I am NOT asking for medical advice...

[LeftyFingerPop]

Remember, this is not a medical advice thread. I am simply asking for your general opinion, and perhaps a complete diagnosis/prognosis based on my following blood lab work. I'm trying to save a few bucks by not having to review these results with a doctor. I know that there are a lot of smart people in the lounge that can help me. REMEMBER....THIS IS NOT A MEDICAL ADVICE THREAD...SIMPLY LOOKING FOR OPINIONS. Thank you so very much.

17 Hydroxyprogesterone 1.7 mg/L
25-hydroxyvitamin D (25(OH)D) 74 ng/mL
Acetoacetate 2.0 mg/dL
Acidity (pH) 7.35
Alcohol 0 mg/dL
Ammonia 25 µg of nitrogen/dL
Amylase 57 units/L
Ascorbic Acid 1.7 mg/dL
Bicarbonate 24
Bilirubin Direct: 0.4 mg/dL
Blood Volume 9.0% of total body weight
Calcium 10.5 mg/dL
Carbon Dioxide Pressure 45 mm Hg
Carbon Monoxide 5% of total hemoglobin
CD4 Cell Count 1000 cells/µL
Ceruloplasmin 47 mg/dL
Chloride 98 mEq/L
Complete Blood Cell Count (CBC)
Copper Total: 104 µg/dL
Creatine Kinase (CK or CPK) 170 units/L
Creatine Kinase Isoenzymes 4% MB
Creatinine 1.2 mg/dL
Erythrocyte Sedimentation Rate (ESR or Sed-Rate) 13 mm/hr
Hematocrit 62%
Hemoglobin 18 gm/dL
Iron 140 µg/dL
Iron-binding Capacity 430 µg/dL
Lactate (lactic acid) Venous: 4.5 mg/dL
Arterial: 6.9 mg/dL
Lactic Dehydrogenase 100 units/L
Lead 40 µg/dL
Lipase 74 units/L
Zinc B-Zn 70
Lipids:
Cholesterol 190 mg/dL
Triglycerides 115 mg/dL
Magnesium 2.0 mEq/L
Mean Corpuscular Hemoglobin (MCH) 27 pg/cell
Mean Corpuscular Hemoglobin Concentration (MCHC) 36% hemoglobin/cell
Mean Corpuscular Volume (MCV) 80 cu µm
Osmolality 281 mOsm/kg water
Oxygen Pressure 96 mm Hg
Oxygen Saturation (arterial) 96%
Phosphatase, Prostatic 3 units/dL (Bodansky units) (acid)
Phosphatase 140 units/L
Phosphorus 4.1 mg/dL (inorganic)
Platelet Count 175,000 /mL
Potassium 3.7 mEq/L
Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) 3.1 ng/mL
Proteins:
Total 8.4 gm/dL
Albumin 5.0 gm/dL
Globulin 3.5 gm/dL

Prothrombin (PTT) 25
Pyruvic Acid 0.9 mg/dL
Red Blood Cell Count (RBC) 4.2 6.9 million/µL/cu mm
Sodium 115 mEq/L
Thyroid-Stimulating Hormone (TSH) 3.4 µ units/mL
Transaminase:
Alanine (ALT) 20 units/L
Aspartate (AST) 27 units/L

Urea Nitrogen (BUN) 7 mg/dL
BUN/Creatinine Ratio 35
Uric Acid Male 7.3 mg/dL
Vitamin A 65 µg/dL
WBC (leukocyte count and white Blood cell count) 7.6 × 103/mm3
White Blood Cell Count (WBC) 10,800 cells/µL/cu mm

[elshiva]

1. Results are in:

You definitely have the burping sighs.

Take two beers...

[LeftyFingerPop]

4. Before I do that...

I am going to do my "Home Nasal Swab" test that I purchased at the dollar store today.

:hug:

[charlie and algernon]

2. well you don't have lupus

[elshiva]

19. Bwhahahaa!

[rug]

3. Obviously you need to eat more carrots.

[LeftyFingerPop]

6. They don't have carrots at the dollar store...

In addition to trying to avoid another co-pay, I am now buying all my food at the dollar store.

My fucking credit card company just increased my rate to 84.7%.

Fuckers.

[Ptah]

5. Too much piehole!!!!!!!11!11!!!

[LeftyFingerPop]

7. It is common medical knowledge...

that one cannot have too much piehole.

[Ptah]

10. It is common scientific knowledge that it can be frozen. shut.

[LeftyFingerPop]

11. I'm not exactly sure what that is, but it looks kind of delicious.

[Ptah]

14. I wish I could say that I enjoy your posts

My wish has been granted!

[LeftyFingerPop]

17. I enjoy yours also. n/t

[elshiva]

Piehole!

[BuelahWitch]

8. You need to swap the Mean Corpusculars for some Nice Corpusculars

Or give the mean ones some chocolate or somethin'...:hi:

[LeftyFingerPop]

9. Is there a home test for that ?

:hi:

[EastTennesseeDem]

12. Your osmolality is a little high.

I don't know that for a fact, but "osmolality" sounds like the kind of thing that if I had 281 of it, I would have about 281 more than I should.

[LeftyFingerPop]

13. I'm working on lowering that right now...

with some muted reverberation.

[EastTennesseeDem]

15. Sounds soothing.

I don't know, I'm not a doctor or a hypnotherapist or anything like that but "muted reverberation" sounds like it could cure an amputated pinky toe.

[LeftyFingerPop]

16. They say that someday, humans will not have pinky toes...

....they will evolve right off us. That's why they tend to turn sideways.

[piratefish08]

18. obviously pregnant. looks like twins.

[ismnotwasm]

20. Did you know

That a not really medical rule of thumb is if your AST is approximately twice that of your ALT, someone has been drinking a tad more than is good for them?

Not the case here I see. What's up with the sodium?

[rcrush]

21. Does this look swollen to you?

[Rowdyboy]

22. The total absence of alcohol is somewhat troubling to me.....

Perhaps a transfusion would be in order.

Also, apparently you have both red and white blood cells but apparently no blue blood cells. Puzzling....

[busybl]

23. your're pregnant

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

24. You must increase your THC level by 300 percent.

Stat.