Welcome to the ULTIMATE WHOREFEST Reagan Beatification Extravaganza!!!!

[Beetwasher]

Welcome folks to the Reagan Beatification and Ultimate Whorefest Extravaganza!! Stick around! The BEST is yet to come!!!

We've got EVERYTHING Reagan! How about some Reagan toilet paper or suppositories?! Reagan boil lancers are 4 for a buck!! Nancy saved up Ronnie's turds for a whole year before he died and sealed them in wax! For only $49.99 they make a great paper weight! She also collected all his bedsores that fell off! I don't know what you can do with them, but they make great collectibles and are only $4.99 a piece!!! A bargain at any price!

Stick around for a while, the Chimp is going to give a euology which is the highlight of the affair. It's rumored that he will literally flay Reagan's corpse and don his skin Buffalo Bob style! Either that, or he's going to have him stuffed and lug him around the campaign trail for the next six months! You don't want to miss that! Step right up, or are you un-American?!

[madmax]

1. I've never seen anything like it.

MLK, RFK, and Kennedy's assasinations were horrific because they were young, and their deaths were sudden and violent.

Reagan's death at 93 after a 10 year long illness is just bizzaro.

[peekaloo]

2. One question

Has Hinckley requested a "supervised visit" yet?

:evilgrin:

[maveric]

44. Ohh Baybeee!! I was waiting for a Hinckley reference. <rimshot>

He'll be supervised by Poppy & Babs.

[PaDUer]

51. Don't forget that both

bushitas are giving the speech/eulogy..I wonder what Nancy thinks about that?

[montanacowboy]

3. I could'nt have said it better Beetwasher

Now this morning I hear a move is on to name the Pentagon after him...well, why not? under his watch weren't they charging $100 for toilet seats? Also, the $20 bill and maybe the $10 bill and removing FDR from the dime, and the Rush is on to Mt Rushmore!!! Why not just this - rename the country the United States of Reagan -

And no Dems are allowed to speak at the holy funeral...

Why is it so hard for me to understand why Americans continue to vote and perpetuate against their own best interests?

[Beetwasher]

4. Reagan=America and Jesus All Wrapped Up One!

All praise the mighty Reagan-Christ!! Savior of American's from the heathens!

[lapislzi]

5. note to self

get hair shirt back from dry cleaner.

It is obvious that I am insufficiently grieved and require a higher level of self-flagellation to acheive the appropriate level of histrionic despair.

[Beetwasher]

9. Report To Re-Education Immediately!

and have a picture of Reagan tatooed on your chest! That oughta do it!

[lapislzi]

36. tattoo not painful enough

maybe "gipper nipple clippers" for the hard-core non-grievers like myself.

[Beetwasher]

37. Excellent Choice!! May I Suggest The Optional Battery Cables?

Nipple Clips are $24.99, Cables and battery are an additional $15.99!

Come for the resurrection, stay for the ketchup snacks and LOW LOW prices!!

May Reagan bless you!

[lapislzi]

38. I'd like a side of Gipper Slippers

2 or 3 sizes smaller than I would normally take.

Stick around; I'll show you the kitty litter clump in the shape of Reagan's head. It's a holy relic.

[Beetwasher]

39. Made from 100% Authentic BABY SEALS!!!

Yessir, you DO know quality when you see it! As you can see, they bend the foot to an impossible angle and hold it in place with razor blades and a vice!!!

Only $299.99!!!

May the Reagan-Christ bless you!!!

[lapislzi]

42. Those baby seals were homeless by choice, right?

Or are they the welfare-queen type?

Trying...trying...trying...no, false alarm. It was a crocodile tear.

[Beetwasher]

43. They Were Vicious Killers Bent On Destruction!!!

They were clubbed to death in self defense and probably terrorists to boot!

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

6. NEW! Bedsore Gun! NEW!

[Beetwasher]

7. I Had One of Those!!

They were cool!

