SATIRE from
http://www.TheDesperateBlogger.comThe recent controversy sparked by a class-action lawsuit filed in a federal court in California against Taco Bell has wafted all the way to Washington DC, where according to one observer, “… it’s polluting the chamber of the Republican caucus.”
Apparently, the majority party of the 112th Congress is at odds over the relative importance of ’substance’ versus ‘results’, and some are even having obvious trouble digesting the possibility of a relationship between an American fast food icon and a spike in illegal immigration. According to Newton Toomey, a senior staff member who spoke on condition of anonymity, “With all the blasts of hot air flying in every different direction because of this taco thing, the atmosphere inside the chamber has become almost unbearable.”
National Republican Campaign Committee chairman Pete Sessions told reporters earlier this week that he doesn’t, “… see what the problem would be even if the allegations leveled against Taco Bell proved to be true.” The Representative from Texas further elaborated, “What we sold the American people in the 2010 campaign had absolutely no meat — no substance — in it whatsoever. But look at the results. The people loved it, they ate it up, and they came back for more. We had the most successful Congressional campaign in American history, picking up 63 seats and winning back our rightful majority. If you give the people what they want and it’s obvious they like what you’re giving them, then what’s the difference if there’s any meat in it or not?”
House Speaker John Boehner, however, while not directly addressing Mr. Sessions’ comments, let rip with a scathing attack on any use of false or misleading advertising. Mr. Boehner, whose face coincidentally matches the ‘Flamin’ Hot (R) Fritos(R)’ currently featured in Taco Bell’s
‘Beefy Crunch Burrito’ was quoted in an interview with
The Daily Tanner newspaper as saying, “Transparency is equally important in both government and advertising. It has no place in our beef.”
Meanwhile, this latest controversy involving Taco Bell has also irritated the bowels of California Representative Darrell Issa. “I’ve been waiting to get a shot at that company for years,” the new chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee told representatives of the United Farm Workers Union. “You can’t tell me that the spike in illegal immigration over the last decade just ‘coincidentally’ followed the 2000 launch of their ‘Make a Run for the Border’ ad campaign. The whole thing stinks so much that I sometimes hold my nose just thinking about it.”
Issa further indicated that he may even take time away from his attempt to set a new record for Congressional investigations launched against a sitting President in a single term in order to investigate Taco Bell’s possible involvement in, or sponsorship of, human and/or artificial meat filler trafficking.
Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, whose new home actually sports a view of the Wasilla, Alaska Taco Bell franchise, has yet to comment on the controversy. According to media analyst M. Eileen O’Sullivan, “Unlike her fellow Fox News personalities who routinely let fly with whatever results from their ingesting the news of the day, Ms. Palin, in what could be an indication of possible future political ambitions, seemingly prefers to be perceived as ’silent but deadly’ on this issue.”
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