A little George Carlin humor for this Saturday

[littlejoe]

You know what would be great? To be in a coma. You're still alive, but you have no responsibilities.

"He owes me six thousand dollars."
"He's in a coma."
"Never mind."




You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.



When someone asks you what time it is, glance at your watch and say, "It's either six-fifteen, or Mickey has a hard-on."
Guaranteed they will ask someone else.


Sometimes, when you're burying a guy alive, for a moment or two you start feeling sorry for him. And then it passes and you keep on shovelling.


Wouldn't it be great if Dan Rather snuck up on Tom Brokaw during the news and stabbed him in the head?


Live and let live, that's what I say. Anyone who can't understand that should be killed. It's a simple philosophy, but it's worked well in our family.


Jesus doesn't really love you, but he thinks you have a great personality.


When you read about all the presidents who had affairs, you feel sorry for Gerald Ford. Apparently nobody wanted to fuck him. Except Betty. And she was drunk a lot.




Have a good day, people!