Survivors of sexual abuse appalled by Penn State unrest

[seabeyond]

Kayla Garriott, a 22-year-old college student who was sexually abused as a child, said the open support for Paterno was disrespectful to survivors.

"That's the first thing people look at -- that their football team is without their head coach that's been there so many years. Nobody looks at the eight children."

The rioters are "never going to be in those children's shoes. It's not about football. It's about eight children who are never going to get back their lives back. They're going to live with this the rest of their lives. They might not get over that."

*

The reaction of the crowd could send an unintended message to children and teenagers who've been abused: They may feel blamed for what happened to the football team and the rioting, said Dorris, who was also abused as a child

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/10/health/survivors-penn-unrest/index.html?hpt=hp_bn10

[Fumesucker]

1. Unintended?

I'm not so sure..

[seabeyond]

2. i hadnt thought about that. but since you bring it up, yes, i think that was kind saying unintended

but i think a lot of it is very much the intended message.

[Odin2005]

3. This shit has really confirmed my disgust of "sports culture".

A bunch of boorish assholes.

[Avalux]

4. Children and teenagers who have been abused should know this....

The rioting was about a student body of a school they love suddenly finding out everything they believe in is has been shattered - they felt betrayed and became angry; the anger turned into a riot. They were trying to find a way to deal with their emotions, their despair. They were being selfish in that moment; and it doesn't mean they aren't respectful or supportive of the eight children or others who may have been abused. Tens of thousands participated in a candlelight vigil for the victims on Friday night and 23K was collected for abuse victims during the game - by students.

This is not a black and white issue; I've been dealing with my own emotions all week and they're all over the place. No matter how I feel at any given moment, those who were abused by Sandusky are first and foremost in my thoughts. Those we know about, and those out there we don't know about.

[seabeyond]

5. my youngest son is having a big problem processing this. he is one

that will find good in all people. to our amazement, one time, he even found good in hitler. it is how he always has been. paterno has been a man he could say, hey, he is good. this has been hard not to look for reasons to let him off the hook for this specific situation. i understand what you are saying. that is for sure.

the upside, and only one i am seeing, is my son has come to me a number of times allowing conversations going in many directions, looking from all angles.

[Avalux]

6. I am much like your son....it's very difficult to process.

To compound, PSU is my alma mater, and I was personally affected by Paterno and the culture at PSU - in a positive way. I've attended Paterno lectures and I can say that he inspired me. So....how does one come to terms with what's happened, how Paterno has been implicated and my feelings for him? All I can tell myself right now is that it doesn't negate the good he's done in his life; I am reserving my final judgement on how I feel about him until there's been a trial. There's still much we don't know.

I am glad you're discussing with your son. How old is he?

[seabeyond]

8. this is not all of who paterno is. but this is an example where

we have allowed ourselves to not look, really look, at a really ugly part of who we are. we dont want to for many different reasons. my oldest, 16 yr old son and i just now discussed for an half hour. we dont get to give paterno an out. and it is not all of who he is. society allowed him to turn his head on this, how we have created our worlds with acceptance of so many things, that would have been socially unacceptable in the past. we are feeding off the worst of who we are.

that is why it is so important for a world united, saying.... no off the hook. that simple

also, we have to be a good enough person to know this is not all who paterno is. and i am hoping as time progresses paterno himself will be able to balance this within.

my son is 14. there is so much that has been thrown in their world, that we have never had to put our energy into, to figure out. my son watches espn. that is about it. yet, even with espn he is fed the sexual crap that a child should not have to address at such a young age. yet, the kids do. they have to talk about stuff, and acknowledge and see.

when talking to my 16 yr old just now, i showed him the thread of child porn across the nation. i dont want to see, he says. makes me sick. yes, it does make us sick and so many of us dont want to see, and that is why decades of child abuse was allowed to happen with sundusky.

this is their world.

[seabeyond]

10. my way of thinking

what i try to teach the kids. being honest is not painful. we think it will be. but it isnt. the pain is in trying to protect an illusion or desire.

if a person can be honest with themselves about what is, then everything is in balance adn you can still appreciate paterno, and value all you got out of the school and what it gave you. it is the denying, that your self struggles with.

[Avalux]

13. I agree with everything you've said...

and you are a good mom for openly discussing such a difficult topic with your sons; I have done the same with my 15 year old daughter. Awareness of the good, bad and ugly in the world is necessary and a lot of times parents choose to avoid these sorts of talks with their kids which only does them a disservice.

:hi:

[seabeyond]

17. agree. i think it is so important for our children. nt

[TBF]

27. It's great that he is coming to you -

and a good chance for you to explain that people are complex. Usually not all good or all bad ... and how people who are good in many ways can also do scary things, make bad choices. If he's old enough for that conversation.

[seabeyond]

28. lol, i was talking to them about that at 4, so 14, sure. just little adult brains

and i have seen him jump from kid to adult thinking in the last couple months. he was much more obvious than oldest son. oldest was always reflective, and adult like. but, i am thrilled with this kids reasoning, that i have heard lately. and i am very happy he is coming to me. he use to be the more quiet kid.

i agree. makes parenting a lot easier.

[TBF]

31. Mine are young so I'm never sure what it's like with middle school

or high school kids. But will find out in the coming years ...

I read a few more of the threads and it sounds like your kids are awesome - that they would sit down and be so reflective at their ages.

[seabeyond]

32. you know, we live in an area that is opposite of who we are. they went to a christian private, and

are not religious. 9/11 happened when they were very young and was very hard for them to understand and the changing world. we have always talked about social issues, conditioning, and thought about what the rest of their community was giving to us. the wrong in it. the understanding why they think like they do. and the respectful disagreeing with it. but never, never.... keep your mouth shut.

our dinner table is time for chat.

we talk

my husband does not. it was not allowed in his house or encouraged. actively discouraged. this is one thing he says he is so thankful and appreciative that i have done with kids.

kids friends get into the car, and everyone has to talk. explore thought. just a must.

they may not get it all at a very young age, but i truly found it works the brain to explore all angles so as they grow, they are continually looking for answers. no parroting. not allowed. and i ask a lot of questions encouraging exploration, the right or wrong of it, just do it.

my kids had to face some very hard truths young. i learned their resilience in that.

and, they are not boring. i cant do boring, lol.

[TBF]

37. interesting, especially in texas :)

growing up in rural poverty (in the midwest) i have been happy to not have to expose my kids to many things I grew up seeing ... but sometimes I think about that and worry that i'm sheltering them too much. But they do know that their mom and dads are dems - which here in tx as you know is pretty radical in and of itself.

[seabeyond]

39. i am from calif. i was really concerned raising kids here. i was afraid the influece of peers

would be greater than parents. as we are so readily and often told. that is not true. not kinda or sorta. from a very young age, my kids learned i look for the best in all things, i am honest with them always even to the point of saying it is not a conversation they are ready to hear. they trusted me on that, and would let it go.

peers have nothing on the parents if well established. i always had reading material. started having magazines sent to the house. we have national geographic, smithsonean, and times, delivered. i leave on the dining room table and kids read them regularly, the times weekly. i drive to school with npr and if interesting will go into conversation on subject. driving kids is the best time to chat.

age appropriate. you know your kids best and what they can handle.

i will talk about some things, i wont talk to with another, cause of who they are.

but all this knowledge allows them the confidence to think things thru before they come up. they have already considered so many things they face as teenagers. looked at from different angles. it gives them the tools they need to make smart choices.

[Texasgal]

35. I wish i could rec your post.

I agree with you very much.

Life would be easier if it was all black and white!

[thucythucy]

38. "Everything they believe in has been shattered."

Really? Are we talking about a religion here, a cult, a political ideology? Or are we talking about the coach of a college football team?

This is just my humble opinion, but I think something is seriously out of kilter here.

[seabeyond]

40. with this coach, there was a lot of things he did right that allowed people and kids

to grab onto a man that professed what we want our kids to learn. that is what they saw in the man. and that is what was shattered. he was not all of the man, that they had seen him to be.

[thucythucy]

41. I have to confess

I don't know the man, hadn't heard of him until the recent atrocity.

So what exactly did this guy do that was so great? I'm serious. Was he exploring ways to end world hunger? Funding research to cure cancer? Exposing himself to mortal danger in the name of human rights? I mean, given the response of these students, and some of the comments I've seen posted here, you'd get the impression this guy is Martin Luther King, Andrei Sakorov, Mahatma Gandhi all rolled into one. What has he sacrificed for his fellow human being? What great wisdom has he handed down from on high?

I'm also skeptical about your take on the why of the riot. From what I saw and heard, the rioters were pissed off, not because their idol had feet of clay, but because the school administration decided to fire him. They were still supporting their hero, still saw him as Their Great Leader. And in fact, it seems like they still do. Weren't the students planning to march to his house to present him with the game ball, if their team had won yesterday?

That doesn't sound like disillusionment to me. It sounds like the same unquestioning, unreasoning faith. And again I wonder: why?

Like I said, more like a cult, than a sport. But again, that's just my opinion.

[seabeyond]

42. i agree with you on your whole post. you wont hear me defending his actions or the students.

no, i cannot list out the stuff the created his reputation that he had.

but i wouldnt much waste my time cause obviously it was not world hunger.

adn i dont disagree with you, so not gonna try to change your mind. why? lol

[thucythucy]

43. I apologize for going off

on you like that, seabeyond. I see from your posts you share my views on all this.

Anyway, for reasons obvious and perhaps not so obvious this issue has hit a real nerve for me. But I appreciate your posts and apologize again if I seemed over-the-top.

Best wishes.

[seabeyond]

44. not a problem

at all. personally, i prefer the person that is actually over the top in anger and outrage.

[Hippo_Tron]

45. Yea I don't get it, sports will never be anything than just a game for me

If a coach for a team I support did this I'd say good riddance and see you later. There's always next season...

[Avalux]

46. I didn't mention Paterno once in my post....

was just trying to give some insight into how the students were feeling and why they acted as they did. Doesn't mean it's right but it's human nature.

Penn State is a great school and my time there was nothing but positive. It's hard for me to even tell people I went there now. THAT's what the students are dealing with.

[thucythucy]

47. But the students who did the rioting

certainly did. At least, those I saw interviewed talked about how angry they were that he'd been fired. And the signs some of them carried mentioned him as well.

My thoughts about school loyalty are pretty much the same as my thoughts on loyalty to a coach, a team, what have you. I went to college too, but I never felt any especial "love" for the university where I got my undergrad degree. It was a fairly nice place to be, and it offered me a wonderful chance at an education (which, sadly, I was too young and immature to take full advantage of, but that's another story). But as far as having any great "faith" in the place, or any huge regard for any particular member of the teaching staff or administration -- well, there were professors I liked and admired, but if any of them had been implicated in something like this, even as young and immature as I was I doubt I would have over turned any media vans or set any fires had they then been discharged.

As far as it being difficult to tell people now about your alma mater, well, the student riot I think made that exponentially worse. Really, I doubt any reasonable person for a moment considered blaming the current students for the actions of coaches, staff, administration of a half a decade or a decade ago. But then comes this massive demonstration which, as the poster noted, came off to many of us as a big pep rally for rape--and yes, that now makes me wonder just what the hell is going on up there. Obviously the rioters don't represent the majority of students, but clearly there were a lot of them, and they were all seemingly clueless as to the deeper issues involved here. I'm glad that there was a peaceful counter rally to off set the message of the original riot, but it seems to me, like our president said, that a good deal of soul searching is in order.

Anyway, I'm sorry you feel burdened by this as you seem to. I'm glad you had a positive experience there. This series of horrors shouldn't detract from that. Indeed, it puts you in the position of possibly being able to help. As an alum, perhaps you can speak to the students there now, make your feelings known to the administration, try to figure out some way to channel all this anger and hurt into something positive. I should think the first order of business would be some--again--soul searching on why the initial impulse of so many students (and perhaps faculty and staff as well) was to rally around the coach as victim, as opposed to seriously empathizing with the victims of rape.

I tell you one thing - I sure as hell wouldn't want to have been a rape survivor on that campus right after that riot. Talk about twisting the knife! And I can't even conceive of what one of Sandusky's victims must have been feeling, watching all that. Ever hear the term "re-stimulation"? It's somewhat common among those with post traumatic stress disorder, something many rape survivors have to deal with. It's an event that triggers all the horror, pain, terror, shame, confusion, of the original assault. I think of that poor boy, there in the shower, being raped by this brutal man. I think of that grad student coming in, seeing what was happening, and turning away. I wonder if that boy, now an adolescent, saw that riot, and felt as though the whole world was turning away from him. It's very sad to think about, on so many levels.

As I said, as an alum you might want to put some serious thought into trying to help this community deal with what's happened. You have an opportunity here that those of us from a distance don't have. Is there a campus group being organized to look at what's happened, and how best to deal with it? I don't mean the administration or police investigation--I mean a grassroots effort to grasp and work through the complexities and the hurt--not to mention some way to support those on campus who might be survivors themselves. There are other communities that have had to deal with this kind of violation of faith and trust, and it only happens when people work to make it happen. Ever hear that saying: "the only way out is through"?

I'll leave you with a paraphrase of the lyrics to one of my favorite Sleater Kinney songs:

When violence rules the world outside
and the headlines make you want to cry
it's not the time to just keep quiet
speak up, one time, with love.

Best wishes to you and yours.

Thucythucy

[Skidmore]

7. This morning I saw a clip from a news story in which a fan? said

"We just all want to get beyond this." Like it is a bit of dust to sweep under the carpet? That is the problem and why most people are reacting with disgust to the way PS dealt with a genuine tragedy. Those children were discounted and treated like dirt to preserve a sports program.

I think college sports programs need to be cleaned up in general. A good friend of mine works in the county prosecutor's office and she once told me that she was disgusted to find that the reason she went to law school appears to be to deal with the violations of the local athletes.

[seabeyond]

9. we don't want to look. we don't want to see. a large proportion of date rape is done by athletes.

that is not a little issue to be dismissed. it is relevant. yet, we refuse to acknowledge.

as long as we pretend there is no problems, the longer all this will escalate.

[global1]

11. I Think Penn State Losing Yesterday's Game Was Good For Them......

if they won they would have further embarrassed themselves by giving the game ball to Paterno. That would have been a mistake. I'm glad they didn't have the chance to do that.

[seabeyond]

12. i agree.

i was hoping for a loss. and not because i am angry about the situation, but exactly for the reason you stated.

[robdogbucky]

14. "...about eight children..." Lots more than that coming forward

Number Of Sandusky Victims To Come Forward At "Almost 20"


As of Monday's press conference, the grand jury presentment identified eight separate victims, six of whom were known to prosecutors. Since the Attorney General asked further victims to come forward and publicized a phone number to call, the number of reported victims has "more than doubled in the past day, and is closer to 20 victims."

That's reported by FOX 29 in Philadelphia, on top of a verified ninth victim who has already spoken with authorities. That man, now in his 20s, claims he met Jerry Sandusky through The Second Mile.


http://deadspin.com/5857697/number-of-sandusky-victims-to-come-forward-at-almost-20



Jerry Sandusky Scandal: Victims Of Abuse By Former Penn State Coach Continue To Come Forward (VIDEO)
Exclusive: Victims Double In Penn State Case: MyFoxPHILLY.com


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/08/jerry-sandusky-scandal-victims-double-penn-state_n_1083084.html

[seabeyond]

16. i was reading an article of almost a 20. and he went on to say

the reality, with decades of this abuse, probably closer to a hundred. decades... he says.

[SomethingFishy]

19. The Second Mile Foundations was founded in the late 70's

so yeah I'm betting this is the tip of the iceberg...

[seabeyond]

21. picture of where sandusky lives. how does one find a house so perfect, no fence, playground.

[SomethingFishy]

23. Holy Shit! Ok, this guy needs to be locked up and studied

100 yards from an Elementary School? The Foundation? This guy is one sick individual. I hesitate to use the word Evil but damn....

[seabeyond]

24. you know his wife had to know. you know his friends

one of them, the coach, had to know

i thought it was a holy shit, too

[RagAss]

15. Common reaction to a cult.

[roamer65]

18. These unrest hooligans are selfish, disrespectful and lack empathy.

It is what their parents have made them.

[seabeyond]

20. i think so. you also had a hell of a lot of kids calling out their fellow students.

same goes for them. what their parents taught them

[robdogbucky]

22. Advertisers pull ads from Penn State games

Advertisers pull ads from Penn State games


By Daniel Frankel

Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:04pm EST

LOS ANGELES (TheWrap.com) - Beyond the profound embarrassment and ethical questions surrounding the sexual abuse scandal at Penn State, the controversy is also hurting the University's bottom line.

The Wall Street Journal reported on Sunday that no less than six advertisers have pulled their commercials from upcoming Penn State football broadcasts on ESPN.

"I have multiple advertisers pulling ads from the ESPN broadcast," one media buyer told the Journal. "I am advising my clients to move out of games for the short term," another buyer added.

The Journal's report followed an announcement on Friday that Cars.com would pull its commercials from the school's upcoming games.

Penn State operated the third most profitable football program in the U.S. last season, pulling in income of $50 million off revenue of $70 million...


http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/11/13/us-pennstate-idUSTRE7AC12X20111113

[seabeyond]

26. guess that is a real ooopsy, since it seemed their main concern was the $. nt

[robdogbucky]

25. Jerry Sandusky and Gary Schultz continue to receive generous Penn State pensions

Jerry Sandusky and Gary Schultz continue to receive generous Penn State pensions

Published: Saturday, November 12, 2011, 7:32 PM


Former Penn State assistant coach Jerry Sandusky and ousted Vice President Gary Schultz will likely continue to be very well paid by the university.

Sandusky was indicted last week on 40 counts of child sex abuse charges. Schultz was charged with perjury before the grand jury investigating the Sandusky case, which is also a felony, along with failing to report suspected child abuse.


When he retired, Sandusky opted to take a lump-sum pension payment of $148,271 from the State Employees’ Retirement System. The rest of his pension is being paid out monthly and is $58,898 annually.

Schultz could be far more richly paid. He elected to receive a $421,847 lump-sum payment at the time of his retirement in 2009, after nearly 39 years of service...


http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/11/jerry_sandusky_continues_to_re.html

[MadBadger]

30. Why shouldnt Sandusky receive his pension?

He is being accused of a crime in which he is innocent until proven guilty.

No matter how heinous the allegations, he should still receive his pension because of what I said above.

[robdogbucky]

48. I don't know, why don't you ask the author?

See, I simply relate the news stories, I don't write them.

I do believe you have me confused with someone that gives a shit.

As for keeping up on the story, here is the latest selection from PennLive.com.

Got a problem with any of them, contact that news outlet, eh?




Leader of Second Mile children's charity resigns over Jerry Sandusky sex abuse scandal

Published: Monday, November 14, 2011, 10:11 AM

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/11/ceo_of_the_second_mile_steps_d.html



Nancy Eshelman: Penn State scandal stole the headlines from other newsmakers

Published: Sunday, November 13, 2011, 3:30 PM

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/11/nancy_eshelman_penn_state_scan.html




A Patriot-News Special Report: Who knew what about Jerry Sandusky? There were many missed chances to investigate as early as 1995

Published: Friday, November 11, 2011, 12:19 AM

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/11/who_knew_what_about_jerry_sand.html




Jerry Sandusky's autobiography 'Touched' contains passages that now make the reader cringe

Published: Saturday, November 12, 2011, 4:00 PM

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/11/jerry_sandusky_autobiography_t.html




Joe Paterno was 'negligent' in handling of child abuse claims, former Florida State coach Bobby Bowden says

Published: Saturday, November 12, 2011, 6:08 PM

http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/11/joe_paterno_was_negligent_in_h.html

[Curmudgeoness]

29. The first thing I thought when I heard about rioting at PSU

was that they were mad that the university had covered up abuses. Then I find out that they are mad that heads are rolling. I should have known. Sports fans are much too serious about their teams above all else. Sigh.

[seabeyond]

33. were mad that the university had covered up abuses

yes. me, too.

[Fumesucker]

34. I'm cynical..

I was almost certain they were rioting due to the heads rolling.

[Curmudgeoness]

36. I usually am too. But this just blew me away.

Then again, I think that sports are ridiculous to begin with, so I would not have that in my mind.