Historians Politely Remind Nation To Check What's Happened In Past Before Making Any Big Decisions

[ashling]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/historians-politely-remind-nation-to-check-whats-h,26183/

WASHINGTON—With the United States facing a daunting array of problems at home and abroad, leading historians courteously reminded the nation Thursday that when making tough choices, it never hurts to stop a moment, take a look at similar situations from the past, and then think about whether the decisions people made back then were good or bad.

According to the historians, by looking at things that have already happened, Americans can learn a lot about which actions made things better versus which actions made things worse, and can then plan their own actions accordingly.

"In the coming weeks and months, people will have to make some really important decisions about some really important issues," Columbia University historian Douglas R. Collins said during a press conference, speaking very slowly and clearly so the nation could follow his words. "And one thing we can do, before making a choice that has permanent consequences for our entire civilization, is check real quick first to see if human beings have ever done anything like it previously, and see if turned out to be a good idea or not."

"It's actually pretty simple: We just have to ask ourselves if people doing the same thing in the past caused something bad to happen," Collins continued. "Did the thing we're thinking of doing make people upset? Did it start a war? If it did, then we might want to think about not doing it."

[saras]

1. What a depressing world - where that has to be an Onion article.

[LuckyLib]

2. Ah, yes. Vietnam. For example.

[ThoughtCriminal]

3. Ever talk about history with a Republican?

You get a view of weird and implausible alternate histories where:

The Earth and the Universe are about 6000 years old. There is no History before that.
There were no Terrorist attacks during the Bush Administration.
Slavery wasn't that bad.
The Great Depression started in 1932.
Germany did not declare war on the United States.
Unemployment was lower in 2008 than it was in 2000.
Deficits only happen (or matter) when a Democrat is in the White House.
Sarah Palin is really smart and cares about other people.
Martin Luther King was a Republican Conservative or a Leftist Communist depending on who's asking.
The "Founding Fathers" were all Fundamentalist Christians.