I couldn't believe that the US Gov would let all of that craziness happen. Thankfully, we had a car collection that we used to offset our losses.

Still, every month is a challenge.

We are gonna make it.

Sonoman

[grasswire]

25. good to have those collectible assets, eh

I have 12,000 pieces of collectible sheet music sitting in tubs. I shoulda bought cars.

[Dappleganger]

4. Lots of stress in our home.

Meanwhile, dh's wealthy parents are off doing their regular traveling up and down the coast in a friend's yacht for the next two months. They are pretty disconnected from us (although they pop in when it's convenient for them). My sister's family is doing great, they constantly travel as well.

WE still have the roof over our heads...this month, thank goodness. Hopefully in another year we will be on more stable footing. Health crisis are really putting a hurt on our finances.

[FreeJoe]

5. We've been fortunate

My parents are comfortably retired. My oldest sister and her husband have their own small business, which is doing well. My other sister stays at home, but her husband is employed. His job has gotten kind of sucky (long hours), but he's going to just gut it out for another 5-10 years and retire. My brother just changed jobs and benefited from a bit of a bidding war between his old and new employer. His new job allows him to telecommute, so he didn't have to move. The company that I work for is doing quite well and has been very generous about sharing that prosperity with us. My work load is higher than I'd like it, but it isn't too bad and the pay has made up for it.

In my neck of the woods, the recession hasn't been too bad. Home values have declined a bit, but not too much. The economy seems to be OK here. I don't know anyone out of work. The teachers were nervous because of the looming state budget cuts, but our district has managed things fairly well and it looks like they'll all have jobs.

[OKDem08]

8. My husband and I help our kids when they need it.

We're doing just ok financially. It seems there's still a general malaise. We work a lot longer hours than we ever have prob because of the fear of joining the unemployed. The American Dream feels like a cruel joke sometimes.

[sakabatou]

10. It's put a lot of strain on my dad

[AnneD]

11. We are pulling together.....

I am heading up to help my Mom and my niece will be coming with me. It is a working vacation for me, a vacation for my niece, and a break for my brother and SIL. They give me produce from their farm and I have a storage space that I can use there instead of paying for one here in town. I pitch in feed for the cattle and get beef.

If worse came to worse, I can come up there to live.

[Throd]

12. It has brought us closer together if anything.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

13. Parents used to give me hell for being unemployed.

They are dead now.

In the 90s they blamed me for not being able to find a good job with a BA and a law degree.
I got terribly depressed.

They wouldn't help me when the dogs got fleas and needed medicine. I was on the phone crying because they wouldn't help me. I ended up giving the dogs my own antibiotics because they had septicemia (blood poisoning) and would have died otherwise.

They got Alzheimer's. They had lived through the Depression. Mom was well off because her mother had a good job, but dad was traveling a lot and probably got hungry a number of times.

They would yell at me after saying, "We paid for your education and it's a damn good one. Why can't you get a job?" and I would say "I honestly don't know."

I'm glad I don't have to put up with their verbal abuse anymore that made me feel like a complete failure.

:shrug:

[grasswire]

24. hugs for you

My great aunts (part of the greatest generation) rag on the younger family members who have trouble finding work, too. It's just a different world to them.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

28. I was able to retire due to DH.

Without him I would be groveling.

Neither of us could function in today's work world. We are both intelligent and over-educated. We've both had bosses that would deliberately block us, lie about us, backstab us. He was in engineering and I was in the legal profession. I'm talking backstabbing lawyers, nasty hateful judges and mean court reporters. I had temp jobs where I was fired for saving the client time and money by solving a work-related problem by calling an unauthorized (by the temp agency) computer person. Show initiative and ya get punished. And I've got a doctorate.

The advice people kept telling us to get mentors. There were so many of us Baby Boomers that it was highly competitive. I never met anybody who would be a mentor. Everybody was afraid I would try to get their job or maybe they just didn't like bright, educated people.

At his last job, DH was constantly insulted and belittled by ignorant co-workers who didn't know anything about computers. He had to set up video systems for medical school lectures and they just yanked wires. They also did not understand the eight dot three filename convention for Windows. They would write filename.mpg.mpg.

