Buffalo Teen Kills Himself After Years Of Anti-Gay Bullying

[meegbear]

Heartbroken Buffalo parents Tracy and Tim Rodemeyer say they found their 14 year-old son Jamey dead yesterday morning in a presumed suicide. Jamey had long complained of vicious homophobic bullying at the hands of his classmates.

Jamey Rodemeyer needed help. At 14, he was grappling with adolescent demons that could torment grown men. And when he was online, he wrote about it. "I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens," he wrote Sept. 9. "What do I have to do so people will listen to me?" Just over one week later, Jamey was found dead outside his home of an apparent suicide. In the months prior, he routinely blogged about school bullying and thoughts of suicide in between upbeat posts about his pop star idol Lady Gaga and the ordinary types of teen rants typical for kids his age. On Sept. 8, he wrote: "No one in my school cares about preventing suicide, while you're the ones calling me (gay slur) and tearing me down."

Much of Jamey's tormenting came via cyber-bullying. His parents, who say they discussed and supported Jamey's questioning of his sexuality, intend to carry on his campaign against bullies.

http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2011/09/new-york-buffalo-teen-kills-himself.html

[Robb]

1. Heartbreaking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Pb1CaGMdWk

[ThatsMyBarack]

76. Thanks for the link.

I tried to watch it, but I couldn't finish it. :cry:

RIP Jamey. You sound like a great kid. I wish I could have met you. O8)

[mod mom]

2. So sad. RIP Jamey.

[reggie the dog]

3. what can be done to help teens like this aside from stopping the

bullying? what can we do as parents to help our kids if they are bullied for similar reasons?

[yardwork]

4. Schools need to take bullying seriously.

[Cid_B]

10. And what does that mean exactly?

Sounds good but so what?

Never going to remove the mean people from society.... ever...

Never going to be able to totally isolate children or even adults in their interactions with "bullies"

The solution lies in how the child responds and not in enforcing some unrealistic and unobtainable standard on the rest of the world. The parents should look to themselves first before they begin their new crusade.

[nadinbrzezinski]

12. Well for starters when kids complaint of it

it should be investigated not kids will be kids...

But hey, I heard what you just posted, in Spanish while growing up

[Maven]

42. Right. It's not homophobia that's the problem, it's how gay kids respond to it.

Classic blame-the-victim mentality.

[Cid_B]

44. Fine.. so tell me your solution to fix it...

What are you going to force everyone else to do and how will you enforce your standard... whatever that may be?

[ZombieHorde]

47. I think we should we create the laws necessary to remove bullies from school. nt

[Cid_B]

49. What would those laws say?

What constitutes bullying?

One swirlie or four nasty comments about your haircut and you are out of there? Ridiculously unenforceable and subjective...

Also, do you plan to remove all the assholes from the workplace and social events once they reach adulthood?

Even if you could "get rid of bullies in school", it would be like sending someone with no immune system into a disease ridden sewer.

[ZombieHorde]

53. "One swirlie or four nasty comments about your haircut and you are out of there?"

Sure, sounds fine. Easily enforceable.

Also, do you plan to remove all the assholes from the workplace and social events once they reach adulthood?

We already deal with bullies in the "adult word;" e.g. jail, restraining orders, etc. We are not talking about random grumps; we are talking about bullies.

[saras]

50. Maybe not REMOVE them, but make sure they're street people and no better...

A "realistic" standard is that as soon as the bullies cross the legal line for the first time, the law is brought in and it is made perfectly clear to everyone involved that this has crossed the line from personal relationships to crime.

Battery is a crime. It deserves jail time, every time. It's not a mere assault, which could be purely emotional or impulsive. It's sustained, ongoing action that requires conscious will.

If we can send kids to jail for bringing toy guns to school, we can certainly send them to jail for violent beatings of innocents.

[MadMaddie]

56. What does that mean? I think it means that everyone

students and adults are responsible for their actions. Bully's exist because we let them exist, we allow them to be themselves in this society. Yet, we don't allow gay teens to be themselves because of fear that they will be taunted and beat up.....

