Who is the least funniest stand-up comedian ever?

[terrya]

Gotta go with Jack E. Leonard. I remembered him from "The Ed Sullivan Show". Almost painfully unfunny.

[taterguy]

1. Lenny Bruce

[jpgray]

84. Some of his stuff is so steeped in 60s references it's inaccessible

But a lot of it is pure genius--for all-context funny I recommend a recording called "The Law, Language and Lenny Bruce." Also the Original Masters series of his has a great second disk, drawn from togetherness and other albums which is very funny--just look at this album cover. :D

[asthmaticeog]

2. Buddy Hackett.

Hands down.

Worse than Dane Cook. Worse than Carlos Mencia. Worse than Larry the fucking Cable Guy, even.

[MonkeyFunk]

5. Buddy Hackett rocked!

Dane Cook is far worse.

But Bob Hope takes the All-Time Suckiest Comedian award.

[terrya]

6. I never thought Buddy Hackett was funny.

And you're right...he was even worse than Larry the Cable Guy. Which is saying quite a bit....

[jobycom]

102. I know funny. You don't know funny. Although Dane Cook is very, very bad.

Buddy Hackett was hilarious. At his best he made Richard Pryor blush.

[slj0101]

3. Brad Stine.

RW Evangelical comic. Sucks neverending anus.

[mcscajun]

109. Brad Stine - hands down.

I said hands down! Nobody applaud this waste of oxygen.

[Zuiderelle]

4. This guy:

[JackBeck]

7. Ah! You should have included a "Warning: Graphic Pic Inside" in your subject line.

[Blue-Jay]

11. Warning: Graphic Pic Inside

[JackBeck]

13. Why, oh why did I look?

Please tell me that's not his body.

[crim son]

37. I was just thinking that if somebody would cut off his head

he'd be okay.

[JackBeck]

41. His abs are OK.

His face looks like he has "transitioned".

That picture almost made me straight.

[crim son]

50. hehe.

If I the choice between any woman and him, I'd take any woman... nice abs or not.

[idgiehkt]

145. I've actually thought that his act was very funny sometimes

he's interesting looking.

[MonkeyFunk]

8. .....

Dennis Kucinich.

[kmla]

9. I'd have to go with a couple of selections, actually.

Toss up between Jackie Mason and Jimmie "JJ" Walker. Not because they are both right-wing twits (although that adds to the unlikability factor), but simply because they just aren't very funny.

How unfunny are they? Given the choice between watching their stand-up routines or watching a Pauly Shore movie - I'd pick the Pauly Shore movie.

They're THAT unfunny.

Edited for bad spellin'. I'm not gellin'.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

10. Dane "If I was ugly, I'd have no career" Cook.

:puke:

[Strawman]

15. Yeah. I don't get his popularity at all

I watched his HBO special and it was all spectacle and nothing really funny at the core. It was like people in the audience were just laughing out of peer pressure or something.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

19. Plus, he's one of those loud talkers.

I absolutely hate unnecessarily loud people. :mad:

[Marie26]

63. What's up with that?

His SNL monologue was so bad, but the audience kept laughing hysterically. It's almost like they're laughing because they think he's the cool guy - total throwback to high school.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

68. You nailed it.

In fairness, from what I've heard, he's a nice guy, but then again, a lot of the great comedians were pricks, so there you go.

[peekaloo]

99. second opinion

he's ugly, too.

:P

[Starbucks Anarchist]

136. LOL.

But compared to your average comedian, he's probably one of the better-looking ones.

Ugly people tend to be funnier. :D

[LibraLiz1973]

121. "Someone shit on the coats"

I have to say, I like him.
But I think he is becoming LESS FUNNY as time goes on. His latest SnL appearance was painful & I was really dissapointed in the HBO special.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

12. Gallagher

[Blue-Jay]

14. Noel or Liam?

[asthmaticeog]

16. True: I was once in the front row for a Gallagher show.

I was 14, tops, so I think I was *allowed* to find him hiLARious. Also, I got totally drenched in sledgehammered stuff. You probably guessed that.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

46. I used to like you

oh well

[bif]

17. Bob Hope

The world's most unfunny man.

[ironflange]

27. Strange thing about Bob Hope

When he was just speaking off the cuff, he was a very funny and clever guy. But, for some reason, if he was acting, doing standup, i.e. anything scripted, he stunk. Just plain stunk.