[RUMMYisFROSTED]

10. But the discs got lost too easily.

Thankfully, that problem is now solved. :party:

[Beetwasher]

11. Just For You Sir! 5 Bedsores for $24.95!

What a bargain! You'll have that gun loaded for fun in no time! Think how much fun the kids will have shooting the late great Ronald Reagan's bed sore scabs at eachother! It's not just fun, it's educational and part of history!!

[LittleApple81]

8. I call it the Reagan repug diarrhea. n/t

[Beetwasher]

13. Ahhh, Just for You Little Lady!

Speaking of Reagan Repug Diarrhea, we have the Gippers used Depends, and for only $14.99 a piece! You can't beat that price anywhere! Get 'em while their still warm!

[emalejim9]

12. city council declares city holiday

I work for a city agency and last night the Council unanimously approved a City holidy on Friday. The City is a very conservative community. In perspective, there are only four minorities that work in City Hall which totals at least 150-200 people.

Not to sound sick, I can not wait for one of our guys to pass. Of course the Repukes will use some hypocritical reason not to mourn in the same capacity that we are now experiencing.

[Beetwasher]

14. Remember the Wellstone Memorial?

'nuff said...

[TahitiNut]

15. Both JFK and LBJ were buried THREE DAYS after they died.

JFK was killed in Dallas on November 22, 1963 and buried at Arlington National Cemetery on November 25, 1963.
LBJ died of a heart attack on January 22, 1973 and buried in Johnson City, Texas on January 25, 1973.

Both were unexpected. Both required transport to/from Washington. Both were "state" funerals.

Six days for Reagan? Bullshit!

[Beetwasher]

16. They Were Not Reagan! Reagan Deserves BETTER!!

Did they ever walk on water or singlehandedly defeat the Evil Empire? Nope! But Reagan did!! Now that Reagan's at the right hand of god in heaven, you'll wish you thought differently!!

Get with the program! You need something to remind you how great Reagan was! How about some of his toe nail clippings? Only $2.99 a piece and they make great pendants!

[madmax]

17. Wow TahitiNut

You know your facts! Amazing isn't it? Johnson and JFK at least tried to implement good social programs. Johonson's vision for a Great Society was side tracked because of Viet Nam. A pity.

[Paranoid_Portlander]

66. LBJ died just 5 days before...

... the end of the Vietnam war was announced, to go into effect two months later.

[Beetwasher]

68. No Discussion Of Democrats Allowed!! Buy Something Or GET OUT!

The Bathroom is for customers ONLY!!!

How about a Gipper-Pooper-Scooper? Only $49.99!!

[jesus]

27. No, see...

They're filming the remake of Weekend at Bernie's. They're going to carry him around the country, like a pickled fetus to the county fair, and prop him up like Bernie.

And BW, I'll take one of each. Just charge it to the taxpayer.

[Beetwasher]

58. CASH ONLY!

Sorry, and no refunds!

May the Reagan-Christ Bless You!!

[anarchy1999]

18. Thank god for DU - if it were not for DU I would already have slashed

my wrists and driven off a cliff, and it is only Wednesday. I even tried to lose a day and my husband had to remind me this morning, it is only Wednesday. S#$#$! How many more days do we have to go? Are we going to be subjected to watching the jet fly all the way across the US to Washington by satellite? Gee, I sure hope so, not sure I can withstand St.Reagan out of my sight for very long..........

Okay, sorry, sarcasm button off now.

Proper respect being shown now. Sorry.

[Beetwasher]

22. I Have JUST The Thing For Your Problem! SPECIAL LIMITED OFFER!!!

"Gee, I sure hope so, not sure I can withstand St.Reagan out of my sight for very long.........."

