A comment from a 'mentally ill' American.

[cliffordu]

Here's the thing:

I have a bipolar "condition".

A type of Old Skool Manic Depression. I get depressed at 750 miles an hour.

I've been on SSDI for about 8 years.

I used to get 760 dollars a month plus medicare and  zero deductable for meds.

I take Lamictal for my nuttiness and Diovan for a whack blood pressure.

A couple of years ago, because of the Bush Medicare 'adjustments' (the name escapes me) I  have to pay 120 dollars a month for Medicare coverage.

My SSDI payments were, all of a sudden, 640 bucks a month.

And at the same time,  my drugs cost 20 bucks a month, a 200% increase.

Living large on the government teat.

Last year, due to MORE government cuts,  my psychiatrist lost her grant to work at my county health care clinic and was replaced with a nurse, who, god bless her, tried with all her might to help, but the only answer she had when I was in trouble was to suggest more drugs to be prescribed by a doctor who I never saw, he being overwhelmed with the Schizophrenics too wild not to be seen.......

Today I went to get my drugs refilled and they wanted 88 bucks to fill the prescription due to a new deductable.

I had to choose between food, blood pressure meds,  or food and psych meds.

So I chose.

I have food and my mood should be relatively moderated. For a while.

Thank God I DO have temporary resources that pay my rent and some of my ancillary expenses.

I have to admit that my money management skills are not good at all.....I have wasted a TON of dough as a result of a manic episode in the last 8 months.

My fucking fault.

But still....

The killer in Arizona didn't operate in a vacuum.  The social services, the safety net that began to erode during the Reagan administration (with plenty of help from the occasional Democratic congress....) used to take care of the truly nutty like that shooter, and the almost self destructive like me, is basically gone - they pack the drugs into us now  and leave us to the whim of brain chemistry and the largesse of the drug companies and family......

The only place the destitute have to go is the Emergency room for a three day visit to the psych ward and a massive dose of Zyprexa (look that fucker up), or something worse.

Then it's back on the street, with a prayer and a hope you can afford what they're prescribing now.

I'm not excusing anything, I have no excuse for my behavior or self pity.

I sure as fuck don't excuse that asshole in Arizona.

I just thought you all should know how difficult it is to be truly fucked up in this 'Bright and shining beacon of Freedom.'

Banning guns or abusing the less than sane is not truly the answer, under these conditions.

If 'we' - the mentally ill - were truly to blame for gun violence, there would be tens of thousands of mass killings a year, considering the number of we "subnormals" and the number of guns are available.

That argument is a straw man of the scummiest kind.

As I said  - I cannot excuse  that fucker in Arizona,  who's only advisors (I am convinced) were the Glenn Becks  and the Sarah Palins of this world.

But I wonder if he could afford his drugs.

If he couldn't, then we should rethink the status quo.

Just sayin'


****

BY THE WAY:

God bless you if you think about it, but
I don't want or need your help, so don't offer.  
That isn't what this rant is about.
If you truly want to help, donate to your local free clinic.

c

[leftstreet]

1. K&R

[cliffordu]

3. Thanks.

[leftstreet]

8. Many of your comments are well worth repeating

If 'we' - the mentally ill - were truly to blame for gun violence, there would be tens of thousands of mass killings a year, considering the number of we "subnormals" and the number of guns are available.

:applause:

Thanks for posting

[cliffordu]

13. Thanks, again.

[Lenomsky]

205. 'Living large on the government teat.'

Good luck 'cliffordu' the choice of food or Medication is a disgrace!

I feel for you ALL in the US where Corporate greed comes before an individuals health!
It's a false economy except for the Pharma Corporations naturally.

My friend is Schizophrenic and without his Meds he'd cost much more to society ... so his Meds are free (He's a risk to himself not others).

People grumble about the NHS in the UK and that's fine as it's imperfect but when I have no work my Meds are free and when I work a prescription costs $6 regardless which Med(s) and if I had a long term need and was working I would pay $150 per annum regardless of which Meds and Qty it's a fixed fee the way it should be and free if unemployed.

Health Care should always be free as it helps society it doesn't hinder it.

[undergroundpanther]

218. Livin large

Hah,good one..The ones really living large on the govt.teat are corporate welfare cheats.
600 bucks a month never goes far..Pay the bills & get groceries,30 bucks for my meds and I'm done.Got a tiny bit left,to take the bus to the mall and buy nothing.

[cliffordu]

231. Yep, yep and yep.

[cliffordu]

230. "health care should always be free...."

Yep, there is no excuses that it is not.

[cbayer]

2. Very brave of you to do this. My best wishes and a big K & R.

:pals:

[cliffordu]

4. Thank you, my friend

How are ya??

[Hannah Bell]

5. kr

[cliffordu]

6. Thanks, Hannah.

[provis99]

7. Zyprexa no longer works for me.

I'm on the max dose of Risperdal, four times what my nutty grandma takes. Haven't seen a shrink in 2 years because I can't get an appointment except in case of an emergency, so I'm basically being pushed pills in the hope that I don't snap and cause a multi-state incident. Thanks to Republicans deciding that mental health care isn't worth funding, and that mentally ill people are simply losers that feel sorry for themselves, and need to put their manpants on.

I don't see things getting any better in the short term in terms of government support for mental health issues.

[cliffordu]

10. I don't see any change on the horizon, either.

Maybe this will at LEAST start a dialogue.

(As a personal aside - where the fuck do we go from Zyprexa?? PM me)

c

[eyeofdelphi]

78. what!

the doc that prescribes your meds hasn't seen you in two fucking years? but just keeps refilling your script? that's insane. i have to go to an eye doctor every damn year just to get the same contact prescription i've had for years. because that's the law. that's insane that for psych meds they don't have to see you or reavaluate how effective the meds are or basically give a damn about you for over 2 years. this system is sick.

[Sgent]

217. Pretty common

in a lot of community mental health centers -- esp in HPSA's (health professional shortage area).

Often, there is a masters degree (usually MSW or LPC -- NOT LCSW) counselor who will see the patient, do an intake, etc. and a nurse who will take / update the medical history (sometimes a Nurse Practitioner, sometimes not depending on facility/grants etc.)

Oh yea... it could also take 6mos - 1 yr to get an appointment unless your actively suicidal (and by active, I mean you have attempted it).

[PatrynXX]

193. and I live with one

Yeah, nothing like a depressed person being encouraged to kill oneself. Is that a crime?? One would have to PM me on that. Not sure if I'll have the heart to read this again.

Was on Luvox for years for OCD, then Zoloft (oh that fucked my head up) yeah they put me on Lexapro and dropped Zoloft cold turkey. They put me back on a small dose because my (it's not vertigo) vestibular whatever is messed up forever because of Zoloft. So I knocked over a $300 lcd tv and cracked the shit out of it. Extremely dizzy if I miss a dose.


And dad can't stand me because I'm down. Sometimes I think he's bipolar but won't admit it. One minute he's happy happy joy joy next minute he lacks the bible and goes Jesus Christ and GD about 100 times when something is wrong. X_X sorry I was always taught that fuck, cock shit, piss, cunt motherfucker and just about anything else Carlin said was gutter language but not against God. But using his name and his son in vain was. So I use FUCK instead of Jesus H Christ (what does H stand for anyway :P

[bitchkitty]

214. The H stands for Howard. :) n/t

[Robb]

9. K&R.

Well done.

[cliffordu]

11. Thanks.

[Tippy]

12. K&R...Thanks for sharing

[cliffordu]

14. Thanks.

[Bluerthanblue]

15. k&r

and :grouphug:

[Solly Mack]

16. K&R Thank you for sharing.

So many people have slipped, and continue to slip, through the HUGE cracks created by funding cuts, hospital closures and just plain ignorance and fear.

What happened in Arizona brings up all kinds of questions with very few answers..and there are many levels to the tragedy. Many discussions they need to take place. One being the funding cuts to much needed services for the mentally ill.

[cliffordu]

17. They cut the funding of the people who have no voice.

Who's next??


(thanks).