:wtf:

He has a BS and MS in Physics/Math/E.E. and was taking home ten dollars an hour. And they were taking his student loan out of his paycheck as well. That job was killing him. They fired him when the new president of the school was doing his slash and burn budgets. The new president ran up a $150 million dollar deficit and fired hundreds of staff people. The med school should probably lose its accreditation. He wanted professors and doctors to do extra lectures for free, and several dept. heads left for other schools.

They did not pay DH overtime. He kept an Excel spreadsheet of the unpaid overtime for six years, from his very first day (that methodical techie mind) and presented it to them after he was fired, with a letter saying, "I don't want to take legal action, but..."

They cut him a check for several thousand dollars.

The psychopaths are running the work world. They get away with it because greed is infinite.

[Urban Prairie]

14. We run the entire gamut from wealth to near poverty

My siblings are all doing MUCH better than I am, however I believe that I eventually will become more secure financially long-term than my younger brothers are, being a disabled former federal government and railroad employee, with "relatively" secure FULL pensions waiting MAYBE once I reach my mid or late 60s. If I don't collect @ age 65-66, then they most likely won't either, since I am the eldest. My stunningly attractive sister however, married into MONEY, and has/is living in the lap of luxury for 30 years now. My sister and her husband HAVE helped me out a little bit, by paying for a few of our monthly utility bills while we were in foreclosure, but before we were evicted four years ago...and also helped a couple of years ago by providing us with an ancient '01 full-size PU truck with 160K on the odometer to drive, (gave it to me a couple years after I became perma-disabled, and lost my home to foreclosure and my wife (who coincidentally also lost her career job to outsourcing soon after I had to resign for health reasons from mine, and then we consequently lost our vehicles to repossession) the truck now if I had to guess, might be worth around $600.00 or less IF I was able to sell it as is.

The truck wasn't in very good shape mechanically (okay body-wise, the tires are fair, as they still have some tread) when we got it from them two years ago, but the tranny failed in the following late fall, and the truck sat un-drivable in our rented condo's parking lot for the entire winter, (they finally agreed to help pay to have the tranny rebuilt in the spring, but only after I called them once and a while over a four month period) then the battery died last winter, (I bought a new one) and it still needs some engine work, (new fuel-injectors, plugs, hoses, belts) and the linkage/ball-joints/brakes need to be replaced/repaired...I (we) DON'T have the money to fix it, but guess that I can't really look a "gift horse" in the mouth, now can I??

[southernyankeebelle]

16. Well let me tell you. My son and his wife and 2 kids live next door to us. They pay no rent. All

we ask them to pay is the water bill and the electric bill. Now we have been paying the water bill. But we told them them need to give us at least $200 a month for the electric. My daughter in law had a decent job at a nursing home and she really like it. But she quit because having to lift patience really was bad on her lower back. Now she is working as a waitress and she is good at that. The thing is I really love her but she never lasts long in a job. My son is a cook who makes around $10.00 hr which is ok for this rural area. He doesn't care for his job but he knows he has a family and continues to work and would never quit a job without having another. We help them buy food and cloths for the kids. We haven't been able to save because we have to help them. Both our homes need work. We do the best we can. I would never throw them out of the house because they try. They cut our grass (which is allot). They don't go and waste money they just don't make enough with the prices going up. I grew up in a house were we all helped each other. I think my husband gets alittle upset. He is an only child. I grew up in a large Italian family. Yet my husband is there if they need us and they are there if we need them. We all try to make it work.

Today my husband and I went to Wal Mart with our grandkids. We were coming up to a traffic light and I noticed this guy sitting on a cart holding a sign up. It said Disabled Vet. All I had was $3.00. I felt terrible I didn't have more but he was so appreciative and said god bless. We left and I cried and my husband who is a Vet said don't cry and I couldn't help it because for the grace of god it could be us. We should be taking care of each other in this world. Shame on this country. No wonder we are going down hill. We deserve what this country gets. God has blessed us and the republican party somewhere lost their souls to the religious evangelicas and the rich.

[grasswire]

23. thank you for sharing your story

Your husband sounds like a good man. Bless your heart for caring so much, and doing so much. I hope better times come your way.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

18. I don't know about the recession...

...but I was sick for an entire week two weeks ago, and I only got paid for one day of it. We are pretty SCREWED until the end of last month. Have to skip paying utilities, but luckily, my husband forgets to do so often, and they know us there. LOL
Duckie

[MichiganVote]

20. Two kids out of college, one employed at about $12/hour the other unemployed.

$50,000 ind debt between the two of them.

