Woman Wants to Marry a Corporation

[The Straight Story]

Woman Wants to Marry a Corporation

Tags: law, rights, corporations, Supreme Court, Citizens United, politics, Keith Goetzman

The U.S. Supreme Court decided in the widely condemned Citizens United case that corporations enjoy the legal status of people—so a Florida woman is seeking the hand of a corporation in legal marriage.

Sarah “Echo” Steiner of Lake Worth, Florida, will hold a press conference on Saturday, January 22, to announce her search for a suitable corporate spouse, reports the Undernews blog of Sam Smith’s Progressive Review, citing a Facebook press release put out by Steiner.

Citizens United specifically recognized corporate personhood when it comes to political donations, but a host of observers worry that corporate rights are going to continue to creep into realms previously reserved for humans.

Steiner tells the Broward-Palm Beach New Times, which savvily points out that “the effort is something of a political stunt,” that she wants to draw attention to the one-year anniversary of Citizens United. She is a Green Party member who’s active in party politics—and of course, she’s single.

Read more: http://www.utne.com/Politics/Woman-Wants-to-Marry-a-Corporation.aspx#ixzz1BDQk2yxa

[steve2470]

1. ok that's just ingenious

I'm sure the RW will promptly "diagnose" her insane.

[Cetacea]

22. lol n/t

[aggiesal]

93. I've always said, ...

That to highlight the absurdity of this law, we need
a corporation to run from any national public office,
like a Senator or House Rep.

Then once elected send a different person to represent the
corporation every week.

I still think this is a very good way making the nation
sit up and notice.

[seabeyond]

2. corporation would not be allowed to testify against you. marriage tax breaks?

kids from marriage?

[Jackpine Radical]

7. CEO=

Copulating Executive Officer?

[bobbolink]

41. Bad, bad boy.

:rofl:

[liberal N proud]

89. rofl

:rofl:

[Sabriel]

3. If she married Sallie Mae or Liz Claiborne, Inc., is that a same-sex union?

In that case, she's SOL.

[DenverDad]

19. . . .

:rofl:

[stevedeshazer]

20. +1

Now that's funny.

[SpiralHawk]

4. "She mocketh our Borg. Crush her." - RepubliCorp & Cronies

[xchrom]

5. i think she's on to something.

love it.

[FreakinDJ]

6. I clicked "I'm Attending" on Facebook

[AnneD]

74. Where is she registered....

and what gift would you give a corporation. Perhaps a gallon of sweat or your last pint of blood. I know, a nice dead peasant insurance policy. I like her style. :thumbsup:

[somone]

8. Don't forget a good prenup

[drm604]

9. So if two people of the same sex each form a corporation

could those two corporations then marry?

If I can convince a bunch of women to form a corporation, can I have a harem?

[Ikonoklast]

84. That would be called a "Conglomerate".

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

94. Great... now we have to add another letter... GLBTC

[LiberalEsto]

10. How will the corporation get a blood test?

Just asking.

[Exilednight]

33. Blood tests are no longer required. n/t

[TheEuclideanOne]

62. If they could, the blood that would come out is

that of the middle class

[unblock]

75. corporations suck plenty of blood from emplyees, suppliers, minority shareholders,

people unfortunate enough to live downstream,....

[Poll_Blind]

11. I'm interested to see how this goes. I think there's a more serious side to this which is...

...just how much of a person are corporations?

Very interesting- at least if it's anything more than tongue in cheek.

PB

[bluerum]

14. Exactly. Are they 3/5's like slaves were? Or are they (more likely) 7/5's. Are they male or female?

Can they vote and have a drivers license?

[border_town]

39. As funny as this is

Your questions about gender and are they a whole person are valid. I cannot believe this was thought of during the ruling and hasn't been brought up before.

[Occulus]

81. Courts haven't ever seriously addressed this issue

although I do recall hearing or reading once that the SCOTUS evaluated the doctrine in the 1970s and concluded that, were they to resolve the question honestly, our economy would collapse entirely, so they never issued a ruling on the subject one way or the other.

That story may be apocryphal, though.

This is a very interesting way to force consideration of the question, isn't it? I hope it's a serious attempt, because we need a clear answer on this one way or the other.

[FirstLight]

68. welll, we *know* they already VOTE!

right?

[AlbertCat]

69. Can they vote and have a drivers license?

Do they get counted in the census? That does make a difference in representation in the House, y'know.

[bluerum]

12. Are corporations gendered?

[Canuckistanian]

13. Oh, yes.

Corporations have dicks.

[bluerum]

15. Well they have assholes too.

[barbtries]

24. wrong

corporations ARE dicks.

