OK, I NEVER post these , but I want to answer this conservative spam

[Capn Sunshine]

I got this in a forwarded a bazillion times email from my daughter, of all people:
It's total horseshit, but how specifically would you reply? I want to reply all so it needs to be civil. I swear, conservatives think this does some good.....

I've got my ideas, lets hear yours:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended."

Well, I forwarded it to you.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:barf:

[proud2BlibKansan]

1. When America is attacked, conservatives give up their rights

Liberals fight to preserve them

[pipoman]

16. Agreed...well all but one right that is...

[Capn Sunshine]

23. Excellent

and so true.

[Mz Pip]

2. This is just filled with

generalities based on right wing opinions and talking points. There are no "facts" to debunk.

Reality is not opinion based and that is all any of these are - opinions.

[Angry Dragon]

3. Their own little world

If a conservative doesn't like abortion then they want to force this belief on everyone

[eleny]

5. +1!

[Capn Sunshine]

24. +++

Good talking point

[murray hill farm]

4. If a conservative...

is ignorant, uninformed and unaware he writes petty dribble like this.
A liberal will wonder how anyone could be so ignorant, uninformed, unaware and petty.

[Mz Pip]

7. Snap!

Terrific response.

[Capn Sunshine]

25. looking good

hadn't thought of these points.

[Warren DeMontague]

6. If a liberal doesn't like birth control, he or she doesn't use it.

A conservative wants to outlaw it.

[mr_liberal]

8. I agree with conservativies on guns, but

I don't know of any liberal that wants all of them banned. Too many want handguns banned though, and too many don't believe in the 2nd Amend.

I know of no liberal that wants meat banned, unless it woudl be the very fringe animal rights people.

Many conservatives want homosexuality outlawed. It took a liberal supreme court decision (Lawrence vs Texas) to say the gov't cannot ban gay sex.

I have to agree with the 5th one to an extent. Many on the left have called for gov't control of talk radio, but not to the extent of wanting it shut down.

Liberals do not want religion silenced, they want it kept out of gov't for the good of gov't and of religion.

[MindPilot]

9. Conservatives must see everything in black & white.

Liberals are comfortable with nuance and shades of gray.

[SmileyRose]

10. I got that swill from my sister in law quite some time ago - here's my reply all

I replied all with the following


Hi (sister in law)

Thanks for forwarding this to me. Kinda hard to tell if the author of this thing is really this ignorant or if their goal was to write a piece so ignorant that it makes the people who mindlessly FWD FWD FWD look silly. But thanks for the laugh. I'll forward this to all my liberal friends so they can enjoy the comedy as well.

Hope you, (my brother) and (their kids) are looking forward to (upcoming holiday) in (city where they plan to vacation for a long weekend). We will see you there on (the day we arrive).

All my Love
SmileyRose




edit to correct typo

[ThatPoetGuy]

11. Off the top of my head...

If there's a problem in America, a liberal tries to fix it. A conservative ignores the problem -- and calls the liberal unpatriotic for trying to fix America's problems.

If a woman wants to make her own choices, a liberal won't stop her. A conservative will try to pass laws removing her rights.

If bridges are collapsing and cities are being flooded, a liberal asks, "How can we help?" A conservative complains his taxes are too high -- unless he was on the bridge that collapsed, in which case he whines that the government didn't spend his taxes wisely enough.

If a liberal is rich, it's because he earned it. If a conservative is rich, it's because he inherited it. This is why we stand on different sides of the Estate Tax.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he asks his uncle for another million-dollar loan. If a liberal is down-and-out, he works his way back up.

If a liberal sees a black doctor, he sees a doctor. A conservative sees an affirmative action case.

If a conservative doesn't like the truth, he turns on Fox News and smiles.

If one talk-show host says "liberals should be hunted down and murdered, their children should be tortured to death," and another responds, "you've gone too far," a conservative viewer will say they both engaged in heated rhetoric.

If a liberal is a believer, he goes to church. If a conservative is a believer, he condemns anyone who doesn't go to church. And he condemns liberals who go to church too.

If a liberal is rich, he doesn't complain that his taxes are too high, because he's a patriot and he knows his taxes make America a better place. If a conservative is rich, he whines all day about taxes, because he isn't a patriot.

[DanTex]

12. Thoughts

Straight liberals think gay couples should be given all the same rights as straight couples
Straight conservatives think only straight people should be allowed to marry

Wealthy liberals think all people deserve access to health care and a decent standard of living
Wealthy conservatives think only wealthy people deserve a decent life

Christian liberals believe that all religious beliefs should be respected equally
Christian conservatives believe Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, atheists should be treated with suspicion

Liberal men believe that a woman should decide what to do with her body
Conservative men believe that they should get to decide whether a woman can get an abortion

Liberals are empathetic
Conservatives are angry

Liberals appreciate subtlety and nuance
Conservatives listen to Rush Limbaugh

[Mz Pip]

13. From the Onion -

Stereotypes are a real time-saver.

[Caretha]

14. Your daughter sent you this?

here's your response....