Some country, some state. Reward the fuckers who put us in this mess and screw those of us who work hard to pay their goddamn salaries as "representative".

[grasswire]

26. student loans -- how did we ever allow this tyranny?

The banksters have their hands in so much misery. A kid used to be able to get through college with just a PT job on the side. Shame on America.

[Odin2005]

21. My mom is unemployed and broke!

:(

[WCIL]

22. My daughter is 22 and still lives at home

She does have a full-time retail job and has insurance, but is paying some student loans. She is moving with her fiance to Lawrence KS this fall where he will be a graduate student. She can transfer with her company, and between her job and his TA stipend they should be "ok", but I am sure there are things we will have to help with.

Our son has 3 semesters of school left and works part time. We are paying as much as we can so he can keep his student loan debt low, and he lives in a house with 5 other people to afford the rent/utilities.

My parents are retired, but more and more often they have to help my sister and her husband out of a pinch. My BIL was out of work for nearly a year, and they kept their heads above water, but barely. My mom and I take turns buying my nephews their shoes/coats/clothing and Mom paid their school fees this year. My dad has a federal pension and my mom's is a state, and so far things are ok. After years of trying, my dad was FINALLY approved for disability from his Agent Orange exposure, so that will mean an extra $300/month for them. They scour the grocery stores for deals and are forever bringing food over to me and my sister. They also send my son grocery gift cards at school.

We are definitely in it together, which is a good thing.

[grasswire]

27. have you seen those TV shows on couponing?

People make a passion out of it, and get hundreds and hundreds, even thousands, of dollars in groceries at a time for free by working the coupons. I haven't quite figured out where they get the coupons, but it sure is impressive.

[Raine]

34. I wonder what they do with hundreds of tubes of toothpaste,

diapers when you don't have a baby, kitty litter when you have no cat and hundreds of duplicate items with expiration dates on them. I have to think that they are reselling some of that stuff even though the show never tells you that. A few donate some of the excess but I think with some it's just an obsession. In some ways it's impressive but in some ways there is something kind of unsettling about it IMO.

Edit: added word

[Iggo]

29. Well, it's brought us closer...

...because we can't afford to live apart.

[roguevalley]

30. everyone on this thread is my hero.

[Snoutport]

31. I'm OK but I'm a teacher and all the Educational Assistants have been getting cut down or fired

It is awful. EA's in my building were cut an hour a day two months ago. Last week they were cut a few more. SOme of them are under 29 hours now and won't get health benefits (probably) next year. It hurts to see people who work a hard job and that you respect being beat down over and over. When you are seeing grown men tearing up at work you know it is bad.

[Maru Kitteh]

32. We have 3 generations of adults living here. We're banding together and pooling resources.

In the fall, I will be in school. My daughter and her husband who have been living with us since he left the Army will be going to school as well. It's 5 of us under one (thankfully) pretty large roof.

[xmas74]

33. Now in a multigenerational home

but before the recession my child and I had our own place. We were in the process of purchasing a home when I received my lay off notice. After six months I was let go, as were the others in the lay-off. We were informed that we had to reapply for our old positions, which they chose to give to people off the street for less money. I had to take a job that paid less than half of what I once earned.

How is that working for us? Lots of fighting, adults stepping on each other, and lots of confusion for my child, since two other adults (her grandparents) think that they know a better way to raise her.

[grasswire]

35. how old is your child?

wow, it's really hard for all generations. I have been watching The Waltons for a few weeks just because I missed it years ago and am interested to see how the Great Depression affected the family dynamics. The grandparents always deferred to the parents on childrearing, it seems.

[xmas74]

36. Almost eleven.

And there is no deferring in this house. It's their way or the highway. I have to put up and shut up,if I don't want to raise my child in a slum.

[trackfan]

37. I try to stay on everyone's good side in case I have to ask them for a loan. n/t

[NNN0LHI]

38. Been as it always has been during any recession for long as I can remember

Every man for himself.

And I am 56 so I have lived through my share of recessions, layoffs, etc.

Got money and everyone loves and respects you. Get a little down and everyone kicks you.

Its the American way.

Don

[grasswire]

39. I never thought the world was like this.

But after a very hurtful incident in my family last week, I am wondering real hard. If you don't have a "tribe" that is committed to mutual support......