[jmowreader]

64. Are you sure?

I thought corporations WERE dicks.

[DCKit]

16. Isn't this exactly the slippery slope the Fundies were warning us about?

Man on dog, dogs and cats, pedophilia, now corporations.

The Supremes have a lot to answer for.

[Initech]

23. Man shall not lay down with Verizon Wireless, for it is an abomination.

[Exilednight]

34. That's only until they upgarde to 5G networks. n/t

[Initech]

44. If she switches phone providers, is that cheating?

:rofl:

[Exilednight]

47. She could always get a dicorce, but then she has

to make the decision if she wants to switch numbers, or keep her old providers.

[Initech]

48. Could the Sprint $69 plan actually be a 69?

:evilgrin:

[AlbertCat]

70. She could always get a dicorce

Then she's entitled to 1/2 of what the Corporation owns.


I think I'll marry a corporation! Then divorce it.

[BlueIris]

92. Next up: Man on box turtle.

Special points to anyone who can still identify that reference.

[Angry Dragon]

17. In a hostile takeover would that be something like r@pe??

[ThomThom]

90. and if a corporation owns another corporation or company is that not slavery

:9

[silverlib]

18. No problem with consummation ...

we've all been screwed by corporations, just without the marriage certificate. Wait, isn't that a sin?

[petronius]

26. Corporations are fucking all of us for free; why would a corp want to settle down

with just one person? :shrug:

:)

[AC_Mem]

21. So if they end up divorcing...

She and her CorpoHubby, does she get half the company? If the company creates other companies, does she get custody and corporate support?

This is fun!

Annette

[JBoy]

25. Go forth and create many subsidiaries.

[PurityOfEssence]

27. That's ONE way to guarantee getting fucked regularly...

Now THAT'S a gal with a plan.

[nilram]

36. LOL

good one. A friend used to say of his corporate experience, "It seems I'm getting fucked more, but enjoying it less."

[Jester Messiah]

99. Yeah, but I hope she's not expecting fidelity.

Corporations fuck -everybody-.

[cascadiance]

28. If she gets this marriage, then another one will try the same corporation...

... from Utah, for the Mormons to see if they can get case history to legalize polygamy... Then we'll have an interesting battle!

[comtec]

58. I can think of two 'friends' of mine who would welcome that

Of course I admit to being of the "greedy" sexuality ;)
I love both these people dearly, and would love to be bound to them both.

i do wonder how this will affect the SC argument of corporate personhood tho on a more serious note...

[bluesmail]

29. If you can't beat 'em join them'.

[pitchforksandtorches]

30. Will the Board of Directors be able to ah..um. direct her? nt

[sunnystarr]

88. Maybe they're the in-laws ... just sayin ... (nt)

[davidwparker]

31. Funny n/t

[Urban Prairie]

32. I now pronounce you Incorporated Personhood & Wife

"It" may now kiss its bride...

Somehow?

[yellerpup]

35. I know of a very nice abandoned corporation

that would love meeting her with marriage in mind. Especially if she has a good job.

[B Calm]

37. The only political stunt here is the Supreme Court "Citizens United" decision

[Swamp Rat]

38. Thank Jesus of Latter Day Saints!!! ... Become a Polygamist!!!

:think: ........... :bounce: We're in the money! :bounce: We're in the money!! :bounce:

[lonestarnot]

43. Everyone will start looking alike after a period.

:P

[skepticscott]

40. More baloney

spewed by ignorant people about CU and the Constitution. The Supreme Court didn't decide anything remotely like "corporations enjoy the legal status of people". They decided that Congress cannot restrict political speech, and that it was doing effectively that by restricting spending on political messages. The First Amendment right to free speech is not restricted to individuals in the first place, so corporate personhood is not even necessary to enforce the free speech clause.

[AlbertCat]

72. Speaking of "spewed by ignorant people about CU and the Constitution."

Where does it say in the 1st amendment that Congress can make no laws about the COST of free speech?

( see, one can play silly word games all night long, ignoring reality)

[skepticscott]

83. You're making a fool of yourself with that post

if you'd like me to make an even bigger fool of you by explaining in detail why your statement is ridiculous, just say the word and I will. I've done the same for lots of others.

[annabanana]

85. You are devoid of a sense of whimsy. . . .n/t

[indimuse]

42. Bravo!

lol!

[lobodons]

45. Alito could marry them

If he is not going to the SOTU this year he will have some free time.