[judaspriestess]

18. Dana Carvey

[CanuckAmok]

20. Yakov Smirnov, David Spade, Bob Hope. Hard to pick just one.

[CanuckAmok]

21. How about Geri from "Facts of Life"?

[Blue-Jay]

22. *snort*

[ironflange]

23. Dave Coulier

That's better.

[judaspriestess]

24. george bush jr.

he has got to be the worst!! he tries to be a comedian to deflect from answering questions. asshole

[idgiehkt]

25. Lisa Lampinelli

I hope someday someone beats her up.

[Danger Mouse]

81. I love her! She's such an awful person...

I laugh at her because her soul is withered and black inside, like a Republican.

[JVS]

138. She sucks! I'd wish that she'd have a Michael Richards style meltdown, but nobody...

would be able to distinguish that from her regular act.

[idgiehkt]

144. so very true

i can't wait for this anti-p.c. trend to stop so that she can get the hell beat out of her.

[sniffa]

26. pauLa poundstone

[tigereye]

76. oh, we saw Poundstone and laughed until our faces hurt

oh well, to each his own.

[momophile]

28. howie mandel

I hated the way he picked on audience members.

[hyphenate]

29. I guess I'm not too thrilled

with most of them, since I don't care for stand-up in the first place. I sort of cringe whenever I've seen it, because there is usually something embarrassing about it.

However, saying that, I care for Jerry Lewis the least because of what he said a few years ago about comediennes:

....A member of the audience asked Lewis which female comics he admires. "I don't like any female comedians," Lewis said. Moderator and fellow comedian Martin Short reminded Lewis about Lucille Ball. "You must have loved her," he said. "No...A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit," Lewis replied, "I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies into the world."

[Mad_Dem_X]

39. Yeah, that turned me off JL for good

That quote right there.

[Squatch]

30. Michael Richards

[Richardo]

31. Jim Breuer

God that guy is horrible.

[underpants]

43. He had a very funny bit about drinking

"No no everyone's got to go! No no not that way, the way you came in!!"

:puke:
Oh and Goat boy was wildly weird and funny at the same time but that wasn't really standup.

Most unfunny for me would have to be Garafalo I just never thought she was funny and the reading from a scrap of paper did nothing to change that.

Jackie Mason has just gotten downright weird.

[Susang]

32. Carrot Top

God, I hate that man. x(

[Rambis]

38. pic for ya

What has he done to his face the roids must be doing weird things to him?

[Susang]

47. MY EYES!!!!!!!

Why did you have to do that to me? :cry:

[Rambis]

52. Sorry

I saw some pic of him the other day and I didn't recognize his face and this eyebrows looked like they were tattooed on our something it was freaky. Kinda like Melanie Griffith without makeup.

[ScreamingMeemie]

33. Roseanne...

Yuck, just really... yuck.

[Rosemary2205]

110. Now see, I "get" Roseanne Barr

Loved her TV show and still try to catch a rerun every once in a while. I was raised in an integrated neighborhood of solidly lower blue collar families and it just speaks reality to me.

[ScreamingMeemie]

113. I was raised pretty much the same, and am married to blue collar,

and I just don't like her brand of comedy. Although David, on the show, is a wonderful actor.

***Born in Milwaukee, WI... now in Detroit, MI. Solid blue collar. Yes, the bar is typical, but not the home life, at least for me.

[Orsino]

151. She was once awesome...

...but her recent stand-up special was mostly unfunny.

[PVnRT]

34. Jerry Seinfeld or Bob Sagat

n/t

[ProfessorGAC]

42. Did You Ever See Sagat In His Early Days?

Before he became a "family friendly" comic, he had some serious edginess. His language was COMPLETELY unihibited. Closer to Eddie Murphy than what he became.
The Professor

[PVnRT]

45. Apparently not

I have a hard time imagining Bob Sagat saying "fuck."

[Beaverhausen]

48. then you must rent "The Aristocrats"

You won't believe what comes out of his mouth!

[ghostsofgiants]

75. Here you go...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_cKCK6Blv0&NR

[Danger Mouse]

82. That killed me.

I am dead now.
The rusty trombone always is good for a laugh...

[ghostsofgiants]

92. Rusty trombone is okay...

But it'd be better if they'd mentioned the Angry Pirate.

[Danger Mouse]

98. That one I do not know...

let me just say that Andy Dick is a little too into describing felching...it's kind of unsettling...

[ghostsofgiants]

106. Urbandictionary.com is your friend.

I only learned about it yesterday during a hilarious lunchtime conversation with friends that resulted in one of them shouting out "WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT A DONKEY PUNCH IS?!" in a crowded food court, haha.

