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If you are swinging you can accept that risk. As it is, he's blind and that's just unfair - and possibly even deadly. If she doesn't care enough to honor their vows (as they've made which is to be exclusive), then she won't care whether she's exposing him to disease.
Do it the anonymous way if that makes you feel better but do tell him.
If you think about the backside of this too, your guy friend may find out himself that you already knew. If/when that happens, he has a right to be damn pissed at both you and your wife for helping keep up the deception.
As a married woman of 25+ years as well, personally I'd want to know.
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