You are not alone sir! We have a brand new product, just approved after intensive, painful animal testing for use in humans! The Retinal Image Projector (RIP)!!! Now fully uploaded with images of The Reagan-Christ to be directly projected onto your retinas through the miracle of laser technology developed by Reagan himself when he singlehandedly created the Star Wars Missile Defense System! This amazing technology, invented by the Gip himself, can be yours for a mere $1,499.99! The surgery for implantation is included in this limited offer! The surgery is no more painful than your average colonoscopy and there's only a 64% chance of permanent blindness, but that risk is nothing compared to the benefits of being able to constantly see the face of our beloved Reagan-Christ superimposed over everything! And the amazing thing is, it NEVER stops, even when you're sleeping! Every moment of your life, sleeping, waking and even comatose will be enhanced by the ever present visage of the Reagan-Christ! Get it now while this special offer lasts!

[anarchy1999]

26. Oh, thank you so much, do you have a special 2 for 1 offer?

I haven't laughed so much in days. Thank you for the relief. And yes, please get back to us on the 2 for 1.......

On edit:

We are saved, I already know it. Thank you again. How many hours do we have to wait until delivered?

[Beetwasher]

30. How About This JUST FOR YOU!!!

Two RIP's, plus two surgical procedures for a mere $2,999.98!!! Best price anywhere!!!

It's an outpatient procudure performed on the premises in our tent, but I recommend that you bring a friend or a seeing eye dog, just in case!

Salvation is coming! Come for the resurrection, but stay for our LOW LOW prices!!

[anarchy1999]

31. Okay, we're in, do you have PAYPAL?

And how soon can we schedule? Needed quickly seeing as how we live in the heart of the beast. We need help fast. Tomorrow good for you?

[Beetwasher]

32. Tomorrow's Fine! Just Come on Down Anytime and BRING CASH!

NO PENNIES!! It's in the big tent next to the casket!

[anarchy1999]

60. Tomorrow's no good. How's midnight?

This is Mr. A99. My wife is running a charge to your PayPal account for an operation?

Great! I love operations.


I can swing the $2499.99 (Low price- nice!) But that's for the twofer, right? Sweeeeet.

My fear is that I will not remember most of what I've seen this week. I can feel it already draining away. I'm feeling weak. I need my fix. This will be GUARANTEED to bring me the absolute best version of the coverage that's been playing this week?

(Oh, and instead of ice cream after, can we get ketchup? Thx.)

OK. Thanks.

[Beetwasher]

62. We're Open 24/7!!! You Can't Miss Us!

I just installed a giant 50 foot animatronic neon image of the Reagan Christ in front of the tent!! He's giving us all the thumbs up and a charismatic wink!!

The implants will only be of the wholy image of the Reagan-Christ, unfortunately. But version 2.0 is in the works that will feature looped videos of the Reagan-Christs greatest sermons! Audio included! Of course, the upgrade will be available for a a LOW LOW price!! I will let you know when it's available!

May the Reagan-Christ bless you!

[FarLeftRage]

19. Thanks, but no...

I'll pass on this almighty ray-gun circle-jerk.

[Beetwasher]

24. Get The Spirit! That's No Way To Revere the Reagan-Christ!!

He died for YOU!!! So buy something already or get out! The bathrooms are for customers only!

[FarLeftRage]

28. Gee, what should I buy?

toilet paper??

[Beetwasher]

35. That Certainly is a Popular One!!

One roll for $19.99 or the jumbo pack of 6 at the bargain price of $119.94!!! Why spend your time in the bathroom alone, when you can have the company of the beaming, glorious face of the Reagan-Christ watching your every movement!!!

[moondust]

20. How much to get in mister?

Are they really cloning the old geezer and embalming him for future generations to see?

[Beetwasher]

25. Only $25!!!

And well worth every penny! See the exhibits, including the mysterious, miraculous hemmorhoid donut cushion!

Have fun! Get edumacated! Eat some ketchup! Get a piece of the Reagan-Christ while they last! They're going quick!

Clones and embalming are NOT necessary!

It's rumored that the main event might be a resurrection itself! Watch with your very own eyes as the Reagan-Christ rises and ascends straight to the right hand of god!!

[moondust]

45. Geee. What a deal!

Pa drops $10 down at church every Sunday and we ain't never seen nuthin like that.