Seems as though schools and parents need to hold some responsibility, what I mean by that is that the bully's should be stopped in their tracks with consequences for their actions. I am talking suspension and if there is bodily harm to a victim then prosecution. They do it because they are allowed to get away with it and it must be stopped.

[RKP5637]

66. +1000 +++ n/t

[yardwork]

73. That means enforcing their own rules against bullying, for starters. Not blaming victims.

I'm not surprised by your post, though. You've posted similar things many times in the past.

[LeftishBrit]

77. Would you apply the same to violence and harrassment in adulthood?

If an adult beats up others in the street, or mugs them for their money, or constantly sends them abusive and threatening letters and e-mails, then they are subject to criminal and civil laws. You will never remove all sorts of bad things from society completely; does that mean that you shouldn't try to limit them as much as possible.

'The solution lies in how the child responds and not in enforcing some unrealistic and unobtainable standard on the rest of the world.'

So it's all the victim's fault? And it's an 'unrealistic and unobtainable standard' to say that bullying should be forbidden? Do you want a complete 'law of the jungle' where the devil may take the hindmost (pretty much what RW Republicans want to establish for the whole of society)? Forbidding undesirable behaviour will never work completely; despite laws and rules against stealing, cheating, and even murder, people still do these things at times. But one can at least aim for a society, in school and in later life, where the nastier actions are discouraged rather than encouraged.

[Smarmie Doofus]

48. Schools can teach homosexuality as the science and history that it is.

Not to do so is to *lie* about it and effectively to defame homosexual people.

[JustAnotherGen]

5. Gaah

A very good friend of mine from years ago . . . her husband was one of the responding officers. Shook her and him to the core - their daughter went to school with this boy. Terribly sad for the community.

[murielm99]

7. It doesn't go away, either.

My husband was on a coroner's jury for a teen suicide. The boy was bullied for being gay.

This was about three years ago. Whenever the subject of bullying comes up, my husband mentions this case. It haunts him.

Maybe bullies should be sentenced to witness the results of their handiwork. They should sit in on the court cases. They should listen to the families and friends testify. They should view the autopsy photos.

[JustAnotherGen]

34. Her husband said the same thing

I.E. It would be just desserts to have made every single one of them have to walk past that young man's body. :-(

[BeyondGeography]

6. A terrible loss

Watched the clip; a lovely kid. I'll never understand the tormenting.

[hedgehog]

8. I wonder if we're being distracted by the bullying from the real cause -

depression. From the article on the link, there is a suggestion that Mr. Rodemeyer had been able to address the bullying in the past. I suspect he would have withstood it this time also, but that he was in a very bad depression.

[nadinbrzezinski]

15. The bullying leads to it

just saying

[hedgehog]

17. It didn't help; that's for sure! I just want people to know that

even if the cause looks obvious in this case, depression can turn a seemingly trivial problem into a monster. In this case, a lot of people were doing the right things, but the child died anyways. His therapist must be as stunned as his parents.

[saras]

51. It's called situational depression. Do you have any evidence showing it WASN'T caused by bullying?

[hedgehog]

60. No, i have only the article in front of me. I just wanted to point out that

there are many suicides among pre-teens and teens that have nothing to do with bullying and everything to do with depression. I don't mean to excuse the bullies or blame the kid; just warn people to be aware that any depressed person is at risk. In this case, it sounds as if the adults most involved were aware of the situation but didn't realize that his ability to deal with the bullying wasn't there any more. He was healthy enough a while back to record an "it gets better" spot. Depression is a disease that can grow and wane and sneak back when you least suspect it.

Edit - what I'm saying here is that there are two problems: 1. bullying of all sorts, not just anti-gay bullying (straight girls can be vicious to other straight girls!)
and
2. Depressive illness

I think it took the one-two punch to kill this kid. It's a terrible shame it happened.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

9. Sue the Bastards!!!!!!

[Cid_B]

11. Which bastards?

The school? So that there less teachers and positive role models?

The social media sites who provided the means for "cyber bullying"? As if they should be held accountable for the opinions and statements of every user

The "cool kids" or their parents? What number is enough? Enough to send their children into destitution? homelessness?