Dear Daughter,

Your Mother & I love you dearly, and honestly in our hearts we thought we had taught you to think for yourself. We had hoped we had taught you that you should love your neighbor and to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Your Mother and I are fervently hoping that the email you have sent us is a joke, and not something that you really take to heart. We also hope that you strive to be better than this in the way that you conduct your life, and that mean spirited, black and white thinking and judging others is not something you practice in your day to day life as you travel your journey.

Please think carefully on what you have posted to us, and allow us to be proud of you and the way you conduct your life.

Your loving parents,

[Doremus]

19. +1 nt

[spanone]

15. i wouldn't waste my time. you'll convince them of nothing.

[nadinbrzezinski]

17. You know it is not easy

It is a religion

[annabanana]

18. humph

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he gets one anyway, because this crazy neighbor might have one.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he's just as obnoxious about it as anyone else

If a conservative is homosexual, he lives in fear of discovery and ostracization by his church.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he blames people worse off than himself.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he demands waterboarding.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he sure as hell doesn't tell anyone.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he can ALWAYS afford it. If he can't afford it, he becomes a liberal and demands sanity and a National Health Plan.

[treestar]

20. My responses

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

This could be said of abortion in reverse.


If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

This is simply untrue.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

The homosexual has not had equal rights. This one incorrectly assumes each group has been treated equally all along.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If others are down and out, liberals want a way to help them. Conservatives want an excuse not to do anything, so they start throwing mud at the down and out.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

This could easily go both ways.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a liberal is a believer, he goes to church, not expecting the government to adopt his religion.
If a conservative is a believer, he wants the government to confirm his religion by celebrating it at government functions.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

A liberal wants everyone to have health care. A conservative will let sick people die because they can’t afford it.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended."

That can easily go both ways.

[Atticus]

21. If the facts don't support a liberal's opinion, he'll reconsider.

If the facts don't support a conservative's opinion, he'll concoct horseshit emails because it allows him to create his own world according to his own warped rules.

[calimary]

34. Love it! +1!

[Hippo_Tron]

22. If a liberal doesn't like gay marriage, he doesn't get one and keeps his mouth shut

If a conservative doesn't like gay marriage, he demands it be outlawed.

If a liberal has health care, he suggests that other people be allowed to get it as well.

If a conservative has health care, he screams socialism when somebody wants others to get health care, but by god keep your government
hands off my Medicare.

I could go on all day with these silly anecdotes.

[Crunchy Frog]

26. Because whenever a conservative gets sick and can't afford healthcare

he just exercizes his 2nd Ammendment rights and blows his brains out like any self respecting American would. No conservative would ever stoop to taking a gub'mint handout on healthcare (except for the myriads of them that I've been a Health Aide to).

[Capn Sunshine]

27. Thanks everyone who responded

I tend to agree with the don't bother approach. :) You can't change a conservative's mind, its why they are conservative.
And Daughter gets it from my mother, who was the black sheep in a family with five generations of government service and work for the Democratic Party dating back to the founding of the party. Somehow she went off the rails and was a Reagan Republican.

[fadedrose]

29. I want you to read reply #28 and see

if you can get a few brighter than me people to finish and correct the wrong liberal positions and let us know what you come up with...

Thanks

[fadedrose]

28. They took the liberty of saying what liberals would do...

and in all cases they are wrong. Before you can make an honest response you must show the correct response.

For instance:
...a liberal wants all guns outlawed...FALSE
...a liberal wants guns registered and backgrounds investigated to assure that no terrorists, mentally ill, or untrained persons can own guns. Liberals oown guns and love guns and would not ever outlaw guns.

Get the idea??...after this is done, and all the "FALSE" notations are made, then

POINT OUT HOW LITTLE CONSERVATIVES UNDERSTAND LIBERALS AND SHOULD NOT SPEAK FOR THEM

[LearnedHand]

30. WHICH conservative? WHICH liberal?

The very premise is so majorly fucked up that it's not even worth it to conjure up some reply, much less to craft a witty rejoinder. I only WISH I knew some conservatives as reasonable as "this conservative" sounds. I mean, really.

[fadedrose]

31. These conservative morons listed false beliefs for the liberals..

The false beliefs must first be corrected before any rejoinders could be crafted.....

[ChaoticSilly]

32. a few replies

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
I wouldn't say quietly *cough* Ted Haggard *cough*

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
Which somehow usually involves violence against liberals on the advice of Beck, Palin and Limbaugh

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Or sets up a group like the Parents TV Council. This single conservative group is responsible for 99% of complaints to the FCC about programming.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
It doesn't help that conservatives like Bush I thinks atheists should be stripped of citizenship or Fred Phelps blaming atheists for every natural disaster worse than a stubbed toe.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
And when the insurance is too expensive or he can't find a job that provides it he goes to the emergency room where the bill is passed on to the rest of us anyway due to the lack of universal care.


Oh, one more thing, when a liberal is worried about the state of the country he seeks to change public opinion through education and facts.
A conservative spreads false information through ridiculous chain emails.

[leftynyc]

33. Tell him to name names

WHO wants all meat products banned? WHO wants to shut down the right wing gasbags? This is just bullshit generalizations of how the "far left" is conceived and I'm sure anyone here who is bored and with time could come up with the same kind of list for the right.