http://www.buffalobeast.com/?p=418241) Christine O’Donnell
Charges: Doesn’t understand that separation of church and state is in the Constitution; doesn’t understand that you can’t pay rent with campaign contributions; doesn’t understand that lying to Nazis would’ve been moral; doesn’t understand that you can’t run for Senate and repeatedly lie about your education without being found out; doesn’t understand that being pro-life in cases of rape and incest makes one a monster; doesn’t understand climate change; doesn’t understand evolution; doesn’t understand that you can’t breed genetically altered mice with fully functional human brains; doesn’t understand that being a single, “chaste” thirty-something who obsessively evangelizes against masturbation and gay sex gives anyone with even a vague appreciation of human nature the likely correct impression that you’ve had your finger in more dykes than the Little Dutch Boy. Just doesn’t understand.
Aggravating factor: “I’m not a witch; I’m you.”
Sentence: Burned at the stake.
...
38) Tucker Carlson
Charges: A consummate dildo, liar and CATO Institute lackey who has the annoying habit of telling real reporters, “I will destroy you!” Canned by every cable news channel, he slithered over to his own internet crap-fest the Daily Caller, where he had the sour grapes to smear Dave Weigel’s innocuous Journolist as a liberal media conspiracy—after he’d been rejected from joining the listserve himself. Sued for the rights for TuckerCarlson.com, then registered KeithOlbermann.com and used it to send fraudulent emails to a reporter in Philly, using Olbermann’s voice to snipe at his old MSNBC boss Phil Griffin. He’s the kind of guy who ties sweaters around his shoulders and snorts when he laughs. And he’s definitely not gay!
Aggravating factor:Dan ABRAMS: Tucker, what did you do, by the way? What did you do when
? We got to know.
CARLSON: I went back with someone I knew and grabbed the guy by the—you know, and grabbed him, and—and—
ABRAMS: And did what?
CARLSON: Hit him against the stall with his head, actually!
Sentence: Must listen to Keith Olbermann read an entire James Thurber novel.
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14) Barack Obama
Charges: Outside of his promise to never end the pointless war in Afghanistan, his word has the integrity of Halliburton cement. Whether it was a “robust” public option, real net neutrality, importing prescription drugs, barring lobbyists from serving in the White House, meaningful Wall Street reform or ending the Bush tax cuts for the disgustingly wealthy, our President caved like the Metrodome under the weight of a bloated oligarchy. Most irksome, he seemed dignified doing it.
Aggravating factor: Authorized the assassination of Americans accused of terrorism.
Sentence: Primary challenge from the Rent is 2 Damn High guy.
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