Non-drinkers: Do you feel uncomfortable around alcohol drinkers?

[Manifestor_of_Light]

I have a glass of champagne on New Years Eve, and broke out the good stuff (Piper-Heidsieck) when Obama was elected in 2008. Took it a bar where the local Democrats were gathered.


I live in a very conservative place that only went wet about three years ago.

When I have had people working on my house, and I had a glass of juice, standing out in the yard, and I would say I was drinking my tea or whatever, and the man said "No Jack Daniels?" and I said "I don't drink. I don't like the stuff."

Another man who was on my property saw me in the yard with a glass of milk and said, "Is that a pina colada?".

I don't have a problem with other people drinking alcohol. I have had people make jokes about alcohol several times. I get tired of saying, "I don't drink. I don't like the stuff." It's starting to irritate me.

:shrug:


On edit: Allegedly these people were all sober when they said these things. :shrug: I was not hanging out with them at a bar or restaurant, at a social occasion. The guy who asked about my milk was at an Easter party I was having in my yard.

:shrug:

[Rabblevox]

1. Quit being so defensive. The only people who care if you drink or not are baptists and alcoholics..

No one else truly gives a shit. Honestly don't see the reason for the irritation.

[ingac70]

10. +1

[WCGreen]

36. I'm an alcoholic and it's not up to me to judge other people....

I have enough on my hands staying sober.

It's been 25 years or so. Almost everyone I know drinks and can hold it. It just gets boring when I am the only person in the room that isn't tanked...

[Major Hogwash]

60. Or bartenders.

Try to play a game of pool in a bar sometime when you aren't drinking and see if they don't notice.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

65. Alcoholics don't care

if someone drinks. Alcoholics care if someone can't STOP drinking. That's alcoholics in recovery I mean........... :bounce:

[Mojambo]

2. Not sure there's anything you can do about it other than continue to be annoyed. n/t

[Fumesucker]

3. Being sober around a bunch of drunks is not much fun..

Not only does alcohol kill brain cells it paralyzes the shit out of them before they die.

[NYC_SKP]

4. I've had that problem. My solution over time:

Spending less and less time with people like that.

My life has improved dramatically as a result.

:thumbsup:

[Hamlette]

38. that doesn't bother me but frankly, drinking ppl are not that interesting

I gave up drinking 30 years ago. I've noticed the conversations are not nearly as entertaining with me sober. I thought we were much more clever when I drank :)

[MADem]

5. I am not a non-drinker but I don't do a lot of drinking, as I don't have occasion to go to many

parties, and I haven't been in a bar in centuries.

I don't like being around people who are plowed, though.

When people ask you if that's a pina colada, say sure, whatever. If they wonder what's in your water glass, tell 'em it's vodka and chug it. Or don't.

Worry less about what other people say or do. You're not going to change them, and if you don't care to change, that's your prerogative.

No one can make you feel bad unless you give them permission.

[virgogal]

6. Absolutely not. I haven't had a drink in 30 years. Just laugh off the idiotic

comments.

[murielm99]

7. I don't drink, either.

So far, I haven't been irritated by telling people that I just don't like the stuff.

I can see where it might bother you, if people give you a hard enough time. I haven't had anyone do that to me. Maybe I have just been lucky.

I am sorry that people are making you feel pressure about this. It is not right.

[shraby]

8. I just ask them why should I pay for something that's going

to make me sick?

[Speck Tater]

9. One you start explaining yourself and justifying your choices you've given them control.

There's no reason why you should have to justify your choices to anyone else. I think when we are little kids we get in the habit of having to answer questions like "why did you do that?" But once we're all growed up we no longer have to justify our every choice.

If someone says "No Jack Daniels?" Just say "Nope". You don't owe them an explanation as to why, so don't volunteer one. "Is that a piña colada?" "Nope." "Would you like a beer?" "Nope."

[BlueIris]

17. Interesting point.

I'm trying to get out of the habit of giving out extraneous information, mostly because it validates the assumptions made by people asking for it that they're entitled to input about my choices. This usually includes questions about whether I drink or why I don't ("Because I don't") is my standard response. Sometimes, though, I do mention that I'm not drinking because I don't drink because I don't like alcohol. I don't feel ashamed of this, so I don't think I should feel the need to refrain from explanation in all cases.

[Major Hogwash]

59. That's just not true, and let me explain why.

Not gonna dooit.
Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture.


:rofl:

[BlueJazz]

11. Alcohol seems to bring out the inner-self of most people. I generally don't like to..

..be around drinkers cause there's a 50/50 chance you'll be around loud, noisy assholes.

[Historic NY]

12. some drunks yes....I like to drink sometimes......I like fine liquor & expensive micro brewed beer.

I don't drink that often but I like having the choice. I wouldn't worry most drinkers want company thats probably why they ask.

[Donnachaidh]

13. It's surprizing how much alcohol becomes the topic of choice for so many

We're a family of non-drinkers, after having several family members go thru rehab. I don't have much problems with people making references like your *pina colada* person, because quite frankly anyone who says that to me I pretty much assume the possibility of a drinking obsession on their part - and either change the subject or go do something else. Talking about drinking is boring to me.

My teenaged son is having a harder time of it. But his health problems pretty much make drinking and drugging something he needs to avoid, and he's been great about letting his friends know he does NOT drink.

[Walk away]

14. I rarely drink but it doesn't bother me at all if someone asks if I am.

Who cares. I usually explain that I would rather cook with it than drink it. Other people drinking around me? As long as they can hold their liqueur.

[BlueIris]

15. I tend to avoid socializing with them.

I really cannot stand the taste or the smell of that stuff anymore, except maybe in homeopathy. So I guess I haven't thought about whether it makes me uncomfortable, because I generally avoid alcohol drinkers like the plague.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

18. I wasn't socializing -- they were at my house for business.

I'm still baffled. Why do these people bring up alcohol, and they don't even know me? I just wonder why other people bring it up often.


:shrug:

[BlueIris]

21. I think the people bugging you about it have poor boundaries. And high entitlement mentality.

A sense of entitlement to judge what other people do (or don't do) in this case.

Sadly, a great many folks in our addictive society are obsessed with alcohol, and continuing to normalize the idea that every body walks around drinking all the time, getting intoxicated often, developing alcohol dependency and preteding like these behaviors are a good thing. Which is another reason people are obsessed with those of us who abstain, or just cannot stand that crap. It makes them more aware of their own dysfunction.

[Spider Jerusalem]

16. I feel uncomfortable around drunks

I'm not, strictly speaking, a "non-drinker", but I drink rarely (maybe once a month, or less). "Sorry, I don't really drink" seems to cover it in such situations (although I notice how much other people seem to drink, too; I've been in a grocery store on a Friday evening and been the only person at the checkout who WASN'T buying booze, for instance).

[iris27]

19. Not really, unless they are really obnoxious drunks, but I dislike really obnoxious people anyway.

Most people are fine with my virgin Cuba Libre (i.e. just Coke). Or they tend to assume I'm the DD.

If they get really inquisitive, I tell them the truth - I have a genetically high tolerance for alcohol and an oversensitivity to bitter tastes. I don't like coffee or even dark chocolate. So even the tiniest bit of alcohol in the most watered-down drink makes it unpalatable to me. That means there is zero point to any "light" drinking, like a beer at a BBQ, or wine tastings with a fancy meal.

And given my tolerance level, if I want to actually get drunk, I have to drink a ridiculous quantity of terrible-tasting liquid. Yuck. I've managed it once or twice, but mostly, I'm just not interested.

[applegrove]

20. Doesn't bother me at all.

[Iggo]

22. Sometimes.

There's a weird thing that happens sometimes when I'm invited to an event that's primarily a drinking event, and I decline. They say pretty much word-for-word, "Oh, you don't have to drink," like that's what I'm worried about. They think I'm afraid I'm going to drink. They're wrong. I know I'm not going to drink. I haven't had a drink in fifteen years. Haven't wanted one in fourten-and-a-half. What I'm afraid of is that I might have to kick one of my drunk friends' asses.

See it's not really drinkers that make me nervous. It's drunks.

[Alameda]

23. Yes, I don't drink and never did, but I find those who do get very

defensive around those who don't drink. I don't like the smell, or taste of it, and I hate the way people act when they have had a few drinks. The lack of coordination and sloppy behavior are unattractive IMHO.

I've seen too much of it as I used to work in clubs where there was a lot of drinking, I have had so many offers for free drinks that were almost forced on me, that I've gotten so I really hate it. It would be nice if people could just drink their drinks and not worry about what is in my glass, but it doesn't seem to be that way.

When one is a none drinker they get a different perspective of our alcoholic society.

[robdogbucky]

47. I quit drinking 36 years ago

I was tending bar when I did. I had to quit, I have an addictive personality (ADD) and I'm Irish, and I had lots of big Irish drinkers in my family. I grew up in a culture that worships drinking as a necessary part of life, and at every social function. When I quit and was pouring drinks, people often tell the bartender to buy one for themselves and leave a big tip.

I started to notice if I said I don't drink anymore, they did not appear to trust me for some reason. If I added something like I have a bad liver and drinking will kill me, they seemed to sympathize like I was missing out on something. I just started to respond that I could not drink on the job, that I would have it when I was off. That seemed to mollify wihtout raising suspicion. Being sober around a bunch of drunk people is like being a psychiatrist in a room of hypnotized patients. They say all kinds of unconscious truths that would never come out when they were sober. That was the scary part for me, to know that the Jekyl/Hyde thing was big in my own personality and that I had been like that on many an occasion myself.

I chose to not drink because a very good friend, pilot and skydiver, and a teatotaller himself, made a bet that if I could stop drinking for two weeks, that he would prove to me that I was in trouble with it, and that he would pay for my skydiving training and my first jump. Well, that appealed to my ego and my curiosity. He was very astute psychologically at the time and I took him up on that bet. I did not drink and he proved to me how much one ounce of booze affected me, my motor control, my perceptions, my inhibitions. I took that training and became a skydiver and never took another drink again. That was in 1975. I tended bar for several years after that while in school and beyond until trading in service jobs for a career.

Not to sound messianic or anything, but that simple thing, quitting drinking, changed my life forever and for the good. I would be dead now, like so many others back home that were trapped into that culture and thought there was nothing else and could not stop drinking, to their ultimate detriment. Most of them were dead before their time. One of them had a bad liver from drinking, had to stop, got a new liver transplanted, and then proceeded to drink himself to death with the new liver.

Now, can you believe how strong a hold alcohol can have on a person? Can you now understand why drunks are suspicious of non-drinkers?



rdb

[Odin2005]

24. I only drink once in a great while, and even then I refuse to get very drunk.

I like wine, good beer, or a mixed drink once in a while, but drinking a lot of cheap booze just to get hammered? I don't get the point.

[Edweird]

25. I'm not a 'non-drinker', but I don't drink beer and I don't drink on work nights.

The guys I work with drink beer every day after work and usually don't 'get it' at first, but usually respect it once I explain it to them. The only people that bother me are the obnoxious over drinkers that would annoy me under any circumstances....

[nobodyspecial]

26. To me, it's like being a vegetarian.

Even if you just make the choice that's right for you, those who eat meat -- or drink -- think that your choice means you are somehow judging or condemning them and they get weirdly defensive.

I would just blow it off. If you aren't against drinking, just say, "It's not my thing, but feel free to indulge." Then, they won't feel confronted and likely back off.

[undeterred]

53. I'm a vegetarian and I don't drink or smoke.

And I don't mind being around people who do, but... sitting around with people who are chainsmoking, eating meat, and getting drunk for hours is really not my idea of a good time...keeps moving chair farther away from smoke...

[Hardrada]

27. I have to avoid some relatives who get blitzed even though

they have had bad health problems because of drinking. I can stand it when they visit because they I have no time for drunkenness here. And it is amazing how obnoxious drunken behavior can persist for decades and decades. Maybe God does protect drunks somehow?
I gave up drinking ages ago. One chap I know wonders what I would be like if I had a few drinks. I told him that he would not want to know. Really.

[Faux pas]

28. Just say "I'm so & so and I'm an alcoholic". That should shut

them up. Whether you are or aren't, who cares?

[lbrtbell]

29. Yes - I will not be around people who drink

Alcohol smells awful and it makes people behave like idiots. All the other non-drinkers I know refuse to be around drinkers, too. It's sort of like hanging out with a bunch of low-IQ Republicans with really bad body odor...ugh.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

30. These are NOT social situations. These are work situations.

"feel free to indulge" wouldn't apply here but I think they do get defensive.
These people were on my property to work or supervise the workers. There was no alcohol available.

Maybe the buzz they get is better than the knowledge that they are rotting their livers. :shrug:


I went to a book club meeting. I was talking to one of the wine drinkers. I told him that I did not have alcohol in the house growing up. He gave me a pitiable look like I had missed something important growing up.

I told him, "My father was an alcoholic. My mother threatened to leave him, when I was a baby, if he didn't stop drinking. She was taking the two kids and the dog and leaving. So he stopped."

Then he looked a bit more serious. He got what I was talking about, not having alcohol in the house because of my father. I think he showed incredible courage in stopping cold turkey. He never went to AA.

Then the man said, "Sometimes it takes a good woman to straighten things out." I said, "Yes, he stopped and it worked."

So he understood where I was coming from, in that alcohol was destroying my family in the 50s and my dad had the discipline to stop it.

[1620rock]

31. The hell with them, it's non of their business what you do or do not do. No explanations necessary.

[tabatha]

32. Anything any person says

is a statement more about them than you.

Do not get upset because they are jerks and have fixations on alcohol.

Just say - I don't drink, and leave it at that.

[sylveste]

33. to be honest, sounds like

they were just trying to make idle chit chat and a light hearted joke, and you were trying too hard to be offened.

[NBachers]

34. I drink a miniscule amount over the course of a year. It doesn't bother me what others do or say

Sometimes I'll go along with the joke. Sometimes I'll just smile and ruefully say, "Nah- those days are long over."

But it sure makes me more observant of the effects alcohol has on people around me, though. And I have less tolerance for it. I don't mind getting away from alcohol-induced problem behavior before it goes too far.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

35. I didn't even mention the latest incident.

Remember when I posted about the doctor who wouldn't take cash money? Last week or whatever?

I went to another doctor I had never seen before, on the other side of the waiting room, and would take cash money, and he brought up Jack Daniels????

:banghead: :wtf: :banghead:

[ScreamingMeemie]

37. Honestly? It doesn't bother me.

It sounds like they were making chit chat. Why would saying "I don't drink" irritate you? Why not switch it up then to "I get drunk on life"?

[madrchsod]

39. i gave up drinking a long time ago.

i don`t mind people who drink but really can`t stand people who get drunk anymore. when i was drinking i could just tolerate them but now nope.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

40. kick

[Raine]

41. Just laugh it off and say something like "no such luck"

and let it go. You don't owe them an explanation and that way you don't come off as self righteous and defensive (which is what some might feel your usual response is).

[Warren DeMontague]

42. No. It might have made a difference when I was in college, but at my age

I don't think anyone gives a shit.

[B Calm]

43. Drinking milk, YUCK

[PoliticAverse]

44. No, unless they keep trying to push drinks on me. n/t

[Manifestor_of_Light]

45. I am getting annoyed.

I am getting as annoyed at people who bring up alcohol as I am at the nosy Christians who are so very worried about what church I go to. I really don't think I should have to explain myself. It's not anybody else's business. And I'm not going to lie and tell people I'm an alcoholic or some such BS like that. My father, who I admire very much for stopping drinking, would be thoroughly ashamed of me if I said that.

Churches are everywhere here. People are usually some flavor of Christian and they wear big honking cross earrings and necklaces and bracelets. I wonder "Do they have a vampire problem?"

However, this county only voted wet a couple of years ago. You can buy beer and wine at the convenience stores. I do not know if the county seat has an actual off-premises consumption liquor store or not. In Texas, they only sell distilled spirits at a free-standing privately owned liquor store.

I don't know of any bars in the county, and there are probably three or four restaurants that sell mixed drinks in the county seat.

Because of people bringing up alcohol, and the fact that there are very few outlets to buy beer and wine, and possibly no hard liquor outlets, this tells me that there are probably a lot of heavy drinkers out there. It's on their minds but not on my mind. Even if they have to drive 25 miles to the next county.

Is this a reasonable presumption?

[Abin Sur]

46. I normally don't find myself in settings where people drink.

I don't go to parties or bars. Exception: when my friends and I get together for our weekly gaming session, some of them will sometimes drink, one of them occasionally to the point of intoxication. It doesn't make me uncomfortable, but I do find that people are boring when they're drunk.

[Codeine]

51. Drunk gamers are the worst.

The only exception was the buzzed guy we played Pitchcar with a few years back, but I can't imagine enjoying playing a serious boardgame/wargame/RPG with someone intoxicated or stoned. Tons of plastered people at game conventions have been the source of many invariably horrible experiences.

[Abin Sur]

58. It sounds like you've given me another reason not to go to game conventions...

[FloridaJudy]

48. I'm a recovering alcoholic

But it doesn't bother me to be around other people who are drinking. In fact, sooner or later they're going to remind me of why I quit. Incoherent babbling, staggering, and vomiting are so attractive...

The only time it bothers me is when they get insistent about knowing why I won't join them. There could be any number of reasons why a person doesn't drink, from religious convictions to health problems that aren't apparent, and those aren't anyone else's business. I always figure that these people probably have a drinking problem of their own. Or else that they're very, very rude.