[Danger Mouse]

112. I love donkey punching.

Always cracks me up, just thinking about it...

[LibraLiz1973]

123. Have you ever heard of the "Tony Danza"?

The Tony Danza is when you are b*lls-deep in a woman from behind and while ramming her mercilessly, you proceed to yell, "Who's the boss?! Who's the boss, bitch?!" Typically, she will yell, "You are!" at which point you turn her around, slap her with your cock and yell, "No. Tony Danza's the boss, bitch"


www.urbandictionary.com

[Danger Mouse]

125. Now THAT is classy.

nt

[LibraLiz1973]

126. the first time I read that I almost peed my pants

If a guy did that to me, I'd flip

but laugh about it for years

[Danger Mouse]

127. He'd have to be one hell of a bold guy to do that...

donky punching, though, is an act of pure love. Second only to giving the gift that keeps on giving: a dick in a box.

[LibraLiz1973]

130. Step one... cut a hole in the box

Step 2.. put your junk in that box

[ProfessorGAC]

54. I Thought You Might Say That

Yet, his demeanor was much like it was on "Home Videos". Very subdued, then the most outrageous stuff would come out of his mouth. He isn't funny anymore, but he used to be.
The Professor

[NYCGirl]

55. Most other comics consider Saget to have the dirtiest mouth in show business.

http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/8957319/bob_saget/

Bob Saget is relaxing on the beach in Miami, shaded from the sun and heat by a cabana and letting his head spin. Once, everybody thought he was Mr. Wholesome, a reputation based on his role as the goody-two-shoes dad on TV's Full House (also starring those Olsen twins) and the grinning, cheeseball host of America's Funniest Home Videos. In recent days, though, he's revealed himself to be filthy almost beyond words, so filthy that almost he can't believe it -- maybe the filthiest comic out there, with amazing effects on his stand-up career. "Everywhere I go, I'm selling out," he says, dazed. "Kids are yelling my last name now, which I used to be made fun of my whole childhood, because it rhymes with so much shit, like 'faggot' and 'maggot.'"

How this turnaround happened is he took part in the movie The Aristocrats, the dirty-joke documentary, and out-dirtied everyone. " takes out his penis . . . then just starts smacking his kids with it, flicks 'em like a wet towel at the gym, and he knocks one of his kids in the eye, and the kid's eye pops out," he said during his performance. "Well, he looks at that as an opportunity, mind you . . ." After which, he'd get that goofy-looking Bob Saget grin on his face and say, "I can't believe I'm saying this. This is going to kill my career!"

[ghostsofgiants]

74. Check this out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1B_n9YaAMmg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jj26FG1hLMQ

[Danger Mouse]

85. Saget rocks...I used to watch 'Full House' as a kid..

and I hated him on the show...he seemed like such a pussy...glad to see that in reality, he's one dirty motherfucker.
God bless him.

[JVS]

139. Bob Saget has made jokes about beating his son so hard that his eyeball fell out...

and then deliberating whether to have sex with the empty socket. The man has a fucking crude side.

[LibraLiz1973]

122. he's filthy now too

[ronnykmarshall]

35. Dennis Miller

[kwassa]

64. an empty suit pompous egocentric poseur if ever there was one.

[johnnie]

36. Was Jerry Lewis stand-up?

That dude is about as funny as a blood clot.

And Bill Cosby never once made me laugh.

[Strawman]

40. I don't think he ever did "stand up"

More of a comedic entertainer or a nightclub act when he does theater shows.

My best friend and I saw him do a show on St. Patty's day at the local community college auditorium over 10 years ago. We were the youngest people in the crowd by a good thirty years. I think he's really funny. The original Nutty Professor is one of my favorite comedies.

[BuelahWitch]

62. He and Dean Martin had a nightclub act in the '50s

They were VERY funny and very popular. Alot of their act can be seen on the old Colgate Comedy Hour TV show. Their movies WEREN'T funny, because Paramount didn't' understand the act, and Jerry wasn't near as funny without Dean, but together they were a hoot.

[Zavulon]

44. Definitely Dane Cook.

I'm not sure the man has ever told a funny joke. Ever.

[mcctatas]

141. I can't stand him...

my brother loves him...of course my brother is a freeper, so he wouldn't know funny if it gave him herpes!

[Beaverhausen]

49. Gilbert Gottfried

Not sure if he does stand up - I just know he isn't funny.