[Hugabear]

46. Corporations have been fucking us for years, might as well have the right to marry them

n/t

[Initech]

49. Can I marry Goldman Sachs, then?

[Hugabear]

50. Sure, if I can marry Chase

This could get to be fun :)

[Initech]

51. Fair trade!

:popcorn:

[Ghost in the Machine]

54. Just keep yer dirty mitts off of Victoria's Secrets.. she's mine!

Mine, I say! Mine!!!

[Initech]

61. You can have Victoria's Secret, I want Flynt Publishing!

[LastLiberal in PalmSprings]

52. Just as long as she and the corporation aren't gay it'll be o.k.

Of course, how do you tell the sex of a corporation?

[tomm2thumbs]

53. reminds me of the Kids in the Hall sketch on Businessmen *video link*

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7j1nHdURKgE

[BigAnth]

55. I love that skit. "I'm just starting out" "Well that's a great way to break in"

[tomm2thumbs]

103. heh heh heh 'THAT is a merger... '

it's so true how folks 'play business' like that in real life

[MiddleFingerMom]

56. Don't Ask, Don't Publish an Annual Prospectus. n/t

[Little Star]

57. Good for her drawing attention to Citizens United. k&r

[Iggo]

59. Two words: Community Property. (n/t)

[man4allcats]

60. This might give a whole new meaning to

"I got fucked by AT&T, Prudential, Bank of America ... (name your corporate spouse)."

[Striker Davies]

63. If a corporation can be a spouse...

Why not a POTUS?

President Halliburton? Well, that's what we had for eight years.

[Historic NY]

65. Couldn't she incorporate as Sarah Echo Stiener Enterprises Inc.?

she could always change her name to reflect said Inc. I still think we should petition the IRS to change the tax rate so they (unmarried corporate persons) are consided single and must pay that rate. .

[TatonkaJames]

66. Isn't there a legal precedent low concerning tax rates ?

If a corporation is a person then they are subject to the same tax rate as you and I ?
Sounds like we might have a case her ?

[defendandprotect]

67. She should first ask for the parents' consent .... !!

[DeSwiss]

71. Whatever corporation she finds....

...it will demand a pre-nup. Of that we can be sure.

- And I hope she doesn't mind sleeping in a bed full of lawyers.....

K&R

[Recursion]

73. Corporate "personhood" started out as a progressive idea

Because it let corporations be respondents in a lawsuit.

Nobody, ever, has said "corporations are people". Not even Scalia.

[valerief]

76. As long as she marries a MAN corporation, the RW won't mind. nt

[MrMickeysMom]

77. "political stunt", my ass...

I want to see this thing progress to its full intent.

Consummate during the honeymoon and franchise, too.

[bertman]

78. SWEET!!!! Rec. nt

[Festivito]

79. Have the corporation obtain a dba as Man Co.

Thnn it will be a marriage between a man and a woman.

[Turborama]

80. How about she does a spoof of the "Bachelorette" TV show and has 14 corporations as 'suiters'?

I'm not sure how it would be formatted, but we could brainstorm to flesh the concept out...

[Le Taz Hot]

82. Oh, brava!

:applause:

[NobleCynic]

86. She should try to force a common law marriage

Between herself and a corporation she has been working for at 7 years. Take half the assets, what not. If you wanna make a point, why not go overboard?

[quaker bill]

87. In Fl

marriage is restricted to a "man and a woman", so somehow the corporation would have to be a "man". I don't think we have figured out how to assign gender to corporate entities. This might require some creativity.

[loudsue]

91. This should be brought, but NOT in Florida.

It is high time that people in smart states across the country start bringing similar lawsuits, and there needs to be a constitutional amendment to stop corps from being "people" under the law.

[JackintheGreen]

95. How would this interact with DOMA? n/t

[jeanmarc]

96. Maybe we can nominate Corporations for Presidential ballots

I for one would like to nominate Kraft Foods:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kraft_Foods

They were born in the United States, and they are of age and finally I enjoy cheesefood and msg.

The ultimate joke would be seeing Kraft Foods on the ballot for President. This way, we don't have to send our voter registration cards in bulk to the Supremes. They can view the same ballot themselves.

[WinkyDink]

97. I want to marry Apple!

[MrMickeysMom]

100. You'll have to ask Gweneth Paltrow first...

(I know, it's lame, and probably misspelled, too)

[WinkyDink]

101. Yeah, I thought of this too late!

[JawJaw]

98. Good Luck to the Happy Couple

Haven't seen the wedding list yet, but I'm guessing they'll be thrilled with a Bisley filing cabinet, or nice set of highlighting pens..

[Lucian]

102. Ooooh, I like this.

I wonder how the courts are going to react to this. After all, she's got a point, corporations are considered legal persons.