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SoCalDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-14-04 05:17 PM
Original message
Funny Newspaper Headlines
Edited on Sat Feb-14-04 05:27 PM by SoCalDem
Some are just slips of the tongue

Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
House passes gas tax onto senate
Stiff opposition expected to casketless funeral plan
Two convicts evade noose, jury hung
William Kelly was fed secretary
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water
Farmer bill dies in house
Iraqi head seeks arms

Some become unintentionally suggestive

Queen Mary having bottom scraped
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope
Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over
NJ judge to rule on nude beach
Child's stool great for use in garden
Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors
Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
Organ festival ends in smashing climax

Grammar often botches other headlines

Eye drops off shelf
Squad helps dog bite victim
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Lawmen from Mexico barbecue guests
Miners refuse to work after death
Two Soviet ships collide - one dies
Two sisters reunite after eighteen years at checkout counter

Once in a while, a botched headline takes on a meaning opposite from the one intended:

Never withhold herpes from loved one
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984
Autos killing 110 a day, let's resolve to do better

Sometimes newspaper editors state the obvious

If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while
War dims hope for peace
Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
Cold wave linked to temperatures
Child's death ruins couple's holiday
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Man is fatally slain
Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation
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Cush Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-14-04 05:24 PM
Response to Original message
1. Governor's Penis Busy
Edited on Sat Feb-14-04 05:46 PM by Cush
Supposed to be: Governor's Pen Is Busy

This is my from Funny Quotes calendar
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flamingyouth Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-14-04 05:38 PM
Response to Original message
2. Farmer bill dies in house
That is one of my all-time favorites. It was in the Sunday NY Times crossword a few weeks ago, along with "Red tape holds up bridge." :7
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5thGenDemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-14-04 05:46 PM
Response to Original message
3. Circa 1970 in The Saginaw News
Boston pitcher Gary Peters suffered some long-since forgotten injury just before a big series against Detroit. Headline:
"BOSOX FACE TIGERS WITH PETERS OUT"
John
You can't make this stuff up, folks.
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waterman Donating Member (585 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-14-04 05:48 PM
Response to Original message
4. Those were good SCD. You sure seem to have a knack for posting
the intriguing and interesting items, if I may say so. I try to read most of your threads because I've been dazzled or amused more than once. Or occasionally bewildered. Thanks.
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SoCalDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-14-04 06:00 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. I bewilder myself sometimes
:silly:

I am easily distracted.. When I search google, I often misspell and find some odd ones..and I click on a picture and find the website attached interesting.. and then I just start following links..

I am easily amused :P
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waterman Donating Member (585 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-14-04 06:18 PM
Response to Reply #5
6. Ah, that explains it....just a terrible accident.
Well, thanks just the same. You've come up with some funky stuff.
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tigereye Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Feb-14-04 08:27 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. gotta love those dangling participles
no one ever seems to proofread anymore...

Thanks for a good laugh.
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