Reviews of pepper spray on Amazon (heh!)

[Are_grits_groceries]

5.0 out of 5 stars Accept no substitutes when casually repressing students, November 21, 2011
By D-bag of Liberty - See all my reviews
This review is from: Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray (Misc.)

Whenever I need to breezily inflict discipline on unruly citizens, I know I can trust Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray to get the job done!

The power of reason is no match for Defense Technology's superior repression power. When I reach for my can of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, I know that even the mighty First Amendment doesn't stand a chance against its many scovil units of civil rights suppression.

When I feel threatened by students, no matter how unarmed, peaceful and seated they may be, I know that Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray has got my back as I casually spray away at point blank range.

It really is the Cadillac of citizen repression technology.

Buy a whole case.


More: http://www.amazon.com/Defense-Technology-56895-Stream-Pepper/dp/B0058EOAUE

To the point!

[beac]

1. May the excessive force be with you! n/t

[Bozita]

17. DUzy for sure!

[beac]

19. Wish I could claim it, but it comes from a FB posting by George Takei (of Star Trek fame)

I don't do Facebook, but it's been all over DU. He also wrote "Not to be meme-spirited, but someone's about to lose an arm." Perfect, no?

[firehorse]

28. I've been reading these all morning, laughing so hard my eyes are tearing up... favorites:

"great on nachos" "used in bloody mary's" and for "babysitting"

There's an excellent 3 star review by someone who bought the pepper spray for her "neighbor that lets his cats use her gladiolas as a litter box."

Mubarek's regret of not finding this product earlier was excellent also.

I could read these all day.

[firehorse]

30. Lol... Lt. John Pike just put his review: Great for two weeks of paid vacation. Uncertain about

"Great for two weeks of paid vacation. Uncertain about long-term effects on career."

TV chefs and critics need to add their reviews now.

[themadstork]

2. hehhe!

loved it!

[Carolina]

3. K&R

[tabatha]

4. This one counters Fox's "It's a food"

This review is from: Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray (Misc.)
BE WARNED: This product does not function well as a condiment, even though it says "pepper" in the title.

The other night, my family sat down to one of our favorite meals, a baked potato bar. The potatoes are great but using a pepper shaker or pepper grinder is so last century. So, thinking I was clever, I broke out my new bottle of Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray for each person to spray pepper on their delicious baked potatoes.

This did not work well. Instead of daintily covering the potato with a delicious peppery zing, this device sprayed a fiery, burning, misty liquid clear across the table into the eyes and face of the person on the other side, causing them to gasp and cough and making their eyes sting and water horribly. The next person to try the spray was equally unsuccessful. In fact, nobody at the table was able to figure out how to just get the pepper to come out on the potatoes themselves, despite everyone making repeated, faithful attempts.

I believe we made a good-faith effort to make this product work and give it the benefit of doubt, but it simply is not well-designed to replace your pepper shaker. The product description does not say that it won't work as a condiment; it definitely should be made more clear because this product is NOT suited for use at the dinner table.

[sufrommich]

5. lol! nt

[FirstLight]

11. *snort*

I am giggling in spite of myself :P

[hootinholler]

14. It is much better than casting asparagus n/t

[coalition_unwilling]

34. Put another way:

I'm sure you, like me, were excited at the prospect of consuming Pepper Spray as a source of food. The possibilities, pairings, and applications were endless. Yes, I was completely mesmerized by Megyn Kelly's announcement on The X Factor that Pepper Spray was "essentially a food product".

I had to have it.

After placing my order from Amazon I knew I was moving into new territory. First off, I was taken back that the Pepper Spray was sold by "eCop! Police Supply". But the more I thought about it, it made sense. "The cops are probably helping out the FDA in these troubled economic times with food distribution and ordinance", I thought. And that's when I realized that I really had never applied sprayable pepper to anything!

I had so many questions! Were there issues using it at the BBQ? Heck, is it better on steak, chicken, or fish? Is it not recommended for children or people with allergies? Is it considered offensive to cover foreign dishes in pepper spray? Should I not bring this with me to Panda Express?? I realized that I had some very serious research to do on the product.

Well, just as luck would have it, Amazon did there darnedest to get that package in my hands ASAFP, and succeed they did. I was just barely scratching the surface on various methods of liberally applying the spray (a lot of diagrams use peoples faces, I think to keep from offending other cultures with this newfound idea of spraying down food with pepper. Also, none of the heads in the diagrams had fully draw faces, mostly just tearing eyes and it's really creepy), when my package arrived.

