Republicans Rehearsing Grouchy Facial Expressions for State of the Union

[Contrary1]

:rofl:

Boehner Leads Weeklong Seminar

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Preparing for what most political insiders agree is their most important performance of the year, congressional Republicans have spent the past week rehearsing their grouchiest facial expressions for Tuesday’s State of the Union Address.

For seven grueling days, GOP congressmen have been behind closed doors, refining their best winces, grimaces, and other sourpuss mannerisms under the tutelage of Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Ohio).

“Looking like you’ve just sucked on a lemon is harder than it seems,” said Mr. Boehner. “It doesn’t come naturally for everyone like it does for Mitch McConnell.”

Mr. Boehner has been employing a “method acting” approach with his House colleagues, urging them to imagine “the most unpleasant thing they can think of – like Keith Olbermann being back on TV.”

But given the new vogue for “civility” that has swept Washington in recent weeks, Mr. Boehner is instructing House Republicans to restrain themselves from outbursts like that of Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC), who famously shouted “You lie!” during President Obama’s congressional address in 2009.

“If you feel an outburst coming on,” Mr. Boehner told his colleagues, “I ask that you instead limit yourself to a simple, tasteful jerking-off hand gesture.”

Mr. Boehner said that while he wants his Republican members to look as grumpy a possible throughout Mr. Obama’s speech, “I want them to show him the same respect we would show to any other foreign visitor to our shores.”

Immediately following the President’s speech, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis) will give the official Republican response, followed by Michele Bachmann (R-Minn), who will give the official moron response.

[krispos42]

1. It's funny 'cuz it's true

Although those people spend so much time being outraged about... anything that it comes pretty naturally.

[KansDem]

2. Who's shouting "You lie" this time?

Or is Joe "Keep It Classy" Wilson too much to follow?

[Kolesar]

3. Best Borowitz Report, ever...eom

[Richardo]

4. Onion-worthy

:rofl:

That's my highest praise for a piece of satire. :patriot:

[The Wielding Truth]

5. What is this look??? Honestly....hahaha

"If you feel an outburst coming on,” Mr. Boehner told his colleagues, “I ask that you instead limit yourself to a simple, tasteful jerking-off hand gesture.”

[JuniperLea]

6. This is as funny as the Joey Tribbiani Method of Acting!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0FoAilP1K0

[DirkGently]

7. Wonder if they'll wave the same fake "Republican Healthcare Plan" as last time.

[Sal Minella]

9. Only maybe this one will actually have some writing in it??? n/t

[gratuitous]

10. Random pages from local Chinese restaurant menus

That'll impress the rubes!

[DirkGently]

11. Probably too much to ask.

[ananda]

8. There's a difference between Republican and moron?

nt

[GroovyObama]

12. The Weeper of the house will practice his crying.

TanManOrangeMan Boner, the Weeper of the house is probably energetically
practicing his weeping out loud, to cry out loud during the whole
address so people cannot listen to Obama, but him. I would not doubt it,
hahahahaha