[Beetwasher]

48. A Bargain At Any Price!!! Wait Until You See The Vegetables!!!

We have a turnip that is the spitting image of the Reagan-Christ!!!

[VolcanoJen]

21. Laura Ingraham: "I Lost It In The Makeup Room"

Oh, lower your eyebrows, cynics!! She meant that she lost all control of her emotions while preparing for her rhapsodic waxings with Leslie "Wolf" Blitzer on CNN.

Laura just informed the world that when she heard the Marine Band play "Amazing Grace" as Reagan's casket was being loaded onto the plane, she crumbled into tears, while getting her face touched-up.

Leslie Blitzer added "You weren't alone, Laura. I'm sure many other Americans did, too."

It's hard to believe they can keep a straight face, honestly.

[Beetwasher]

29. Yes, We All Feel The Loss! That's Why I Feel I'm Providing A Much

Needed service! Here at the Reagan Beatification Ultimate Whorefest Extravaganza! We can all grieve at the loss but celebrate the life of the Reagan-Christ, while we await the main event! It's rumored that that the Reagan-Christ will be resurrected during the Chimp's eulogy and ascend straight to the right hand of god!

In the meantime, come on in and see the exhibits!! You won't want to miss the incredible toothbrush display!! All of the Reagan-Christ's toothbrushes from 1989-present were saved by his maid and are on display!!!

Don't miss it! Grab a good spot! You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll get edumacated, you'll eat lot's of nutritious ketchup!!

Come for the resurrection, but stay for our LOW LOW PRICES!!!

[buddhamama]

34. amazing grace always makes me cry

it has that effect on a lot of people.

that's why they play at funerals,
so people will cry.

the song is very fitting for Ronnie.

He's gonna need some "amazing grace"

[Beetwasher]

40. I Bet You Didn't Know That the Reagan-Christ Wrote That Song!!

Yup, just a little factoid you'd learn if you come on down!

You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll get edumacated!!! See the exhibits!! We've got a whole section dedicated to the Reagan-Christ's top ten billboard hits!!!

May the Reagan-Christ bless you!

[greekspeak]

23. I think it hit a new low

Last night I was doing AM radio DXing (searching for radio stations on the AM band from far away cities, so you can say you heard the station)and some FAUX affiliate was carrying a report describing the catafalque upon which the Beatified was to lie in state. This was immediately preceded by a hyperbolic description of the mass of humanity clamouring to see the body at the library. I finally moved on down the line to the next station. No wonder even Reagan lovers are tired of it.

On a more mundane side note, I live in Tallahassee, FL and recieved AM 1190 WOWO in Fort Wayne, Indiana. I was pretty stoked.

[Beetwasher]

46. Did You Know That The Reagan-Christ Invented That!!!

He was the first one to do it!!! And he even did it WITHOUT A RADIO!!!

Come see first hand the glory of the Reagan-Christ! Inventor of AM Radio DXing!!!

May the Reagan-Christ bless you!!

[greekspeak]

47. May the Holy Quaternity Bless You Too!

In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit, and Ronnie.

Just thought of something...if they make a pit stop in Alabama with the Holy Remains of the Inviolable St. Ronald, will he make the 1 ton Commandment Idol of Montgomery take on an angelic white glow of holiness?

[Beetwasher]

49. Ahh, Thank You My Child!

That angelic white glow you speak of is spreading from the Reagan-Christ's body as we speak!! Or perhaps it's just gas...

[greekspeak]

50. Are you suggesting that the Christ-Reagan has the Vapors?

Blasphemy! You are going to get excommunicated from the Church! No more Ketchup and Jelly Bean Communion Elements for you! :-)

[Beetwasher]

52. The HOLY Vapors!

The miasmic stench is enough to make you cry tears of holy joy!!! I'm bottling it now! $10.99 a bottle!!

[greekspeak]

53. I am not going to be happy until

The rabid mob of fundamentalists rip apart the corpse of Reagan like their counterparts did in Iran when Khohomeni died. Where is their SPIRIT?!? Where is their FAITH?!?!