It was packaged beautifully. I think the only other product I've received so quickly, with such lavish packaging and usage instructions was my Jitterbug cellphone. But much like the Jitterbug, I tossed the instructions aside for my 12 year grandson to read when he came over the following weekend.

So I decided to go "All in!" I cranked up the BBQ and got a hot fire started. Back in the kitchen, I managed to get the safety cap off and hose down my first steak on both sides. I knew I was in for a treat, because my eyes started watering the second I began to spray that steak down! After letting it sit twenty minutes in the open air, I took it out the BBQ.

The second I threw the steak on the grill, a fireball omitted that nearly singed off my eyelashes! Thinking that the steak might get too charred from the all the heat, I picked up the pepper spray and started liberally applying more pepper to the hot steak.

And that's the last thing I remember. Apparently, pepper spray shouldn't be used near a fire. And the can landed up exploding in my face and burning away the lower half of my jaw and chin. Now I can't eat anything without the aid of a nurse and a straw, but I can still type.

DON'T USE THIS ON FOOD!

So much for Megyn Kelly and "America's Trusted News Source!" They need to check the facts!

[nc4bo]

6. Get yer red hots while they're hot.

Definitely to the point.

Edit to correct spelling for DU Spelling Sheriff comes a callin'

[cui bono]

7. Hahaha... Like those Family Circus reviews they used to have up.

Those were hilarious.

The sad thing about these pepper spray reviews is that 28% of Amazon shoppers will not get the joke and buy the product based on those 5 star reviews.

[madrchsod]

8. dam there`s some really good reviews

i`m not clever enough to write a review.....

[Canuckistanian]

9. "...its many scovil units of civil rights suppression"

:rofl:

[mascarax]

10. Many detailed reviews at link - worth the read!

Although it blew my plan for a baked potato bar with 56895 for dinner tonight.

[sharp_stick]

12. I love the "Ordering For Christmas"

shipping options. I think I'll use this to keep my oldest from trying to rip the paper off the gifts for my younger kids.

Maybe I can order a cute little "casual pepper sprayer" cop outfit to do it with.

[Uncle Joe]

13. Nothing says good times like pepper spray.

Thanks for the thread, grits.

[Rainbowreflect]

15. K&R

:rofl:

[JNelson6563]

16. lolz

Loved how they used the ENTIRE name each and every time. :toast:

Julie

[Aerows]

18. I liked this reply:

Thank goodness for this review. I work with the elderly and was unsure of what pepper spray I should use to subdue them. I can't wait to try this out on the 90-year old grandma with dementia when she incessantly asks for another fruit cup. How dare she disturb my facebooking?

and then:

"I heard this is essentially a food product. Is it a good substitute as a hot sauce for my tacos?"

[Contrary1]

20. "Would this work on the seeing impaired? I work at a school for blind children...

and some of them have been getting pretty uppity lately and asking a lot of questions so I wanted to nip that in the bud right away. But since some are missing nerves in their ocular regions I didn't know if I should get this or go for the full on high charge taser. What's your take?"

:spray:

[begin_within]

21. The reviews are in...

“I bought four canisters along with this head-smasher thingy”
-----
“I have to admit, my sex life was going down hill before I found Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray.”
-----
“I brought this with me on my tour of the Arab Spring and let me tell you that it works just as well overseas. No converters needed! Whether it was "war widows" in Libya, wounded protestors in Syria, or uppity students in Tahir Square, they all succumbed to the natural goodness of red pepper oils aerosolized into a fine mist. We should put a big American flag on each and every canister so oppressed people around the world know the quality of our non-lethal products.”
-----
“I'm surprised this is not listed under "Grocery and Gourmet Foods". Yesterday I marinated my turkey with the spray, then smoked it... Wow! My bird is delicious!”
-----
“I ordered this thinking it was just a safe alternative to smacking my bitch up”
-----
“Better than Super Nanny!!!”
-----

[beac]

22. EIGHTEEN pages of reviews now!

LOVE this "most helpful negative review':

1.0 out of 5 stars Product Warnng: This product multiplies protesters
I casually used this product to try to disperse a small band of non-violent campers who had locked their arms together. Although initially it seemed to be effective, it took two applications! The worst part is that the next day they multiplied exponentially! Now what?