People say "sue them" like there is just a big magic button and when you hit it justice and money come flying out.... :eyes:

[nadinbrzezinski]

13. Kids that did this can be trace routed

so what is your response? Oh yes, do nothing.

Charges of MANSLAUGHTER should be considered by the way.

[xchrom]

16. +1

[Cid_B]

20. Right...

And when some kid kills himself because his girlfriend broke up with him we should hold the girl responsible right? She should have known that would put him over the edge?

How about the gym coach who told him he was too fat to make the team?

The math teacher who didn't give the extra point that meant the difference between a scholarship and none? An emotional teenager could consider his life ruined.

I would hope that your response to the above examples is "Of course not" and you realize the absurdity and futility in trying to control people.

My response is that is literally and physically impossible to keep bad things from happening or being said and so the logical response is to teach adaptability and proper reactions instead.

[nadinbrzezinski]

21. I take it you have NO CLUE of how bullying works

I do... and you are comparing apples and zebras.

[Cid_B]

23. Yes and I do and no I'm not...

... Why is one emotional trauma criminally more severe than another? Because it was intentional?

To at least be consistent you should but the "bullying" into a higher category and leave my examples to something like negligent manslaughter.

I lived it, I did it and proved that it works.

[nadinbrzezinski]

25. Under US law intentional crosses into criminal intent

you got it... even if you do not.

[AngkorWot]

27. It doesn't even cross into crime

Calling people names on the internet =/= illegal

[nadinbrzezinski]

28. You really do not undersatnd bullying

but that's ok.

[AngkorWot]

29. You really don't understand law.

Either that or you're just being dishonest.

That's not OK.

[nadinbrzezinski]

30. I understand both

and if a person DROVE somebody to commit suicide and this can be proven in a court of law, though data gathered. as in PMs and Emails, yes a case of manslaughter should be considered.

Understanding that MANY CASES of bullying intent to hurt the victim to that point... and there is evidence of that.

But now you go on... ok...

It is nothing and we as a country will not take it seriously, which is the heart of the problem.

[LanternWaste]

37. You may or may not remember the Megan Meier case

You may or may not remember the Megan Meier case which brought cyber bullying to national attention some years back. Since then, more than 17 states have passed incarnations of the numerous laws intended to prosecute those accused of bullying others via social networking.

Megan Meier Cyberbullying Prevention Act - Amends the federal criminal code to impose criminal penalties on anyone who transmits in interstate or foreign commerce a communication intended to coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to another.

So yes, in many circumstances, it is quite illegal.

[AngkorWot]

38. I remember it.

It was a colossal joke and, IIRC, the case was tossed out of court.

[nadinbrzezinski]

46. So let me get this stright

the law passed to deal with matters like this is the joke?

Just trying to figure this out.

[Cid_B]

52. Ridiculously broad and subjective.. so yes...

"a communication intended to coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to another"

Under that definition the people talking shit on my facebook page about a Bronco's loss are cyberbullying. They are indeed communicating with the intend to cause me emotional distress because Kyle Orton can't get his shit together.

[nadinbrzezinski]

54. I see, so we should do nothing.

Just to be clear

[Cid_B]

57. You are a medical person...

...so what is the more logical solution?

a) Take a shit ton of antiseptic and an ungodly amount of flamethrowers and sterilize any area that a child may be in to prevent spread of disease ....

b) Give something to the child, in the form of immunization (i.e. earned self respect), to reach the same goal

One is realistic and one is not...

[nadinbrzezinski]

62. C) we as a society start taking this shit

seriously...

[Selatius]

87. Well, I would teach any who asked for my help that in some rare instances, violence is acceptable.

I'm not saying it's okay to respond to a bully by riding to school with guns and homemade bombs, but if physical bullying or emotional bullying is an incessant problem, eventually, there may come a time when the person may have to defend themselves from further attack, and in instances where peaceful remedies and administrative remedies are tried and fail to stop the aggressor, then in that case I wouldn't punish the person for hitting back against the bully.

[Occulus]

68. equating team fandom with behavior that gives cause to suicide

is really pretty fucking disgusting, Cid.

[Cid_B]

74. That is why the law is idiotic....

[ThomCat]

81. The law doesn't say anything at all about

a comment about your favorite team being the same as repeated bigoted slurs.