And I would go at least $12.50 on those bottles of Reagan-Christ vapors now with Extra Licorice Jelly Bean scent. Damn him and his love of licorice jelly beans. I shall never be able to eat another without thinking of him. They are my favorite TOO! :-(

[Beetwasher]

54. I've Been Saving Something Special For The Right Customer!

And I think you fit the bill!!

Partially digested Licorice Jelly beans straight from the bowels of the Reagan-Christ himself!! He died before he could finish digesting them! Make me an offer!

[Neshanic]

33. Hair pulling, screeching; they will fling themselves in the grave with him

[Beetwasher]

55. As Is Only Proper!!

For those who wish eternal rest with our savior, the Reagan-Christ, we offer "special" services. Catalogues are available upon request!!

I would opt for this myself if I didn't have my higher calling in providing the services that I do!!

[genius]

41. Well said.

[Beetwasher]

64. Nothing For You Sir?

Don't be unamerican!!!

We have a sale on Cherry Flaovored Reagan-Christ panty liners!!! The little lady will LOVE 'em!!!

[greatauntoftriplets]

56. Do you have any paintings....

...of St. Ronnie walking on water?

[Beetwasher]

57. Oh Boy! Do We Have Paintings!

I've got a whole wing of the tent dedicated to paintings!!!

I have just what you're looking for!! The Reagan-Christ captured in exquisite detail, glowing angelically, walking unassisted over the Potomac! Oil on Velvet! Only $499.99! Painted by the master of the oil on velvet medium Roberto Maria Jose Cruz De La Vega! These are numbered originals!!

[Skittles]

59. FOX News said we are "enduring" Reagan's death

they f***ing got that right.

[buddhamama]

61. heh-- is that anything like "Enduring Freedom"

cause we've done that as well.

[Beetwasher]

63. Welcome Back My Friends! To the Show That Never Ends!

We're so glad you could attend! Come inside! Come inside!

Come see the newly erected 50 foot animatronic glowing neon Reagan-Christ!! He winks and smiles and his head turns and he's giving us all the THUMBS UP!!! You don't want miss it!!

[buddhamama]

65. what should we tell the children?

some of your displays are just down right scary!

[Beetwasher]

67. I Disagree! Children LOVE THE EXTRAVAGANZA!!!

How can one not stand in awe of the shining benevolence of the Reagan-Christ and his child-like innocence!

Children have a special place at the Reagan Beatification Ultimate Whorefest Extravaganza!!

Why, just come on down and join us in the child friendly section of the tent where we have the "build your own AK47" exhibit! Just like the Reagan-Christ would have wanted it! There's also the the hourly reading of J.K. Bowling's smash Children book hit and Reagan-Christ favorite "Don't Be A Homo When You Grow Up And Die From AIDS!" Also on sale today, w/ copies personally signed by The Reagan-Christ's Mortician!!! Only $59.99!!

[Beetwasher]

69. Come See the 50FT ANIMATRONIC GLOWING NEON REAGAN-CHRIST!!

Newly erected! He smiles! He waves! He winks and gives you the thumbs up!!

Don't miss it!

[Beetwasher]

70. Today's The Big Day!!

Don't Miss Out on All the Festvities!!!

Will the Reagan-Christ rise up and be resurrected and take his proper place at the right hand of god? Will the De Feuhrer..err, I mean Bush flay him and don his skin? Will Bush morph into the Reagan-Christ in front of our very eyes? Will he have the corpse stuffed and lug it around the campaign trail? Tune in!!! What are you un-American or something!!!

[mopaul]

71. .......................

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

72. You know, I was wondering.....

when Ronnie was made a saint.
This onslaught of panegyric enconiums is nauseating. All I remember from his administration is :
200+ dead Marines in Lebanon
Ketchup is a vegetable
Using the highest office in the land to break the air traffic controllers union
One tree looks like another (or why he thought it ok to log giant Sequoias)
Joking about using nuclear weapons
and too many more to list........