[Solly Mack]

47. Have you read this? It's worth the read.

Ronald Reagan and the Commitment of the Mentally Ill:
Capital, Interest Groups, and the Eclipse of Social Policy

http://www.sociology.org/content/vol003.004/thomas_d.html

[cliffordu]

65. Yeah- I haven't read it, but Reagan is my favorite motherfucker of all time.

funny - I wish he had the same care for his Alzheimers, that my grandmother had, with her WELFARE alzheimers health care had.

That rancid motherfucker.

[Solly Mack]

67. I see you're as big a fan as I am of the decaying piece of shit.

The papers talks about how the mentally ill got screwed over in the guise of 'help' and 'reform'.....of how boosting profits for business and cutting social programs went together.

[cliffordu]

69. Yep - and the shit runs uphill in this case -

more "normal" middle class folks lose the safety nets as time goes by........

All starting with the 'great communicator'

[Kurovski]

18. Great post, cliffordu.

And the RW is full of it to think there is something terrific about being on welfare or SocSec. It's just such utter bullshit.

I remember That Tipper Gore was going to make mental health issues her task as first lady. So rack that up as another loss in 2000 when the election was stolen from us, and given to a wealthy, careless unrecovered alchoholic.

I'm sorry for your troubles.

[cliffordu]

21. Thanks, Kurovski -

My troubles - thank gawd, are minor compared to some.

Scary, sometimes, but they could be a fuckload worse.

[malaise]

19. Excellent post

Rec

[cliffordu]

24. Thanks, malaise

:hug:

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

20. hugs from a fellow bipolar

:hug:

[cliffordu]

27. Right back at you, kiddo -

Right back at you.

:hug:

[Demoiselle]

155. More hugs from the mother of a sweet bipolar son.

[cliffordu]

202. Thanks.

:hug:

[WhaTHellsgoingonhere]

204. Thumbsup

:thumbsup:

[HysteryDiagnosis]

22. Some points to ponder

Number one, this stuff is cheaper than some drugs and while they should not be used to replace medication, they can be added to the mix in order to lessen the severity or at least that's what I've read elsewhere. Number two, they are safe, three they show significant potential to help with BP.

CNS Neurosci Ther. 2009 Summer;15(2):128-33.
Omega-3 fatty acids in depression: a review of three studies.

Osher Y, Belmaker RH.

Ministry of Health Beer Sheva Mental Health Center, Faculty of Health Sciences, Ben Gurion University of the Negev, Beer Sheva, Israel. [e-mail]
Abstract

We review three studies of omega-3 fatty acids in the treatment of depression that were carried out by our research group at the Beer Sheva Mental Health Center. The first study examined eicosapentaenoic acid (EPA) versus placebo as an adjunct to antidepressant treatment in 20 unipolar patients with recurrent major depression.

The second study used omega-3 fatty acids in childhood major depression; 28 children aged 6-12 were randomized to omega-3 fatty acids or placebo as pharmacologic monotherapy. The third study was an open-label add-on trial of EPA in bipolar depression.

Twelve bipolar outpatients with depressive symptoms were treated with 1.5-2.0 g/day of EPA for up to 6 months. In the adult unipolar depression study, highly significant benefits were found by week 3 of EPA treatment compared with placebo. In the child study, an analysis of variance (ANOVA) showed highly significant effects of omega-3 on each of the three rating scales. In the bipolar depression study, 8 of the 10 patients who completed at least 1 month of follow-up achieved a 50% or greater reduction in Hamilton depression (Ham-D) scores within 1 month.

No significant side effects were reported in any of the studies. Omega-3 fatty acids were shown to be more effective than placebo for depression in both adults and children in small controlled studies and in an open study of bipolar depression. (This review discusses three studies, all from our group, completed before the clinical trial registry was initiated.)

PMID: 19499625

[cliffordu]

30. Thanks for this -

I will investigate -

the shit they want me to take next is pure poison.

[MedicalAdmin]

136. A few thoughts from a clinic that works with this stuff...

First, any omega 3 sources should be verified by 3rd party assay ( someone else comes in and runs lab tests to verify their shit ain't shit, so to speak) that their oils are low or zero in heavy metals especially mercury. As a bipolar you do not need a neurotoxin in you system. Of the publically available ones, I know that Nordic naturals is clean. Metagenics is as well but may notmbe publically available locally.

Regarding reading of labels, add up the amounts of EPA and DHA to get a total and that total is your therapeutic dose. Ignore any other things they claim is in the bottle. Pay attention to total EPA/DHA. Use that total number to figure out your per dose cost as the cheapest bottle with these can also turn out to be the most expensive. Do the math and save the money.

Speaking of money. It ain't necessarily cheap. If cost is an issue then see if you can't get family to help out as you won't see immediate results. Need a referal? Send me a pm and I'll find someone in your area who understands this shit if possible.

One other idea. Glycine has been shown to be effective with base mod disorders. It won't be curative but it could cut down on the amount of psychotropics you need.

We have one case where the pt is schizophrenic and bipolar and used to spend a LOT (defined: majority) of time in the lock down ward. He hasn't been back in over a year and he mostly takes fish oil and glycine (plus vastly reduced psych drugs).

Good luck. It's a hard road you walk, but many of us walk it with you my brother/sister/friend.

[Terra Alta]

23. Thanks for sharing this.

from one mentally ill American to another -- :hug:

I am feeling the cuts too.. I used to see my therapist every two weeks for free; that's been cut down to once a month and I have a $25 co-pay. It isn't easy being mentally ill in America, but hopefully it will get better. :hug:

[cliffordu]

31. Thanks

And you're welcome -

I hope we all get what we need. This country could do better. Really.

[nadinbrzezinski]

25. We SHOULD de-stigmatize mental health

and reopen a slew of programs. That should be part of the discussion... alas it will not.

:hug:

[cliffordu]

32. I fear you are right - that we will NOT discuss this on a federal level.

Or even a state level.

[Pool Hall Ace]

26. Access to mental health care

This is why I posted this 'toon on my FB page the other day:

[cliffordu]

33. That is fucking horrifically funny.

and perfect.

[Cetacea]

84. Really. I find it degrading, insulting and discriminatory.

The cartoon says to me that mentally ill people look stupid, and goofy, and that if the mentally ill do not get help, they will go out and shoot people, rather than go on suffering in quiet dignity, as ninety five percent do. It does not suggest in any way just how painful it is, as I am sure you are well aware.
It further dehumanizes the "nuts". Easier to treat them as animals that way, which is why liberals fought to give the committed basic rights back in the 1960s and 1970s. Reagan, slime that he was, and the Right, pricks that they are, took advantage of a noble cause.

on edit; I do believe that the cartoonist had good intent but is ill-informed

[cliffordu]

89. Yep - I have a really gallows humor about a lot of this most of the time

but this is like after the first "Rambo, first blood" movie came out and all of a sudden the murderous Vietnam Vet was all the rage in the news and in entertainment -
A lie that continues to this day.

If I couldn't laugh at shit like that cartoon, I'd jump off a curb.......

[Cetacea]

98. Humour is good.

And I hope that your load lightens considerably. And thank you for your post.

[tavalon]

168. gallows humor

That's how I saw it.

[GreenPartyVoter]

28. I hear all that! *hugs* I lost my MaineCare and so lost my Lamictal, Wellbutrin and

they changed my Tegretol XR to plain old Tegretol. I was barely managing on my old cocktail but it turns out things were better with it than without it.

I am so sorry you've had trouble with manic spending. I know what that's like. :( :hug:

The health care system in this country has so many cracks in it, it's mind-boggling.

[cliffordu]

35. I did fine on Tegretol for years.

Then all of a sudden it tried to kill my bone marrow.

The warning is that in the BEGINNING of therapy is when the blood problems occur, not at the 8 year mark.

[GreenPartyVoter]

39. Thanks for the heads up. I will keep my eyes open just in case. :^(

[cliffordu]

41. They should test your blood every six months after the titration (sp?) period -

that is, the run up to a therapeutic dose....

[Cetacea]

105. Seems that all of the anti-convulsants leech minerals

I remember reading about dental problems with another AC.

[cliffordu]

113. I'm going to look that up -

I know they are terrible on the liver.....

and us dual diagnosis drunks need to take care of the liver....

[H2O Man]

29. Thank you.

Recommended.

[cliffordu]

36. Thanks, my good friend.

[ScreamingMeemie]

34. Thank you for sharing this.

It is very hard to share some things here and this was very hard to read. It's just not right.

[cliffordu]

37. I got no secrets.

pride, and false pride, left long ago.

kinda liberating in a way.

Thanks.

c

[pacalo]

68. The "pride" part is something I had a very difficult time with, but you're correct...

it's amazing how one's pride lessens as time goes on. As a mother hen with that particular issue in regard to her son, it's liberating & a step toward healing my own attitude.

[pscot]

194. Freedom's just another word

for nothing left to lose. Excellent post. Good luck, my friend.

[cliffordu]

232. Thanks, my friend.

[Catherina]

38. Thanks for sharing this Clifford. Rec'd with a comment and a question

Comment: Your post is magnificent.

Question: Whence the impression that anyone here is blaming the mentally stressed for gun violence? This isn't the first time I've sensed sensitivity about that but I don't see the reason. If there's a way people like me are expressing our belief that Loughner was psychotic that's coming across as placing blame for violence on mentally stressed people, please let me know what it is because that's not at all, not at all the intent.

Thanks for your magnificent post and compassion.

:hug:

[cliffordu]

40. I never meant to imply that people here were saying that -

it's just what I heard on Tweety's show the other day and in some of the editorials and in the other MSM/////



They seem to want it to be about mental illness alone, and not the treatment of it, or the political climate, or the complete abandonment of people a whole lot sicker than I am.

c

[Catherina]

66. I apologize because you didn't say or imply that

but I saw it stated on the forum before and couldn't understand why people thought that. Your explanation explains it. Thanks very much for clearing that up for me.

I'm astounded at the ignorance surrounding this! Maybe it's deliberate because you're right, they don't want to talk about any aspects of treatment, causes, etcetera.

This goes well with an MLK quote I reread yesterday

"True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it is not haphazard and superficial. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring."

[cliffordu]

70. Another reason I love MLK.....

I wish he were still with us.......

[Catherina]

75. Mee too. Smarmie Doofus started a thread yesterday

and I spent hours flipping through my MLK books to find marked pages.

At the end, tears were just running down my face because he got it. He really got it.

Here's yesterdays beautiful thread if you haven't seen it yet http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x185427

[tavalon]

169. Yikes! Don't listen to the puffy yellow birdie!

He's, well, simple and kind of stupid. I suppose he means well, as all tweety birds do, but...

[hay rick]

108. Loughner's mental issues

are being offered as an alternative explanation for his actions to counter the perceived claim that he acted in response to hateful and divisive political rhetoric. As you would expect, this is becoming the preferred narrative of the MSM which is incapable of dispassionately examining the hatemongers at Fox and their many brethren elsewhere in the media establishment. Mental issues also come up in the context of "guns don't kill, people do" when people place part of the blame on Arizona's permissive gun laws.

I see each (mental issues, political climate, gun laws) as contributing factors, and none as a necessary and sufficient condition for Loughner's shooting. Cliffordu's post shines a light on the declining availability of care for people suffering from mental illness and that fact is highly relevant to the discussion.

[cliffordu]

110. Yep - and thanks for this.

[Agony]

42. knowing some veterans and in particular one that realistically needs a

WHOLE team of people to get him through the rough spots. I can personally think about helping him all i want but then after a while _I_ need help.

So... I did think about it... but what I _will_ do Is call my new dumb fuck republican congressperson and ask him why he doesn't support mental health programs. Access to mental health services needs to increase now.

As a volunteer ambulance driver I see way to many frequent flyers that clearly need more help than they are getting.

All the best to you.

[cliffordu]

45. Thanks for this -

You are the last, good line of help some of us have,

without you shit is going to get a lot worse for a lot of people.

frequent fliers....long time since I heard that.....

[pacalo]

43. Beautifully said, cliffordu.

My 25-year-old son is a schizophrenic (my husband's oldest sister is one, too) & he's very mild-mannered when he's taking Zyprexa. We have his 3 daily doses separated & ready for him to take each day, making it extra simple for him & efficient for us to know that he's taken his meds. Every once in awhile, though, he'll complain that taking it makes him feel like a zombie, then he discreetly stops taking it -- hides it in his mouth until he's walked out of the room, we learned. Needless to say, it's not hard to tell when he's off his meds because he becomes belligerant & there's no way we can reason with him.

The belligerance & the refusal to be reasoned with is what I suspect the Loughtons had to deal with. For those with no experience in handling a mentally ill adult child during an "episode", try to imagine trying to lead a small child in an adult body who's having the worst temper tantrum you could imagine. This is what the Loughtons had to handle, but I'm thinking their son was always difficult to parent, & they assumed he was getting more independent-minded as he got older.

I've been there. Looking back, I know that my son's schizophrenia began during his senior year in high school, which was a year of hell for me. If I hadn't helped him do his homework every damn step of the way, he would not have graduated -- he could care less about that or anything else. I took him to see one of the better psychiatrists in the area for 6 months. Nothing was detected by the psychiatrist; my son was very sly & amiable with him.

In March following his high school graduation, he came into the kitchen where I was, crying & saying he needed help. He told me he was hearing voices, he was scared that "they" were going to kill him. We took him to the emergency room where he was diagnosed. Even though my husband's sister was a pschizophrenic, we never considered it could happen to one of our sons; we were horrified. We stayed at the emergency room until 5 am, when we were told he'd have to be transferred to a private mental health care facility -- those were the days when my son was still covered by my husband's insurance. That was a really good, pleasant hospital that is now way out of our out-of-pocket price range, I digress. Leaving my son there, seeing him walk into the admissions office to sign himself in as an adult, was the most heartbreaking moment as a parent. It's very much like a death in the family when a child's happy-go-lucky, witty personality deteriorates into a flatliner, chronically-sad one.

[cliffordu]

46. Thanks for sharing that -

The families need to get the message out there -

most patients are too sick to get it out.

[pacalo]

55. Part Two: (I'm typing this on my iPhone)

Everything you talk about is so spot-on, I just had to give you my input to let you know there are others out there with similar experiences & you're not alone.

There's an urgent need in this country to take care of mental issues properly. When a hospital emergency room treats a mentally ill patient's sliced wrists, "discovers" that the patient just happens to have a urinary infection & puts that on the chart as the sole diagnosis (for Medicare's approval, I'm guessing), then sends that patient home, something's terribly wrong with the system.

I don't know about you, clifford, but I plan to write to Patrick Kennedy & every adult-minded federal politician that may consider mental illness worthy of the same help given to serious physical illnesses.

A big hug for you :hug:

[cliffordu]

64. Thanks, this need is at critical mass, I believe

Between the numbers of homeless mentally ill and the people in prison over mental illness and their acting out, something needs to happen.

thanks for your hug....

:hug:

[Name removed]

73. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[bobbolink]

221. "mentally ill" people are only 16% of the homeless population.

Please, let us not keep equating these two different issues.

Thank you.

[maryf]

233. Yes...

and as both are stimatizing on their own, compounding the issues obfuscates the directions to be taken for a solution. There is nothing shameful about being mentally ill, and nothing shameful about being homeless, but the problems are different, even for those few who suffer from both, the two issues have to be dealt with separately.

[bobbolink]

234. EXCELLENT! That is a very good way of expressing it.... I think I wlll quote you on this.

Thank you.... you have put it in a way that is easy to grasp, states it suscinctly and accurately.

If "progressives" would follow your lead on this, both groups of people would be much better off.

Mahalo!

[Name removed]

235. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[maryf]

236. If I may explain?

And I hope I get this right? (and I do rec your thread, I have several bi-polar people in my family).

Bobbie consistently has to explain to people that the number one cause of homelessness is lack of affordable housing, not that the mental institutions release people who end up homeless as a result.

Advocates will take any opportunities to promote their cause, please don't take this as a thread jack; it is related. Thanks!

[dhill926]

44. very brave post......

and very enlightening. Thanks.......and good luck!

[shanti]

48. k&r

:hug:

i understand.

[cliffordu]

57. Thanks, shanti

Strength and hope to you.

[Puregonzo1188]

49. K&R

[cliffordu]

58. Thanks.

[David Zephyr]

50. K&R.

Kudos to you and your courage to write this.

My family, like so many others, has dealt with the cruel stigma of "mental illness" and it hurt and caused so much pain and shame.

Your OP was moving and inspired and...needs to be read.

K&R.

[cliffordu]

59. Thank you David.

:hug:

[JohnnyLib2]

51. K & R and thumbs up.

Thanks for being a voice from the real world. :kick:

[cliffordu]

61. Thanks.

Although 'real world' might be a subjective term, some days........lol......

:hi:

[Cerridwen]

52. Kick and recommend. I'm afraid I've nothing else to offer.

Maybe you could pretend to be an evil country we need to invade. "We'll" spend trillions on that.

:(

All that money to kill and destroy; pennies to help and to heal.

[cliffordu]

56. RIGHT !!!!

MY NAME IS IRAQUISTAN!!!!! INVADE IMMEDIATELY!!!!

[Enthusiast]

142. Yeah but. Yeah but. Yeah but.

We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them here. :sarcasm: :eyes:

[jwirr]

53. Thank you on behalf of all those in my family who need this kind of help. nt

[cliffordu]

71. You are welcome.

write your ccngress critter

[Turborama]

54. My (divorced) mother suffers from bipolar and I know exactly what you mean...

...when you describe the money thing, she's lost tons of money and her home due to manic episodes. After several years of confusion about her behavior, my brother and I finally worked out what was wrong (and that it appears to be hereditary amongst the females on her side of the family) but she still lies about whether she's taking the medication or not. In fact, she's going through a manic episode right now and has gone off the radar.

It's very difficult for me as I used to be the son who could communicate with her when she was manic (my brother has less patience) but I live in Indonesia now. She loves it here and my wife and I are starting renovations on our home now to baby proof the house and create apartment for her. I miss her greatly (it's been 3 years since I last saw her) and really hope I can get her here to stay and look after her as she gets older. :cry:

[cliffordu]

62. My god, I am so sorry

that you have had to deal with the worst of the symptoms and the aftermath.

There are fewer resources available to you than there are for me.

go find help if you can- just someone to talk to- it might restore some hope.

Sometimes the knowledge that we are not alone is all a human can hope for.

Sometimes it is enough.

[Turborama]

103. I really believe that being here is all the resources she needs

When I brought her over on vacation over 6 years ago she was not well when we arrived. However, 2 weeks later she was back being her "normal" self. The same thing happened when she came over to visit 3 years ago. I think this place is a great healing place for her and I can't wait to get her over here again.

If you ever need to come to a really relaxing healing place, just let me know by PM and we can discuss it further. ;-)

[cliffordu]

109. Well..

OMFG.....

Be careful what you offer.......I'm about done with this country........

I am speechless. (this is not easy to do to me...)

c

[pacalo]

72. Turborama...

You're a wonderful son & your mom's lucky to have you.

Big hug :hug:

[Turborama]

107. Thank you for the hug

And kind words. I'm lucky to have her. I'm just doing what comes naturally, must have inherited from her I think. ;-)

Big :hug: back

[emilyg]

60. Thank you for truth.

[cliffordu]

63. You are welcome.

Mine is not unique.

[MrMickeysMom]

74. This explains so much and it needed to be said...

... Thank you for saying it.

Godamnit... So much of what people SHOULD be talking about IS how much has been trampled over. I think it was Nixon who was so fascinated about how HMO's could make money for health "care" as a business model. Fuck what health care is SUPPOSED to do. Same for anything that in the attempt to call attention to mental health (days of Betty Ford) simply is another business model for the pharmaceutical company.

Engage your large muscles and exercise and hang in there, please. What you have to say interests me.

[cliffordu]

86. Thanks so much.

:hi:

[scarletwoman]

76. Thank you for your honest post and for making some very important points.

And thank you for your unselfish act of taking your own pain and turning it into a teaching on behalf of others.

:hug:
sw

[cliffordu]

90. You are quite welcome.

I wish it wasn't necessary.

[wakemewhenitsover]

77. Stated with eloquence...

...and sanity.:thumbsup:

[cliffordu]

91. thanks.

[charlie]

79. Emergency rooms, jails, worker absenteeism

and courts clogged with the consequences of people suffering episodes of their afflictions is, of course, WAY more expensive than treatment. We're about to learn that lesson again reprising the Reagan years. Neoliberal bean counters are burning the house down to avoid heating costs. Again.

Meanwhile, our TeeVees are filthy with ads for drugs that no one wants to see, that no one can afford. It's fucking obscene.

I'm sorry it's come to this, cliffordu. My best to you. You deserve better, you're owed better. We all are.

[cliffordu]

92. Yes, we are ALL owed better.

[Dappleganger]

80. At least when you have meds you choose to take them.

For those who won't take them the shit is even worse (for them as well as their families). My father is bipolar with early-onset Alzheimers, as well as as other surprises mixed in there. He hasn't fallen through the crack, he's chosen to live there and since my mother is now gone he has nobody left to live for (his daughters don't count in his mind).

[cliffordu]

93. I know I HAVE to take them.

there are lots of folks who cannot stand the side effects and bail on the meds.

some of these fucking things are pure poison.

[Dappleganger]

104. They truly are...

but for some people they quickly forget what it's like to come off them. My father prefers to self-medicate, too.

The fact that you feel compelled to keep taking them is a great thing for you!

[coalition_unwilling]

81. I can't recommend this OP and thread highly enough - n/t

[cliffordu]

94. Thank you.

:hug:

[coalition_unwilling]

82. I can't recommend this OP and thread highly enough - n/t

[generalbetrayus]

83. Thanks so much for your post, cliffordu.

The first thing I did when I heard about the shootings was go to my Facebook page and ask the question, "If we can't have health care for all, can we at least have MENTAL health care for all?". And even if you don't want or need our help, don't be afraid to post more about this,and about how you're doing. People need to hear the real life stories of being mentally in America today. I've never understood how a species that considers itself superior to all other species because of its "superior" brain power can be dismissive of illnesses of the brain ... Hang in there, dude.

[cliffordu]

95. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

[Withywindle]

85. Proud to be your 100th rec

Thanks for speaking up, cliffordu.


The thing is, there are lots of people out there who know that there is something desperately wrong with them, through whatever fog, and want SOME kind of help, and are getting the message that they have to do something dramatic that makes the news to get it. Otherwise, they're invisible, they're throwaways, nobody cares, and they have no options.

And you know what? In this kind of world? They're kind of right.

[cliffordu]

97. I cannot get psychiatric l help unless I tell them I'm

suicidal at the ER -

Then I get the three day commitment, the heavy antipsychotics and a bill for what Medicare won't cover anymore.

[Withywindle]

106. It's horrible.

Really horrible.

ER treatment is....unless you live in a rich area with a rich people's ER, not somewhere you ever want to be.

ER is meant for gunshot wounds and car wrecks and heart attacks and sincerely suicidal/homicidal cases and that sort of thing. But it's the only hope for any kind of medical care at all that waaaaaaayyyyyy too many people have.

[Swamp Rat]

87. k&r

:hug:

[cliffordu]

99. Thanks, Swamp Rat -

Howareya??

:hug:

[Fumesucker]

88. K&R, thanks for posting..

[cliffordu]

100. Thanks -

[WiffenPoof]

96. Wonderful Post...Needed Here

Thank you so much for your post.

I have similar issues...perhaps not as severe. However, my mother is a full blown manic depressive. Thankfully, her meds help a great deal.

As for myself, I have suffered from panic attacks for years and two bouts of clinical depression. Thankfully, it has been years since I have had either. If it weren't for the anti-depressants I take, I'm not sure where I would be right now.

The greatest hurdle I had to get over was feeling like I was "damaged goods." It does a number on your self-esteem. I'm in my fifties now. The stigma has been reduced, but there are still those out there that only see you as whacked. Now my daughter is mildly manic depressive. She is receiving assistance and is doing well. I'm very proud of the fact that she got help right away. She didn't care if people thought.

-PLA

[cliffordu]

101. Yep -

I'm not nearly as afraid of the stigma as I used to be - but there is still a little when the media blames mental illness on the mass killings - the lack of TREATMENT is the culprit, I think.....

[Phlem]

102. I hear you loud and clear.

My brother is Bipolar and I have PTSD.

All I can say is this population is growing but fuckin Arizona and it's gun toting Einsteins should be a wake up call to the nation.

We need help in this arena but unfortunately something bad has to happen before there's any play on MSM.

One needs to be mentally to see how bad we as a country have become.

-p

[HEyHEY]

111. I know what ya mean, man

I have OCD. It used to be extremely severe to points where I couldn't get out of bed in the morning cause I'd be locked into a thought pattern. Thankfully with meds and therapy I managed to overcome it and, though I'm always touchy about certain things, I rarely have full-blown episodes anymore. Maybe once a year if I'm really tired or something.

People who don't know what its like to not be able to control your brain are often so quick to judge mentally ill people. It actually makes me disgusted. I'm from Canada, so I had cheap drugs and free therapy. But, people who are REALLY effected often end up on the streets and get hovered up by the drug dealers. And everyone judges them, gets mad when you suggest your tax dollars should at least put a roof over their head. People have no idea, and are too dumb and selfish to get it.

Good luck, I wish nothing but the best for you.

[cliffordu]

114. I'm going to be Ok -

day at a time, one day at a time.

c

[pacalo]

119. I'm glad to hear you use that philosophy because it really helps.

My mom, sister, & brother think I'm so strong, but if I didn't take it one day at a time & not dwell on the future, I'd be a wreck. Thank God I've got a happy nature; it helps me & my family.

[hay rick]

112. K&R.

Thanks for a very illuminating post on the diminished resources devoted to caring for the mentally ill. It is one more sad marker on the trail of America's decline.

[TriMera]

115. Thanks for the insight, clifford.

Access to treatment is the issue that needs to be addressed and, until that happens, things will only get worse. Here in Washington State, the bulk of the budget cuts that are taking place are going to effect health care and mental health care for those of us who depend on the state to fill those needs. It's a vicious cycle that goes on and on.

All I have to offer is understanding and :hug:

[cliffordu]

117. I was living in washington when they let the psychiatrist go

at the mental health clinic -

I live in Oregon now and am trying to get hooked up with one that takes Medicare.

[canetoad]

116. Yep. Had you picked

as a nutter from the start. :hi: how the hell you going mate?

[cliffordu]

118. Alright for a guy

crazier than a shithouse rat.....

You??

:hi:

[readmoreoften]

120. Found out that a bipolar friend of mine tried to commit suicide this month. Isn't it bad enough to

suffer mental illness. Do we have to live in a society that doesn't give us real medical care on top of it?

[cliffordu]

121. sorry about your friend....

I hope they are now getting the help they need -

At the drug counter today I said I felt like they don't give a fuck if we all die.

This is going to get a lot worse....

[Swagman]

122. My regards to you. My wife is basically the same as you

but can I tell you how she is treated in Australia under universal Medicare so FUCK those who have made it so hard for Obama to give Americans decent health care :

1.she can choose her own doctor who bulk bills the government for his costs (and can take private patients-up to him the mix)

2.her meds are no more than $5.40 a time as the government negotiates with big US, German drug firms etc to buy bulk drugs in the billions$$$

3. If she spends over $1000 in a year on meds they are free from then on

4. Any hospital visit is free of cost

5. she gets a pension of $540 per fortnight plus a host of cuts on necessities-car tax etc.

### no politician in Australia-from the far left to the far right ever dares meddle with socialised medicine. In fact they compete with each other every election to offer the most.

[cliffordu]

124. Can I come and live on your couch???

[cornflake_31]

123. I hear ya

I also am bipolar. Been out of work now for almost 2 years. Insurance i had through my union ran out 6 months after i was layed off.
Luckily I have supportive parents who can afford $200+ a month for the meds that help me stay "normal".

The mentally ill in this country have fallen through the cracks.
All the warning signs were there to prevent this thing from happening in Arizona, but nothing was done, cuz he was just crazy and if we ignore em they will go away...

[cliffordu]

125. that's right - until one doesn't go away -

and then they taint the rest of us as dangerous and homicidal.

The only person I ever wanted to kill was me, 15 years ago. Not any more.

Too much fun being a pain in the ass.

[gateley]

126. You should send this to Obama. And Gregoire. I don't know if they can

actually DO anything, but they'll remember it every time they hear or allow more budget cuts to our mental health system.

This country, I tell ya. :eyes:

[cliffordu]

128. Ok, I'll do it

No shit.

[gateley]

129. It really strikes deep, cliffordu, it should haunt them. You're a wonderful

spokesman for your fellow brothers and sisters who have also been discarded. :headbang:

:hug:

[cliffordu]

131. Thank you, gateley

[lamp_shade]

127. K&R.

[cliffordu]

133. thanks

Fook me, long time no see, how ya been??

[pinboy3niner]

130. Big K&R, bro

Thanks for bringing the reality. :fistbump:

[cliffordu]

132. Thanks, my brother.

right back at you.

:patriot:

[blueamy66]

134. I am very sorry for your situation.

I am on druggies too. Thank God I have health insurance and can work.

But, where were the parents?????

My brother was a mess....should have been in rehab/counseling many times....but my Dad just enabled him.

I guess that it comes down to the fact that parents of adult children are just stuck and really have their hands tied. Or some just are "blind".

This is why I have never had my own children. :-(

[cliffordu]

135. I have it better than lots of folks -

I'll survive.

For a lot of others I meet, maybe not so well.....

Glad you have insurance - although I am sorry about your brother....

I hope he gets the help he needs.

[Pooka Fey]

137. Thank you for this brilliant, well-written and important post and message

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is such an important message. I know what you mean. And thanks also for being brave enough to share your story with the DU community, because I know that what you wrote takes enormous courage. You are a very cool, and rare person. :hug:

[greiner3]

138. Just got out of a psychiatric 'hospital.'

It was state funded and although it was nothing like what you see and/or hear about such places it did have serious flaws. This is my 4th stay in such a facility. As that number increases the odds of my returning to other mental hospitals also increases. I believe that the average after someone's 4th stay rises to 95% or so. Recently 2 mental hospital units were shut down in this city because of a big budget cut. If there are further cuts I pity the US because I would not want many of my former 'inmates' running the streets rampant, at least not without their meds.

My largest memory of the experience is of 2 18 year old 'women' who were there. Both were suicidal with one being a cutter and she went too far. The other took a heroin overdose. At this rate I could see the suicide rate in this country rising 10 fold with more cuts to mental health.

It may be self centered of me and everybody has an opinion but I see the mentally ill in this country as the last vestige of a seriously discriminated group. Just look at the film industry and it's depiction of mental illness. Who does not get these images of chain saws, torture, rapine and other mind pictures in their heads when someone 'comes out of the closet' and admits they are mentally ill? As mentioned by the OP schophrentics are probably deserving of some fear but your common, run of the mill bi-polar or depression patients are for the most part inwardly troubled and when in crisis mode will probably commit suicide not homicide. I have more but I'm late for an appointment.

[cliffordu]

140. My point about schizophrenics was not that they were more dangerous

but that the Doctor available had his hands full with them as hands on patients and not so much with me, the garden variety bipolar yahoo....

If I'd gone suicidal I could have seen him.

[fasttense]

139. We live in a society. No matter what Libertarians would like you to believe.

"The killer in Arizona didn't operate in a vacuum."

None of us operate in a vacuum. This society is created by all of us. If you want to bow out, you have just affected the society by bowing out and letting everyone else decide how this society will be.

We can not let the greedy, the heartless, the hate filled rule this society all the time. We have to stand up and change it.

[Enthusiast]

141. God bless you, cliffordu.

We face a powerful opposition. They would dismantle the social safety net entirely.

[cliffordu]

201. Thanks - they are trying to dismantle it as fast as they can.....

I dunno what we all do then.

Hoovervilles I guess.

[pinboy3niner]

143. I'm reluctant to post personal info on the internets...

...butI was moved to PM cliforddu. He replied that my message shoud be an OP. I think not, but I'm willing to to post it here:

Hey, 2 effs

("2 effs" is a private joke from our first encounter here, when I dropped an 'f' in referring to our friend, and he couldn't resist calling me on it.)

I have some experience with Bipolar Disorder. Not me, but my only son, now 34, was finally diagnosed when young--after years of being tagged only as "emotionally disturbed."

My ex and I went through hell when he was little, and there was no respite care available to give us a break. Many times I had to sit on my son and hold him down (as instructed by his shrink) when he was out of control.

It didn't help that all of this was occurring when I was still struggling with my Vietnam War demons. I'd buried it very deep, and even though I didn't have a clue what was going on with me, VN was affecting me profoundly.

What a relief when my son finally got a diagnosis! At least what he--and we--were going through wasn't a mystery, it was explainable, and it had a name. AND it had medications.

He started on imipramine, and we saw a dramatic improvement, followed by regression, followed by an increase in the dose and more improvement, followed by regression, another dosage increase, improvement, regression...

During a regression, my son's psychologist thought things were going nowhere, so it was time to take a break from treatment. The psych decided that, if my Doug wasn't being monitored by a psychologist, he couldn't continue to prescribe...

Things went all to hell, and we had to put Doug in a residential treatment facility. I traveled around the country, visiting facilities, until I found one in Texas that I thought coiuld help him (we lived in Northern Virginia at the time). He wound up staying there for 18 months.

At the same time, the marriage was crumbling, due to both this ordeal and my PTSD. The biggest disagreement between my ex and me was when my son left the treatment center. He was doing well, and she unilaterally decided that he should go without medication. I can understand it, in a way--she desperately wanted him to be "normal" and she wanted to believe he was "cured."

My own feeling was that Doug's disorder was a matter of a deficiency in brain chemistry, and the "cure" was corrective medications--for the rest of his life.

Of course, without medication, Doug went downhill rapidly.

It was during that time that I had a dramatic catharsis on Vietnam. It all came flooding back, and I cried every day for two months, and it was positive. I felt like I'd finally "come home." My wife asked, "who is this new person I'm living with?"

Very briefly, we were closer and more intimate than we'd ever been. Then it was, "Why do you have to be the one doing volunteer work for vets? I thought you were supposed to be okay now."

She didn't get it. I did. I understood that it was natural for me to plunge in and overcompensate for all those years of denial.

Poor Doug was caught in the middle of this. From what he'd heard from his mom, he "didn't have to listen to" me. When we separated, I told her that we needed to sit down together and explain this to Doug. She told me that that wasn't necessary, she'd already talked to him.

There's a lot more, but I'll spare you the details. Surprisingly, my final discovery of my own PTSD made me feel even closer to my son in his disorder.

Cut to the present: I just got a letter from my son, in jail across the country. We'd been estranged for a dozen years after we had a phone conversation when he was deep in a manic episode. He wouldn't speak to me after that, so I sent money to my ex to help him out. I always figured he'd contact me again, but I didn't think it would take this long--or that it would break my heart so much every single day.

Of course, after VN, depression is no stranger to me. Been there before, BIG TIME! Wanted to end my life, as you have. Prozac was a big help. But the closest I came, contemplating--and planning--offing myself, I realized that I couldn't do it. My survival instinct is just too strong.

I'm happy you survived all your challenges, brother. And that you have such a healthy perspective on all of this.

But whenever you need help, financial or otherwise. I'm there.

I'm living on a partial disability retirement form the Army. Years ago, I almost told them to cancel my payments. Good thing I didn't. But I live pretty frugally, so I'm able to save a lot of money even on my limited income. That allows me to make political donations, to help family members, and to donate to my local food bank and other charities.

You and I have been there before, and we understand things in a way that some just don't get. Well ,thank God they didn't have to go to war to learn what we did. I hope we can educate them in other ways.

Please know, brother, that when things get bad, I'm here. If you need a few bucks for food or meds, I'd be offended if youkept it to yourself and didn't let me know about it.

You're a good man, 2 effs, and I love you brother.

[CanSocDem]

156. Good post.

And a hearty high5 for keepin' it all together!!

.

[cliffordu]

159. Great letter from a friend and a great post here.

Thanks, man.

[PA Democrat]

144. Thanks for posting, cliffordu.

Sadly, the only time the media talks about our broken mental health system is in the very rare case when the person with mental illness engages in violent behavior directed at the rest of society. The truth is that people with mental illness are more likely to be the VICTIMS of violent crimes than the perpetrators. You never hear about that in the MSM; they cover only the cases like the Virginia Tech shootings and the Tucson shootings.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/96871.php

Thanks to Ronald Reagan, millions more people fall through the cracks every year. I've been dealing with the mental health system since my youngest child was diagnosed with autism more than 16 years ago. The system is broken and it is getting worse as the programs for people without a voice are usually the first in line for cuts when state and local budgets are tight.

[JoeyT]

145. K&R

The killer in Arizona didn't operate in a vacuum.

This, this, this a thousand times over.

We really shouldn't have to keep reminding people that We The Fucked Up can work TVs, radios, and computers. We respond to outside stimuli. Often poorly. That's kind of the point. If we didn't, we wouldn't have a problem.

The only place the destitute have to go is the Emergency room for a three day visit to the psych ward and a massive dose of Zyprexa (look that fucker up), or something worse.

And then you get a bill for thousands of dollars. Which pretty much guarantees you'll never be able to afford your medicine again. That and once you're there you're not allowed to leave. A friend found that out the hard way. Total cost for treatment that he wanted out of 30 minutes into it: Just over $2000 for three days of being locked in a room alone and drugged into a stupor with no counseling of any kind. So you're in even worse shape when you come out than you were when you went in financially, mentally, and emotionally.

[DissedByBush]

146. I've been manic due to prescription drug use

Not abuse, just using as prescribed.

You'd think it's fun. It's not. It's downright scary and when it's over you say "I did what?!"

[amyrose2712]

147. Thank you for saying this. nt

[TBF]

148. You were brave to share this -

a very powerful OP. I would make it recommended reading for every member of this site if I could.

My mom lives on 600+ a month too - retired at 62. She also had a bit of inheritance (bought a duplex for herself and my sister so they have housing), and she works at McDonalds part-time. My sister works at a nursing home, goes to school, and raises her 2 daughters. The four of them are a family.

I live far away now, with my own family, but I do what I can. When my mom needs meds (that donut hole thing) I send the deductibles for her back-up state health insurance so she doesn't miss any meds. And then I think about all the other folks out there who can't just pick up a phone and call a family member to help out (which I'm sure isn't easy for her to do anyway).

I am confident, though, at some point this gap is just too wide and people revolt. Massive strikes, non-violent sit-ins, whatever it takes to force government to tax billionaires so the rest of us have a half of a chance to live.

Thank you again for your OP and godspeed.

[cate94]

149. Great post.

"If 'we' - the mentally ill - were truly to blame for gun violence, there would be tens of thousands of mass killings a year, considering the number of we "subnormals" and the number of guns are available."

Profound statement.

Thank you for your insight.

[raccoon]

150. Rec'd. In the majority of cases, if you have mental illness in the US, you're screwn. nt

[mdmc]

151. thanks for the OP

enjoyed reading it..

peace and low stress..

[alwaysdemocratic]

152. Mental Conditions

I'm sorry. I do stand up for the mentally ill every chance that I have. It is a physical condition, and no one should think otherwise. I pray that there will be more understanding and help for these conditions. God speed to you, my friend.

[cliffordu]

164. Thanks.

[Sonoman]

153. You sure as fuck fooled me, clifford.

I have seen your posts since you started on DU (I have been around a long time, just never signed in), and have always thought that you were one of the most solid guys around.

Take care of yourself (as I am sure you will).

Sonoman

[cliffordu]

162. I don't post when I'm real sick.

Can't write.

It's why I go silent on occasion

thanks.

c

[tavalon]

173. He is solid and he's mentally ill

I'm solid and I have unipolar. My husband has bipolar. Every last one of us in this house has ADD (even the dog, I kid you not!). We are functioning loving humans who happen to have an illness that lives in the brain. Fuck the stigma. I'm just grateful everyone in my house is able to get their necessary meds and have choice around how they treat their illness. We are blessed in that.

[joanbarnes]

154. Mental illness

See Food Matters. Big Pharma censors doctors from suggesting nutrition and vitamins. Good luck to you. Try niacin. At least it won't hurt you.

[Mafia Killer]

157. K & R !!!!

glad to know I'm not in the crazy boat alone.
everything you said times two !
like you said.....if it were the mental illness that drove him to commit this despicable act, there would be weekly slaughters.
I agree with you %1000 that it's the REALLY DEMENTED persons who are promoting....and inciting....these acts.
shame on Rush.....Beck....O'Reilly.....Palin......long list.......

[cliffordu]

165. Nice thing about the crazy boat....

We will never be truly alone because it isn't profitable to cure what ails us.

[billyoc]

158. You make more sense every time I hear you.

Keep the faith. :hi:

[cliffordu]

163. You too, my friend, you too.

:hi:

[tavalon]

160. I get what your rant is about, but damn

I know you. This so sucks.

[cliffordu]

161. It's all good, kiddo,

Not to worry -

I have the support you and my other friends here,

And that goes a long way towards things being just fine.


:hi:

[tavalon]

175. I'm heading to bed now (12 hour nightshift)

but I am PMing your butt when I get up. Not fine, IMO, not even close.

[cliffordu]

177. PM my butt anytime you like

sounds risque........lol......

[lillypaddle]

166. People who aren't going through

what you are going through, can't begin to understand the frustration and fear you must feel - myself included. All I can say is to ... frankly, I don't know what to say.

What a struggle for you and countless others. Heartbreaking.

Best wishes to you, for all the good that will do.

:hug:

[cliffordu]

167. I'm going to be OK -

I'm in better shape than a lot of people I see shoving shopping carts past my window here.....

[BobbyBoring]

170. Thanks for shating

My father died in a mental institution. That was back in the day when we had them. Our society more than anything is contributing to mental illness and doing nothing about it.

It's stories like yours that make me cringe every time I hear the word "Socialism"

[GinaMaria]

171. chemical restraints

have become a sensible solution in this resource depleted situation. I wish it were different. Stay well.

[cliffordu]

176. Thanks

And chemical restraints are exactly what they are.....but that is another post for another time.......

[Swampguana]

172. and people vote against a public option

[cliffordu]

179. Yep - they really fucking did.

[FourScore]

174. Great post.

Thanks for sharing this, cliffordu.

[cliffordu]

180. You are quite welcome...

:hi:

[Forkboy]

178. Happy to give this a K&R

[cliffordu]

181. Thanks, forkboy,

Howareya???

c

[Forkboy]

237. I've been doing so well it's scaring me.

I keep waiting for a meteorite to land on my head or something. :)

I can relate to your OP, even down to taking the Lamictal.

[cliffordu]

238. Great to hear....

:hi:

Lamictal, too, huh?

great stuff.

c

[steve2470]

182. very brave and wonderful post, thank you nt

[cliffordu]

183. Thanks -

I dunno about brave.......ill advised, maybe.....

:rofl:

[slackmaster]

184. Automatic Rec for first-person account

:kick:

[cliffordu]

185. Thanks!

[defendandprotect]

186. Thank you for trying to explain to us all what it's really like ....

This abuse of people of every kind who really need help does harm to all society.

Except elites, of course.

And, would add, attacking the weakest among us is standard for elites.

Re this incident, however, I disagree re guns -- we need sensible gun control in this

country. No one could have done this amount of damage aside from having a repeating

gun and/or a bomb.

Nor should anyone with a gun have been permitted at this rally.

We obviously need at least that much protection for our representtives.

And I'm greatly concerned about the Koch Bros' T-BAGGERS and the right wing efforts

to increase political violence in America. This is the same family that gave us the

John Birch Society during the JFK era. Violence is the only way the right wing can

rise -- that's why they keep pushing it and using it.


Also would like to add that the mentally ill are no more violent than any other segment

of our society -- it's about 5%. And, I never heard anyone questioning Hitler's sanity

or Stalin's sanity -- or W. Bush's sanity -- Rumseld's sanity -- or Cheney's.

And, why not?




Banning guns or abusing the less than sane is not truly the answer, under these conditions.



PS: Just want to compliment you on your courage in telling us about what you've

experienced. You've put our need to have information above your personal privacy.

That's a lot to do.

Also would like to say that IMO this chemical imbalance so many suffer is created the

same way so many of our diseases are created -- by harm done to the individual by our

environment and pollution. Someone once suggested that those already suffering may be

the canaries warning us. The brain is the most delicate organ in our body -- anything

negative will impact there first.


:)

[Blue_Tires]

187. major kick

<<<< also not quite right in the head....

[Uncle Joe]

188. Kicked and recommended.

Thanks for sharing and peace to you, cliffordu.:thumbsup:

[cliffordu]

196. Thanks

[ceile]

189. very true k&r!

[postatomic]

190. Thank you for being so open and candid

And the same kudos go out to those that have told their own story.

If I follow my suggested treatment program it would cost me $500.00 a month and that's on top of the $1,500 a month the two of us pay for Health Insurance. You do the math. We can't get cheaper insurance because of pre-existing. It you're "bat shit crazy" in this country you're fucked. Our carrier raised our premiums by $400 a month after the "Health Care Reform" was passed. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that.

We've been told that our Premiums will probably go closer to $2,000 a month when they are renewed in May. When that time comes we will probably elect to drop our Health Care and roll the dice that nothing serious happens.

I need my treatment but I've convinced my SO that I can 'go it on my own'. We just can't afford it.

A few months ago I bought a One Way Ticket Home. I can't believe how easy it is in this country to buy a gun. I was 100% truthful on my application and the whole process took less than 1 1/2 hours. I did it partly to see if I could and partly because I wanted to. I know that this will be hard for people to understand but I get a sense of comfort knowing that I have this One Way Ticket Home that I can redeem whenever I want.

When Obama was on Jon Stewart an audience member had made a comment not unlike the situation we are in. Obama responded that the States have the power to prevent this. Yea, like any of the States have done anything to prevent people from being raped by the Health Insurance companies. :eyes:

I get so angry when the Obama administration tells us that we are "On the Road to Recovery" with the economy. That is complete and total bullshit. I suppose I could just run up the Credit Cards to pay for my treatment and then file for bankruptcy. That would be one "Road to Recovery" I could travel.

I apologize for my anger. I try so hard to be relaxed. I know that in about 3 hours I will need a 'fix' from one of my meds to get me through the rest of the day. Isn't much of a life but I'm still breathing.

Again; thank you for being so open and candid.
:hug:

[cliffordu]

198. Well...

Thanks, and i want you to get the help you need, but PLEASE get rid of that ticket, PLEASE.

I understand the impulse. Please believe me when I say that. I understand the feeling of thinking you can take charge of your life, even if it is only for a final act. I UNDERSTAND.

Dump that fucker and go to the hospital if you have to, PLEASE.

Go every week if you have to. Tell them about the ticket home and they will admit you.

Please do this. My stepdad used his ticket and my whole family still bear the scars. Trust me. The people left behind get to serve a sentence in hell.

Dump the ticket. FIght for your life.

There are enough of us around that you do NOT have to be alone.

[postatomic]

208. I guess I was a little too open and candid

Should have never dumped my crap on the table. I just read your story and all the others here and it ripped my heart out. Guess the emotion of the moment took over. I apologize for that.

I won’t go back to the Hospital. That place is hell. It’s a Prison. Never slept more than 3 or 4 hours a night despite their efforts to drug the shit out of me. My sleep number on the cardboard mattress was 0.