YOU are the one claiming that they are equivalent.

It is ridiculous to claim that attacking someone with slurs and personal attacks is the same as any kind of comment about how well the players on you favorite team performed.

Clearly, you have no perspective about what bullying is really all about if you think it's anything at all like a comment about some overpaid athlete's performance in yesterday's game.

Just because you don't understand bullying, or the applications of the laws, doesn't mean that the laws can't be used against bullies.

[AngkorWot]

59. Witch hunts like that are a joke, yes.

"I see, so we should do nothing."

Well, you shouldn't bully. Stupid, misguided, unconstitutional laws that censor free speech is a form of bullying, you know.

[nadinbrzezinski]

63. Bully behavior is not protected speech

Sorry.

It actually enters the realm of battery.

In a few cases assault and in a few both.

[AngkorWot]

85. Calling people mean names on the internet is protected speech.

Why is that so hard for you to admit?

[ThomCat]

84. Bullying is not free speech.

Protecting free speech should not be used as an excuse to shield and protect bullies.

Do you have any evidence at all to show that there have been any witch hunts because of this law? Even the slightest bit of evidence? Or did you just make that up?

It looks like your dogmatic objection to anything to prevents you from using slurs, because that would supposedly violates your "free speech," is the real joke. :eyes:

The 1st amendment was never intended to be absolute. You were never intended to have freedom to cause harm with your speech, and every accepted limitation upon freedom of speech is based on this.

[ZombieHorde]

55. Should beating the shit out someone be illegal?

How about accidentally bumping into someone?

We can't stop all unpleasant contact; why try to stop any?

[RKP5637]

67. Here's how some take care of it eventually!

http://www.pinkpistols.org/

[LeftishBrit]

86. Don't you see the difference...

between doing something that happens to hurt someone, and systematically setting out *repeatedly* to hurt someone?

[AngkorWot]

26. They dun goofed

The cyberpolice will get them now.

[closeupready]

24. Judgments sting. That's part of the point. Don't like it? Stop the bullying

with the authority that resides with school officials.

[The Doctor.]

33. Yes, the school. They have the cash.

I had friends from that very school. It was considered the more progressive of the triumvirate when they were there in the '80s (Wlmsvl N,E,S). South was the 'bully' school, East was the 'preppy' school, and North was the 'freak' school.

That has apparently changed.

Either way, Yes, the school should be sued. It won't break them. Amherst, NY is at the heart of the Williamsville School System. They have the cash.

Maybe all three, maybe even the whole county will get the message.

[bullwinkle428]

41. Did you attend one of the schools in the 80s?

I graduated from W. East in '82, and your comments are pretty spot-on regarding their reputations!

[The Doctor.]

58. That I did.

What was tough was going from the floor plan of the one I went to, to the standard in most colleges.

I think you know the one.

[bullwinkle428]

75. Quite familiar!

:toast:

[nadinbrzezinski]

14. Will not stop until we stop making excuses

for the shit that goes in schools.

[Papagoose]

18. His parents are close friends of one of my coworkers

She was just telling me about this when your post appeared.

No excuse for this...it's beyond heartbreaking.

[slackmaster]

19. Resistance to bullying should be taught in public schools

We teach kids about the dangers of illegal drugs, unsafe sexual practices, and poor driving skills. Many of us teach our kids how to swim. Those of us who are capable of doing so teach our kids how to defend themselves physically, and how to respond to verbal slights and put-downs.

Every child in public school deserves to be taught how to maintain their self-esteem in the face of the cruelty that many of us get subjected to. They deserve to be taught what resources are available to them when the insults get out of hand or escalate to physical violence. They deserve to be taught how to kick the living shit out of other kids who persist in bullying them and refuse to listen to reasoned pleas for respectful behavior, and to feel good about themselves after applying appropriate force when it was called for.

[Robb]

39. I probably re-read your post five times figuring out how I feel about it.

I think you're on to something, but it's about half the issue; teaching kids how to defend themselves (in all the manners you describe) without a component that might prevent the bullying in the first place might just leave a population of kids with their hackles up. A few bullies get stomped or in trouble, but there's no mechanism to prevent the next batch from cropping up.

