(The Onion) Congress Continues Debate Over Whether Or Not Nation Should Be Economically Ruined

[Duct Tape]

WASHINGTON—Members of the U.S. Congress reported Wednesday they were continuing to carefully debate the issue of whether or not they should allow the country to descend into a roiling economic meltdown of historically dire proportions. "It is a question that, I think, is worthy of serious consideration: Should we take steps to avoid a crippling, decades-long depression that would lead to disastrous consequences on a worldwide scale? Or should we not do that?" asked House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA), adding that arguments could be made for both sides, and that the debate over ensuring America’s financial solvency versus allowing the nation to default on its debt—which would torpedo stock markets, cause mortgage and interests rates to skyrocket, and decimate the value of the U.S. dollar—is “certainly a conversation worth having.” "Obviously, we don't want to rush to consensus on whether it is or isn't a good idea to save the American economy and all our respective livelihoods from certain peril until we've examined this thorny dilemma from every angle. And if we’re still discussing this matter on Aug. 2, well, then, so be it.” At press time, President Obama said he personally believed the country should not be economically ruined.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-continues-debate-over-whether-or-not-nati,20977/

[AsahinaKimi]

1. I know this is the Onion, however it seems to me thats a

Republican wet dream.

[freshwest]

6. +1

[aquart]

2. Onion? Sure it's not the NYT?

[July16th-20th]

8. My exact reaction

Except I was thinking CNN. :(

[provis99]

3. this is the Onion? It might as well be the New York Times.

the article is pretty much accurate, not satire at all.

[gateley]

4. They pretty much nailed it. The only obvious "Onion" line is

that Eric Cantor said "arguments could be made for both sides". We know there's only one side in his universe.

[FogerRox]

5. KNR, but I'm having a wee bit of trouble laughing right now.

[Make7]

7. I'm not sure if they'll ever top the following:

 

Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'

January 17, 2001 | ISSUE 43•01 ISSUE 37•01

WASHINGTON, DC–Mere days from assuming the presidency and closing the door on eight years of Bill Clinton, president-elect George W. Bush assured the nation in a televised address Tuesday that "our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity is finally over."

"My fellow Americans," Bush said, "at long last, we have reached the end of the dark period in American history that will come to be known as the Clinton Era, eight long years characterized by unprecedented economic expansion, a sharp decrease in crime, and sustained peace overseas. The time has come to put all of that behind us."

Bush swore to do "everything in power" to undo the damage wrought by Clinton's two terms in office, including selling off the national parks to developers, going into massive debt to develop expensive and impractical weapons technologies, and passing sweeping budget cuts that drive the mentally ill out of hospitals and onto the street.

During the 40-minute speech, Bush also promised to bring an end to the severe war drought that plagued the nation under Clinton, assuring citizens that the U.S. will engage in at least one Gulf War-level armed conflict in the next four years.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/

 

[Rhiannon12866]

9. +100

:banghead: