'UC Davis Pepper Spray Cop' Will Answer Your Burning Questions

[meegbear]

UC Davis Lieutenant John Pike—star of the hit viral video I, Pepper Spray Cop and muse to culturally literate Photoshoppers worldwide—can now add "advice columnist" to his growing resume. Er, at least his fake online persona can.

At PikesCorner, Pike—who, Slackstory tells us, is really NYC-based film director Ryan Gielen—answers reader-submitted—or "reader-submitted"—questions about all manner of pedestrian topics. There's info on how to deal with squirrels ("(t)ry pepper spraying the squirrel until his eyes bleed"); how to deal with a texting-addicted teen ("My suggestion would be imparting some pepper spray on him until his eyes bleed. However, it's important to lecture him while pepper spraying him until his eyes bleed—this way every time he goes to text message while driving, he will retain what we call the 'sense memory' of the last time he thought about texting while driving"); and buying a hybrid ("(t)he Nissan Leaf looks cool"), and many other topics. "Many people think I'm just the guy who pepper sprayed a bunch of peaceful protestors, but there's so much more to me," says the Pikescorner "About" page. "I'm not all about pepper spray." This doesn't seem to be true, however.

The general message of Pikescorner is that pepper spray can fix most problems. Luckily for you, canisters of pepper spray similar to Pike's are available on Amazon. Buy one for you and your loved ones! "The family that sprays together stays together," as our new friend and paramilitary-style version of Heloise might say.

While we're on the subject of not-really-John Pike's growing digital footprint: Several fake Pike Twitter accounts now exist, including @LtJohnPike, Pepper Spray Cop, and @PepperSprayPike. Looks like @PepperSprayPike has already made friendly with @fakehipstercop, inspired by O.G. Policememe Rick Lee; follow both of them and spend your work days monitoring their conversations/inhabiting a parallel universe.

If Occupy continues to produce policeman memes, someone should consider making trading cards.

http://gawker.com/5861742/uc-davis-pepper-spray-cop-will-answer-your-burning-questions

[qb]

1. That is an impressive photoshop!

[Voice for Peace]

2. trading cards! thars a fortune to be made

[Voice for Peace]

3. I haven't laughed so hard since this

[Bolo Boffin]

4. I've seen that picture Pepper Sprayed. n/t

[Voice for Peace]

10. ooh I'd like to see that one.

[sufrommich]

5. The comments on the Amazon page are funny too...

http://www.amazon.com/Defense-Technology-56895-Stream-Pepper/product-reviews/B0058EOAUE/ref=dp_db_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

[hootinholler]

7. I like the one star:

I was also present at the UC Davis test trials with Lt. Pike. Those student's were hosed down and didn't budge. I'm not sure how long this thing is supposed to take, but those miscreats didn't move. I heard some of them may have gotten sick latter but I expect my OC spray to work instantly. None of this 10 min crap. What happens if they were armed? or worse, registered democrats? I need OC spray that makes them cry instantly, like the bed wetters they are.

:rofl:

[sufrommich]

8. Yeah, that was my favorite. nt

[dana_b]

6. Sgt. Pepper Spray

police pepper-spray-experts trading cards in each Topps package of gum. Woo boy!

[Fantastic Anarchist]

9. Comes with a stick of PEPPERMINT gum.