I don't know what that other half looks like, though. Something like addressing poverty and desperation in a developing country where extremism tends to take root, versus putting troops in all the airports.

[MineralMan]

45. I'd rather create a culture in schools of intolerance of bullying.

Rather than "kick the shit out of" bullies, I'd rather the majority of students and all faculty members would step in an stop the bullying when they encounter it. I think that's a better approach, especially when peers are doing it. I've seen it work, but it takes a concerted effort from the adults who run the school and work there. Even the janitors got involved in stopping bullying at the high school I attended in the early 60s. It works.

Violence breeds more violence, I think. That said, I admit to responding to physical bullying by making the bully very uncomfortable for a while, thanks to my father's defensive training of me. There's a place for that, too, for sure. Not all kids learn how to defend against physical bullying, though.

[RKP5637]

72. All excellent points IMO!!! n/t

[RKP5637]

71. What I like in your comment is you mention all types of bullying. The bullying of

gays is tragic, but also are the other types of bullying that goes on in schools, I especially liked your comment on teaching kids how to respond to verbal slights and put-downs.

[GreenPartyVoter]

22. Devastating! Rest in Peace now, poor young Jamey.

:cry:

[Warren DeMontague]

31. Ugh.

Poor kid. Happens WAY too much, even now.

[sfpcjock]

32. Very sad. I'd like everyone who knows someone like Jamey to tell them to call...

The Trevor Project - Preventing Suicide Among LGBTQ Youth | The Trevor Project

1 866 4-U-TREVOR
(866 488-7386)


http://www.TheTrevorProject.org

Thanks!

Ehow site
http://www.ehow.com/info_7844536_gay-teen-support-groups.html

[dsc]

35. these stories break my heart

each one is a testament to our failure as a society to make gays real citizens.

[MineralMan]

36. Horror stories! Bullying is a horrible thing, and leads to horrible

consequences.

[bullwinkle428]

40. SHIT. He attended the neighboring high school in the district

that I graduated from in 1982. This school is just a mile or so from the house I grew up in, and where my Mom still lives.

:cry: :grouphug:

K&R.

[devilgrrl]

83. Did you go to East?

We lived in the same vicinity.

[City Lights]

43. RIP, Jamey.

:cry:

[Vogon_Glory]

61. Rest in Peace, Jamey.

Rest in peace, Jamey. You didn't deserve that (phht) and you didn't deserve the brush-offs you got from indifferent and callous school administrators.

As for the perpetrators, I hope they get to spend many, many sleepless nights with their consciences chewing on their sleep like a pack of Rottweilers.

[blueamy66]

64. My cousins went to the same HS and

have written on FB that they are ashamed.

What a waste.....

[pinboy3niner]

65. CNN covering right now on AC/360

It's the top segment, 'Bullying in America.' This show repeats, and video will be available later at CNN.com.

[bluestateguy]

69. I'm sure the bueaucrat shit for brains school administrators are already lawyering up

nt

[nadinbrzezinski]

70. Here

http://nadinbrzezinski.posterous.com/another-day-another-dead-kid

My real heart felt things are not fit for here... anymore.

[lonestarnot]

78. I'm sorry you let them get to you nadinbrzezinski. I missed all the scrapping or whatever caused

you to feel that way. :hug:

[LeftishBrit]

79. Tragic. RIP.

[flvegan]

80. I leave you with four words: " Jamey Rodemeyer needed help"

And he said this, "I always say how bullied I am, but no one listens," he wrote Sept. 9. "What do I have to do so people will listen to me?"

I've got an answer, but it's not a popular one. Anyone else?

[devilgrrl]

82. I went to that High School!!!!

H-A-T-E-D it!

Got bullied incessantly for different reasons.

My heart goes out his family and friends.

:-(

[Behind the Aegis]

88. This is profoundly sad.

I remember what those years were like. There isn't enough money in the world to have go through them again. When the videos first started coming out, I supported them, and, to some point, still do. But, does it really "get better?" Look at the recent events and how GLBT posters on DU have been treated. Is that not bullying? Sure, no one is calling us "fags and dykes," but is that what people really think bullying is all about?