My standard answer is "Sorry, but I've already drunk my quota of alcohol for this incarnation. Catch me next time around".

Most drunks take a long time puzzling that one out.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

49. I repeat: These people are not drinking, this is a business setting.

Please do not ignore that. I am not at a bar or restaurant. Many responses assume I am around people who are drunk. I'm not. They bring it up in a work setting.

These all happened in a non-drinking, non-social, WORK setting.

The first incident was the supervisor (company owner) of the people working on my property.

The second incident was a man who was a guest at a party in my yard.

The third incident, just a couple of weeks ago, I was at the doctor, talking to this man I had never been to before, and he brings up "Jack Daniels"????

:wtf: :banghead: :banghead: :wtf:

[FloridaJudy]

62. In that case, they're just rude.

Miss Manners suggests "Why would you need to know that?" as the correct response.

[Codeine]

50. Most of my friends drink a glass of wine or two with weekend dinners.

I do not drink ever, but as long as nobody is plastered I don't care.

OTOH, I won't spend a moment socially with smokers or drug users of any sort. Those things make me very uncomfortable.

[Arkana]

52. Only if they get completely out of control.

I went to college and managed not to get drunk once in four years, but I lived with people who did. As long as you're not depending on them for a ride home, drunks are funny.

[pipi_k]

54. So many bad memories...

associated with alcohol drinkers and alcoholics...yes...I'm very uncomfortable around alcohol drinkers. I'm always on edge, not knowing what they might say or do...

[SwissTony]

55. My daughter's experiencing this problem at the moment

The people she's staying with (she's in Australia at the moment) are frequent and heavy drinkers. They find it really difficult to comprehend that she doesn't actually drink. She says "No" but they get her a drink anyway, which then goes onto the nearest plant.

[haele]

56. Nope - I take notes.

Being a non-drinker at drinking party has all sorts of potential.

Haele

[Drahthaardogs]

57. Generally speaking, I don't drink.

I am allergic and it makes my lips swell. I have never noticed anyone caring one way or another about my alcohol intake.

[DevonRex]

61. I really dislike it when the same person keeps trying to push a drink

on me. If I say no thanks then that should be the end of it.

[saras]

63. The discomfort is mutual

To my perception, everything that makes people human is pretty much gone by the second or third drink, and what's left is an inferior quality of monkey playing with a human body like it might with a car. I tend to talk to the part of them that is no longer functioning, and this makes them uncomfortable, to say the least.

The major impact it has on my life is that it drastically limits the live music available to me. Personally I'm immersed in a community of mostly non-drinkers, but I live in a musical backwater. The last time I saw something ahead of the curve here, it was Fred Frith in the mid-eighties. Nondrinking venues are horribly limited, as are private events. Folk, lite jazz, the ukulele club - that's what you find without drinkers. I'm too old to go to raves.

But yes, in much of the "straight" world, I am expected to explain and justify my not drinking alcohol. Over and over.

In a bad mood, I'll answer "I don't drink because, in my observation, drinking makes people stupid." They invariably ask for an example or explanation, and both are provided by the question they just asked. "The stuff you're drinking just made you go up to a total stranger and ask them belligerently why they don't use drugs. Isn't that enough evidence?"

[Posteritatis]

64. I only feel uncomfortable around alcohol drinkers who don't accept that I don't drink. (nt)

[Manifestor_of_Light]

66. I was very uncomfortable in New Orleans.

In the French Quarter I was very aware of the bad vibes.

Bar -- bad vibes
voodoo store -- bad vibes
art gallery -- good vibes
antique store -- good vibes

I was amazed how a good vibe business would be next to a bad vibe business.

I could walk twenty feet and the feeling I got would change.

I think bars can be the location of a lot of bad vibes.

[SwissTony]

67. I once really impressed a woman who came to a party at my place.

I offered her a drink. She said she didn't drink alcohol. I offered her a glass of milk. She thought that was pretty neat. She was only at the party because she was a neighbour and I had just moved in and was having a little housewarming. She just dropped in to say hello.

[krabigirl]

68. People are just trying to make conversation. Drinking is fun for some people.

I drink a glass of wine a few nights a week but I am not into getting "drunk" anymore, so yeah, drunks can be annoying, but I do like learning how to make new drinks and such.

I also find American culture pretty freaky when it comes to this stuff. No moderation really. It's either be completely sober, or get wasted all the time. I do like visiting relatives in other countries where they aren't as weird about that stuff.