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See, I went through this shit when I was in school. I was absolutely tortured over being "fat". I told my Mom, she ignored it because she felt that nobody would listen to her because she was poor and didn't speak well or have much education. I wound up suicidal by 15, although (thankfully) my own attempt failed and I got some therapy and medication.
So if *my* child came home and told me, "Mom? Some kids at school...they constantly say that I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm a slut..."? I'd be IN that office, having a direct and to-the-fucking-point conversation with the principal and the counselor, in which I'd tell them "You either STOP this, or I WILL pull my child out of school, homeschool him, and sue you and the BoE for everything I can. I don't care what you have to do--expel the other kids, transfer the bullies to a different school, force them into some kind of reparative therapy--whatever you have to do. But the abuse and harassment of MY child stops TODAY, period."
I've already done a similar thing twice--once when the school brought in the Boy Scouts to come recruit. They did it at lunchtime, when the kids were a captive audience, and they didn't tell the parents in advance. I wound up with a 7-year-old coming home, SO excited about camping and fishing and all those Boy Scouts things, and I had to explain to him that he couldn't be a part of that because the BSA hates his gay parents and won't let our atheist family participate. He was devastated, and I was HEATED. Seven is too damned young to be forced to come to terms with homophobia and religious discrimination, and all because the administrators "didn't think" about how that situation might hurt the kids who weren't ALLOWED to participate. I went off, and the principal nearly fell out of her desk chair apologizing over that one. We wound up agreeing that any further BSA visits to the school would be "excused absence" days for atheist kids or other kids who couldn't "belong" according the the BSA rules.
The most recent time was just a few weeks ago. LyricKid just started middle school this Fall, and he loves all of his teachers except one. That one is a hateful, misanthropic old b-word who honestly shouldn't be allowed within 50 feet of children, much less allowed to TEACH them. Twice now, LyricKid and his best buddy who lives down the street and is in his class, have come home in tears over something that woman did or said. She's spiteful and vindictive. She punishes the entire class whenever one kid commits even a minor infraction. She deliberately singles kids out for humiliation. LyricKid forgot his notebook one day, and she stood him up in front of the class and told everyone that "this was an example of the kind of irresponsible crap" that she "was not going to tolerate", because "anyone with half a brain cell can remember a notebook". She belittled the kids, called them stupid, lazy, you get the point.
For the first two weeks, I was supportive at home and told him to try befriending her and seeing things from her point of view. Some people are just cranky, and dealing with them is a part of life. I thought maybe since all his previous teachers were practically angels on earth, he was overreacting to the first negative teacher experience he'd ever really had. But it finally got to the point that he was throwing up in the mornings before school out of sheer anxiety, and starting to become withdrawn and sad. I was afraid he was going to end up with an ulcer or serious anxiety/depression problems. So I wrote an e-mail to the principal and the counselor, telling them everything that I'd heard from both kids about this woman, and told them that (1) I wanted Boo put into counseling to help him deal with the anxiety because it was affecting him physically, and (2) I wanted them to talk to this teacher and fix the problem. If that didn't work, then I wanted him OUT of this woman's class. They got back to me the very next day. We all met up to discuss the situation, and things are much better now. Boo sees the counselor regularly, they did a mediation with the teacher, and according to Boo, she is behaving much more professionally in class now. No more name-calling, no more bullying and humiliation. Apparently I was not the only parent to complain. Not a big surprise there.
Half the reason I was so damaged by school is because MY parents were timid due to their low self-esteem and lack of education, and were uncomfortable "getting involved". I'm not one of these helicopter parents who swoops in the very moment that anything less-than-perfect happens to my precious little snowflake, but I'm also not going to brush off legitimate, traumatizing problems as "kids will be kids" or "cranky people will be cranky". Kids should go to school to learn; they don't go to school to be bullied, humiliated, and singled out for social rejection and abuse.
I love teachers, and I support PUBLIC schools 100%, no exceptions. But I do not, and will never, tolerate bullying--whether via the other kids, or an incompetent teacher. I wish to god that bullying were taken more seriously in all schools, because it screws kids up for life. I'm still scarred. I know LOTS of other people who are too, many of them right here at DU. This shit needs to stop. Maybe if we start prosecuting the PARENTS of bullies who do nothing to address the problem, and refuse to believe that their precious little psychopaths have done anything wrong...maybe we'd actually get somewhere. Bullies LEARN bullying behavior; it's not inborn. If a child is bullying other kids, there is something seriously fucked-up in their home, and it needs to be dealt with--by the law, if necessary.
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