[Broken_Hero]

51. George Carlin

and Eddie Murphy my second...

[Evoman]

56. Your kidding, right?

They are both brilliant comedians. Granted neither of them are as funny as Dane Cook or Dave Coulier...but man....seriously.

On edit: Yes, I am kidding about Dane Cook and Dave. They both suck donkey dick.

[Broken_Hero]

59. I know you are kidding...

Cause I dislike Dane badly, and didn't know the other guy....:D My sense of humor/sarcasm meter, does work....:D

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

53. Josie Long

Pray that that's the first and last time you hear of her. She somehow won the best newcomer award at last years Edinburgh festival and is getting a bizarre amount of acclaim from people I otherwise respect.

If anybody wants proof of her uselessness, she turns up for about five minutes at this link:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/looseends.shtml

but I can't remember how far in.

[Dastard Stepchild]

65. We were at the Fringe this year...

And we kept hearing a buzz about her from loads of people. Never saw her perform, though. Perhaps that was a good thing. :)

We saw Russell Kane's Theory of Pretension... he was up for the eddie, too. I liked that show.

[edbermac]

57. Nikita Khrushchev

Never laughed at any of his jokes.

[NewWaveChick1981]

58. Pauly Shore, Yakov Smirnoff, and Buddy Hackett...

...to name just a few. :eyes:

[jobycom]

103. Again with Buddy Hackett. You can't have seen him much.

I've never seen a funnier routine than one he did back in the 80s.

[Initech]

60. Blue Collar Comedy Tour. Pick one - Larry The Cable Guy, Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall...

[Bake]

70. Aw c'mon ... the Blue Collar Guys are OK

Maybe you don't get Southern humor. Ron White is hysterical. Foxworthy is OK.

Bake

[Initech]

80. Ron White is pretty funny, but Larry The Cable Guy... blech.

There is a reason why Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector is on IMDB's worst movies ever list:

http://www.imdb.com/bottom_100_films

[Marie26]

61. Larry the Cable Guy

"Get'r Done!" One catch phrase & million bad jokes.

[Redbear]

66. Yes he is very bad.

I guess he is so bad a lot of people identify with him.

[Dastard Stepchild]

67. Mmmm.. it's worse than that...

It's actually spelled:

"Git-r-done."

Is there a "shudders uncontrollably" smilie?

[Marie26]

78. *shudders*

Will this work? :scared: I actually know a guy who uses that phrase & thinks it's funny. It just makes me sort of cringe.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

77. I have a hard time getting upset at Larry the Cable Guy.

Dude's career is already over. Shit, he lasted shorter than Ernest.

[azmouse]

69. Andrew Dice Clay

[blockhead]

79. second that one. n/t

[Catfight]

90. 3rd Andrew Racist Clay. n/t

[KitchenWitch]

140. Yes, Andrew Dice Clay, by a longshot.

Racist punk.

[Beausoir]

71. My cousin Billy. Seriously. He tried for years to make it out to L.A. with his comedy.

God he was unfunny.

[fudge stripe cookays]

107. His last name's not Foster is it?

And did he live in Denton, Texas?

God what a POS loser. If he's you're cousin, I AM sorry, but he is.

[Beausoir]

135. Nope...that's not him. My cousin has flame red hair and is nearly 60 years old.

Works at Walmart and is one of the biggest losers of all time.

[fudge stripe cookays]

146. Aha.

This guy is blonde and about 30-35-- last time I saw him he had a Van Dyke beard, and was living in his father's basement in Illinois.

I'm HOPING that he works at wal-Mart. He was a fry cook, so I'm hoping he's frying burgers at the snack bar.

Loser.

[Roon]

72. None of them are funny

Of course, I lost my sense of humor after my last breakup..so go figure.

[AngryAmish]

73. Bill Cartwright

<>

[pokerfan]

83. Andy Dick

His name fits.

[jpgray]

86. Colin Quinn

[terrya]

89. Oy...that's a good choice.

I consider Colin Quinn the Un-comedian.

[Danger Mouse]

87. I would vote for Carlos Mencia...he can eat shit and die.

He's a fucking toad. I guess making noises like a retarded person and making fun of ethnic stereotypes are considered 'comedy gold' by some.

[Danger Mouse]

88. For that matter, I fucking hate Eddie Izzard...

...and could never understand what people see in him.

[EFerrari]

119. I love Eddie Izzard. He is a genius.

And I could listen to him and watch him for hours and did on New Years Eve. :)

[Danger Mouse]

124. Meh...for a genius I find him to be a bore.

Wow, he's so CLEVER. Yeah, he's clever. Too bad he forgot to be funny somewhere in be there. Yet people love him. Oh well.

[EFerrari]

131. Yeah, people love him. Loser.

Last time I looked, that's what every stand up I've ever met was looking for.

lol

[Danger Mouse]

132. I'm just saying that people love him but...

...I don't see the attraction. I just don't find him funny.

[EFerrari]

133. Most stand ups aren't funny. Charming, manipulative, clever

surprising. Funny, only on special occasions.

But, that's certainly a valid response to the guy.

[fudge stripe cookays]

108. I'm with ya.

I hate that fucking asshole.

[Danger Mouse]

118. Woohoo! I'm so happy!

I thought my friend Alan and I were the ONLY PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH who can't stand that obnoxious prick.

[k_jerome]

91. Dane Cook. nt.

[hippywife]

93. Emo Phillips, Gilbert Godfried, Ron White and

Larry the Cable Guy. All of them sooooo not funny!

[tuvor]

128. I like Emo's bait-and-switch style a lot:

"I found my girlfriend in bed with another man. I was crushed. I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"

Gilbert often makes me laugh, too.

I'm off to check out this Ron White guy. Unless he's like Larry the Cable Guy, that is. You hit the money on that one.

[hippywife]

148. He's worse

than Larry the Cable Guy. He's a drunken, mysoginistic ass. Only a woman with no self esteem at all would have anything to do with him if his personality is anything at all like his on-stage persona.

My dad thinks that Blue Collar Comedy is a hoot. But then he lives up north and not here in Oklahoma where we're surrounded by guys just like Ron and Larry. Not funny at all! x(

[evirus]

94. Jim Breuer

Prehaps if he didn't look like he did his shows stoned and/or drunk off his ass he would actualy be able to make a joke worthy of a laugh.

[HEyHEY]

95. Dane cook

[philosophie_en_rose]

96. COLIN QUINN

The unfunnier Mencia.

[Danger Mouse]

97. It is not possible to be unfunnier than Mencia.

It is simply not. possible.

[philosophie_en_rose]

101. It is possible. It's like holding two mirrors of unfunny against each other.

[Danger Mouse]

104. Possibly...

but Quinn is an unfunny asshole. Mencia is a stupid unfunny asshole who masquarades as a minority when he really isn't. He's about as Latino as George W. Bush.

[EFerrari]

116. The less colorful, unfunnier Mencia.

No kidding. At all.

[Danger Mouse]

117. Meh, nothing will ever suck harder to me than Mencia...

but Eddie fucking Izzard comes close.

[EFerrari]

120. lol

[baldguy]

100. Tony Clifton

But Andy Kaufman was amazing

[Danger Mouse]

105. I fucking hate Tony Clifton. That asshole.

Whatever happened to him? :P

[opiate69]

111. Judy Tenuta

Wow.. horrendously unfunny..

[Merrick]

114. Ralphie May

he's got the fact that he's nine thousand pounds and willing to be self deprecating and yet still can't manage to be anything but an annoying fucking hack.

[Wapsie B]

115. Drew Carey.

No contest.

[swag]

129. Oh, they're all pretty good for that.

[gemdem]

134. The Unknown Comic...

Pauley Shore, Andrew Dice Clay, are three who come to mind. I've blocked a lot of the other unfunnies out over the years.

[Broken_Hero]

137. Hmm, Larry the Cable guy is pretty bad...

hmm, its hard to come up with a definate #1 suck ass comedian....but, for now, my choice is LTCG....

[kskiska]

142. Woody Allen did fantastic standup

His "live moose strapped to the fender" routine was hilarious.

Another:

We used to argue and fight, we finally decided, we either take a vacation on Bermuda or get a divorce, one of the two things, and we discussed it very maturely, and we decided on the divorce, 'cause we felt we had a limited amount of money to spend, y'know. A vacation in Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something that you'd always have.

http://www.ibras.dk/comedy/allen.htm

[spacelady]

143. Martin Lawrence on SNL.

[T_i_B]

147. Jim Davidson

Not only is he a RW twat, but he's really unfunny.

[Orsino]

149. It's either Gallagher or Carrot Top. I propose a knife fight to settle it.

Larry the Cable Guy treads mighty close to that line, but even he shows flashes of brilliance.

[anti-everything]

150. Jim Gaffigan