I bought my Ticket in reaction to something my Therapist did. I’ve thought about taking the Ticket to her and throwing it on her desk and telling her what she made me do. But if I did that I know exactly what she will do. When I tried to resume the sessions recently she all but said “fuck off”. This was someone I gave over 200 hours of my life to.

I’ve lost all my Level 3 (or is it Level 4?) contacts. One died in October from Cancer. She really “got it” and I found out later that she was still asking about me when she was in Hospice before she died. I’ve even considered going to Church. If you knew me you’d understand how radical that is.

I’m not important. What is important that you and the millions of others in this country get affordable access to Mental Health care. AND being Mentally Ill doesn’t mean you are a ’monster’ that is shunned by society. The pain suffered by the Mentally Ill can be unbearable. So I urge others to stop for a moment before you ridicule or mock those that suffer from a Mental Illness.

Congress doesn’t “get it” and I doubt they ever will so I guess it’s “Patient, Heal Thyself” for most of us.

Think I’ll be taking my med fix a little early today. Thank you very very much for your concern but this is one journey that I have to take on my own.

Be well.
:hug:

Edit: Not 600 hours. Not thinking clearly. When I try to focus on these thoughts I go into what I call a 'Brain Freeze'. I shut down. Screws me up so I try to stay busy, and take more meds.

[cliffordu]

213. Hang in there,

Please.

c

[pinboy3niner]

191. Kick

[PatrynXX]

192. I've got parents for this but Wellmark sucks

They fucked me coming into Iowa. Wellmark is Blue Cross Blue Sheild. Didn't think anything of it. But they nailed me in 2001 for pre existing condition. Probably one of the first during Bush's reign to get skewered. and Ritalin LA is not cheap. I'm supposed to take Prevacid 30 mg every day. Ahem I stopped about 2 years ago because the price really hurt my prarents $170 a month on top of Ritalin at $120 my deductable is $1000 and when I hit that they only refund (thru the mail ) 50 % of the prescriptions. So yes I could choke to death because I have acid reflux, but chose my ADD over the acid :(

I was originally diagnosed with OCD , then ADD.... along the way they figured out that OCD might be caused by panic disorder. And because I lost my job in 2008 I'm being treated for clinical depression. I'm getting Lexapro for free thru whoever the fuck owns it. But have to sign something from time to time to keep it free.


Right now my only solace is this site and politics. Otherwise I would have become a piece of wood long ago.

[cliffordu]

199. I'm glad you are getting at least part of your meds

we could develop a voice - and just badger Congress incessantly.

But you know, the things we need are "entitlements" and as such are expendable.

as are we.

[Tatiana]

195. Thank you for sharing this. I'm a little teary-eyed.

This reminds me so much of my ex-husband and the turmoil he has been (and is going) through. He did fine on Zyprexa but had an episode and went off his meds. It was downhill from there. He was furious at a 3-day stay in the hospital and signed himself out (he's a legal adult and they let him).

Unless you have the $$$ to pay for a residential treatment facility (which, at one point, we did and my then-husband did fantastic), you have to scramble and knock on a thousand doors just to be able to get those with a mental illness access to services like SSI, Medicare or Medicaid. You have to find an overbooked, overwhelmed doctor willing to take on your loved one and willing to accept the state's lower reimbursement rate.

It's a nightmare to navigate this system and I can't imagine someone who is already battling a disorder being able to do so.

We really need to do something about this problem. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your own personal story.

:hug:

[cliffordu]

200. You're welcome, and thanks for sharing yours.

[dave29]

197. k&fing r n/t

[cliffordu]

203. say it, brother!

[WheelWalker]

206. Blessings.

[tpsbmam]

207. With a STRONG objection to the term "subnormals,"

I thank you for your brilliant & courageous post. You're absolutely right on all accounts. And there's nothing "subnormal" about you. IMO, subnormal are the Palins and Limbaughs of the world, not people with mental illnesses. (I don't rule out narcissistic personality disorder for either of them and some other possible diagnoses, but nothing that justifies making them the destructive, putrid wastes of oxygen that they are!!)



:toast: :hug:

[cliffordu]

211. Thanks so much,

I sometimes use scurrilous words as over the top indictments of the language some fools use as the norm....

c

[uppityperson]

209. k&r and hey

local news, swains is closing, otherwise about the same. We managed to survive Snowmagedon last wk, got a grand 2 inches for a few hours before it warmed and rained.

Life goes on here, hoping you are dong ok.

I have a sib who is mentally ill but won't take meds since the rest of us are the problem. I wonder if Jarred was able to understand he needed help.

[cliffordu]

212. Glad to hear the big storm left you relatively untouched

I'm alright, lots a little snivels but no major complaints.....

Sorry about your brother, I understand the impulse to blame everyone else.....

I hope he gets what he needs.

c

[mnhtnbb]

210. Just want to affirm your statements. Hubby has been a psychiatrist for almost 40 years

Worked in the VA System, taught at University, worked in public sector programs, had a private practice.
He has been laid off, due to budget cuts, from 3 county mental health clinics that closed here in NC in the last couple of years--all as a result of "reform". Reform, my a$$. People are NOT getting treatment
and there is nowhere else for them to turn.

And yes, he started out in practice in California and watched what "reform" did there. The politicians
are complicit--he had numerous discussions with our local NC state Rep about mental health reform
over the last few years so she couldn't say she hadn't been informed--and the most surprising thing
is how this woman continues to be admired by Dems for "trying" to save mental health care. Total BS!
She's been helping it be destroyed, one vote at a time.

I'm sorry you are facing such difficult decisions. Good luck.

[Apollo11]

215. Banning guns would save thousands of lives every year

If you doubt it, just look at the statistics for countries like England, where there are way fewer firearms in circulation.

The reasons why Americans believe that you cannot ban guns are political and practical, rather than based on any kind of objective evidence.

Also most Americans seems to think that the second amendment is some kind of divine text that can never by questioned by mere humans.

The irony is that the idea for the second amendment was copied from the English Bill of Rights of 1689.

Although the British have kept a lot of old traditions (like their Royal Family), the British Parliament has not been afraid to introduce strict gun control laws since 1903.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_politics_in_the_United_Kingdom

[marew]

216. Cliffordu, I am so sorry. It shouldn't be like this.

Welcome to the Republithug America. "Let's take everything away from the neediest among us and we'll keep going and going after everybody till its just us!"

[cliffordu]

224. I know it shouldn't,.

Republic of corporatastan

[Ladyhawk]

219. I lost all my mental health care except my meds.

The county lost its funding: Bye-bye, psychiatrist. Bye-bye, psychologist.

[JuniperLea]

220. I wonder what Ronald Reagan's psychic...

Or his astrological charts told him to do about the mental health situation. I know he didn't make a move without them.

Thanks for sharing, c. I've helped care for a Schizophrenic family member for over 40 years now, I know what you're saying. She gets monthly Haldol shots now that give her the shakes. I can't say more right now... tears...

Be well.

[cliffordu]

225. You too, and god bless ya for taking care of that family member....

Haldol.....

Jesus I didn't know they were still using that...

[JuniperLea]

228. It's the AZT of mental medications...

Horrid stuff... no wonder most patients stop taking it.

There's a man in my neighborhood. I don't know him, but I see him driving around in his little gold Mercedes. His license plate frame says "It Works!" and the plate itself says "Haldol." I'd sure like to know what that's all about.

Take care of yourself.

[cliffordu]

229. Maybe the fucker owns stiock in the company that makes it.

Maybe he's one of the demons that developed it......

[demigoddess]

222. agree totally, and know what you mean,

zoloft is what keeps me sane. Even tho it gives me headaches and other little problems. Off it I feel better but cannot cope with real life.

[cliffordu]

226. Yep - nothing for free in this psychiatric wilderness....

[DirkGently]

223. Everyone needs to know these facts and hear this point of view. Thank you.

[cliffordu]

227. Thanks.

:hi:

[goforit]

239. Wow....The American Healthcare system at its best.

[cliffordu]

240. DEATHPANELS RULE!!!

single payer.

There is no excuse.

Bush took away my blood pressure drugs and acted like he made my programs better......

Hell has no ring deep enough for his ilk.