Akin: "I misspoke". (A commentary from The Onion News Network) :)

[Contrary1]

What I Meant To Say Is 'I Am Dumb As Dog Shit And I Am A Terrible Human Being'



As a politician, I often find myself in situations where, unfortunately, I express a certain thought or idea poorly, or find my words taken out of context. Indeed, that is what happened this weekend. Upon reviewing the impromptu remarks I made Sunday afternoon, I can now see that I used the wrong words in the wrong way. I would now like to set the record straight with the American people and clear up some confusion about what it was I intended to convey.

You see, what I said was, “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.” But what I meant to say was, “I am a worthless, moronic sack of shit and an utterly irredeemable human being who needs to shut up and go away forever.”

It is clear to me now that I did not choose my words with care and did not get across the point I was trying to convey. In hindsight, I guess instead of using the words “legitimate rape,” I should have used the words “I am an unforgivable, unrepentant, and unconscionable subhuman dickhead.” Or better yet, “I am an evil, fucked-up man who should never have been elected to the United States Congress, and anyone who would vote for me is probably a pretty big fucking dumbshit, too.” See how much more sense that makes? It’s amazing how a few key word changes can totally alter the meaning of a statement.

Because, of course, it’s all about context. And yes, when you take what I said out of context, I can see how it might sound like I’m denying that women can be impregnated via rape. This is, I assure you, not what I was trying to express at all. Such is the age we live in that one little sentence excerpted in a news report can come back to haunt a person in a pretty big hurry. But if you actually go back and look at the remarks closely, you’ll see that what I was actually trying to convey in my statement was that

(1) I am a big fucking idiot,
(2) I am a nauseating slug of a human being who doesn’t deserve to live, and
(3) I am essentially everything that’s wrong with this country and with humanity in general.

The rest: http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-misspokewhat-i-meant-to-say-is-i-am-dumb-as-dog,29256/

[No Elephants]

1. The GOP pulled his funding. Chuck Todd said that, by law, today is his last day to pull out of the

Senate race and, I guess, his Congressional seat is up for grabs.

Lawrence O'Donnell said that the idea that a woman who has been raped cannot become pregnant dates back to the 13th Century. However, very early in the thirteenth century, King John--one of the bad guys in the Robin Hood legend-- signed the Magna Carta. So, I am assuming that were more advanced then politically than we are today. Medically, not so much.

I used to think that I knew what the word "rape" meant. Now, I see I was mistaking about that. I would like to know which rapes are "legitimate" and which are NOT forcible.

[rpannier]

2. Medieval would fit

That's the direction republikkaners want to go