:rofl:

[Are_grits_groceries]

23. I wonder how many there will

end up being?

Over/unders anyone?

[beac]

25. 228 reviews and 7 pages of 'Customer Images" as of right now. I'm honestly surprised Amazon

hasn't pulled them. Maybe they figure anything that drives traffic to the site is a-Okay? :shrug:

[UnrepentantLiberal]

24. Brilliant!

To Facebook with this.

[Mimosa]

26. K&R!!! n/t

[firehorse]

27. thanks, just added my 1 star review

[Fumesucker]

29. Here's a snarky one..

I love snark, BTW.


I can't believe some of the positive reviews this product has received!!!! I remember a time in the 1960s when we had the backbone in this country to combat civil disobedience with bullets and baton charges. The liberals have absolutely runined this country and the fact that we have to rely on useless toys such as this "pepper spray" to combat violent insurrection makes me weep (oh the irony).

I teach middle school and after reading some of the raves on here purchased a canister of this pepper spray to keep in my desk drawer. Just last week several brats in my class (you know the kind - the 'readers') decided to hold a poetry "sit-in" for 20 minutes during recess. They said they were doing it in "solidarity" with the Occupy Wall Street movement.

I know sedition when I see it and wasn't going to allow such violent resistance to authority to occur for even one minute. As soon as they got on the gym floor and linked arms I did what any real American would - grabbed the canister and pointed the nozzle directly into their eyes. Oh sure, there was screaming and the usual crybaby hysteria but only a few of the students actually bled and doctors at the local trauma center said that the effects will only be permanent on three of the little Marxists - the rest will have no physically lasting effects.

Product is total garbage - you'd actually be better off with a reliable cattle prod.

[coalition_unwilling]

31. My personal fav (from one-star, i.e., negative, reviews):

I went to the demonstration because I had lost hope for the future. Then the riot police showed up to spray the rest of the protesters and me. You can imagine my excitement! We were about to be pacified and returned to normal society! That's what we wanted in the first place! But the product merely caused me blinding pain. I'm even less confident in our future and institutions now than I was when I arrived at the rally. Instead of believing that my social and financial betters don't care about me, I now believe they really don't like me and want me to be in pain. NOT the order-restoring effect the manufacturers promised. I want my money back and I never even paid for the stuff!

[coalition_unwilling]

32. My personal fav (from five-star, i.e. positive, reviews);

I'm faced with a lot of dangerous situations at the nursing home. I give an order to move from the TV room to the cafeteria for a performance of the Tremonton 2nd Ward Primary Childrens' Chorus and the codgers immediately surround me, leaning threateningly on their walkers. It's a frightening situation to be in, one that always sends me scurrying to the crafts area, seeking the illusory protection of a pair of Fiskars 94917097 No. 5 Blunt Tip Scissors.

That was until I saw Lt. John Pike use this product to defang the threat of sprawling hippies at UC Davis. I immediately purchased a dozen cans. Now, not even the possibility of missing a Matlock rerun can prompt the residents to "go to the walkers."

As for mealtime, grandma no longer menaces me by shaking her mush spoon. Rather, she quickly wolfs her gruel down like a marriage defender getting the most out of a luggage handler, leaving me plenty of time for a long Postum break.

The best thing about this product is that, unlike a cattle prod, it's easy to hide when Uncle Orville's relatives drop in for a visit. No more arguments about what actually constitutes a threat.

Sure, the orange skin stains can be a problem, but that's easily explained away as a sleeping accident in the fingerpainting room.

I recommend it wholeheartedly. Heck, I'm even going to buy stock in the company. Lord knows that after Newt is elected, this product is going to be a godsend to any company faced with potentially violent labor actions launched by our new pre-pubescent workforce.

[firehorse]

33. Just read another one as a fragrance review... "a great fragrance for successful living"

Here it is too funny:

A great fragrance for successful living, November 23, 2011


This review is from: Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray (Misc.)
When you wear Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray, you convey irrefutable authority wherever you go! The complex blend of Blue Band and Red Band will give you confidence, and I found almost immediately after using it people began to do almost anything I said! Well, almost everybody. Sadly, you won't win over any of those hot protester women over with this one, it seems, being the hippies that they are, they are partial to patchouli and Defense Technology 56895 MK-9 Stream, 1.3% Red Band/1.3% Blue Band Pepper Spray only angers them. I hope Defense Technology keeps working on improving this already great product!