Melting pot, E-Pluribus Unum... from many, one

[nadinbrzezinski]

Today we were treated truly to the nature of this.

Yes I can understand why the clapping and all that made some folks here on the old DU less than happy. It is not done in certain subcultures of the US.

Well I grew up in a Jewish family in Mexico City, but truly, when it comes to funerals, with the Shtetl mores. You know there is no wake... you bury your dead as soon as possible under Jewish law. You go to the grave site, and wear black. The Rabi tears your clothes. comes from that tearing of clothes, sack cloth and ashes... then you go home and for a week, you have services for the dead morning and night. You cover mirrors... it is fairly structured... and it helps people grieve.

So the first time I got out of that bubble was the death of one of our older folks, our vets. There was a wake... not only that, there were lots of alcohol, mole, and other things. Yes, we stood honor guards, but the people around either sat like church mouses, or spent time making jokes and doing all that. You can imagine how off putting that was. But it wasn't my element.

Next I went to the funeral of Alicia, a young five year old who was killed in the cross fire. Yes, people made jokes, laughed and clapped in a church... somebody had to explain to me why that was not wrong.

Oh and I missed the mole and tamales the previous night.

So I married my husband and the Navy took us to Hawaii... where a friend of ours lost his dad. Now the first thing I was told is this is a Hawaian funeral... so that means... a very bright and colorful and flowery mumu for me, and since it was a formal event, a Hawaiian shirt that was tucked in for husband and closed shoes. The service at the church was somewhat rowdy and then there was plenty of food, (and drink for those who wanted it). It ranged from pork, to rice, to tilapias, to rice candy.





The lesson I had over all these things was... my tradition might mean one thing to me, but it is far from inclusive or chiefly "right." What is right is what helps those affected deal with the tragedy. This happened in Tucson... so it is going to be different from the tradition of the DC and North East bubble, by force. If nothing else, welcome to the rest of the country. If this was in Louisiana a band playing when the Saints come marching in would be almost expected.

In my mind this is actually a good thing. It exposes all of us to a different way of doing things. And if you are ever in Hawaii and have to attend a funeral... what I would wear for a Jewish Funeral in Mexico City, would have been very much wrong... but in New York City... it be perfect. That, more than a theoretical class on anthropology taught me all I needed to know on how far cultures deal with things.

[Clio the Leo]

1. And in the South we "sit up with the dead" laughing and telling stories...

.... well, we no longer LITERALLY sit up with the dead, but the laughing and telling stories remains. And we eat. ... and eat .... and eat. We know that beyond this land of parting is a better land and we're often happy for the soul that's gone on to wait for us.

[nadinbrzezinski]

2. There you go

I just summarized some of the sub cultures I've been exposed to in a direct way.

[CrownPrinceBandar]

4. My friends and I have a similar tradition..............

We have a kind of "Irish wake". We gather at a friend's home, pass around a bottle(s) of Jameson and tell stories of the good times, and laugh.

[Clio the Leo]

6. well ya know, the South is populated primarily with ...

.... descendent's of the Scotch-Irish. So the traditions go way back no doubt.

[nadinbrzezinski]

7. Yes, yes they do

they are from the borderer regions... trust me, have found OTHER echoes from the home country regarding work.

[cynatnite]

3. I remember being weirded out by watching Islamic funerals on TV...

It was strange to see and I honestly didn't understand what I was seeing. Some years later, I watched a documentary where it was explained. Taking away the mystery of why people act as they do helped me understand. It took away my own reservations about what's acceptable and what's not.

[nadinbrzezinski]

5. Yeah things that are "strange" do that