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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:21 AM
Original message
Does absence make the heart grow fonder?
I don't think so. I feel numb and really don't care.

Just testing something.
Thanks...


peace~
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Amerigo Vespucci Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:28 AM
Response to Original message
1. Depends.
I've come across an unfortunate number of people in my life...men and women...who have what psychologists like to call "abandonment issues."

For some people:

1). Absence opens old wounds

2). Absence causes "transference" (turning a current partner into a past partner who hurt you)

3). Absence kills relationships (depending on where each person is on the "cling" scale from 1 to 10)

I would say that unless you have two people in a Hallmark Card kind of relationship where they are both perfect and both are free from any past traumas or insecurities, absences...especially if they are frequent and/or extended...do not make the heart grow fonder.
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freshwest Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:37 AM
Response to Reply #1
5. No hallmark people in my life. But time has given me new perspectives.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:40 AM
Response to Reply #1
6. Thank you...
Amerigo

Once again ... you are truly an old soul.
You wrote what I felt to be true ... needed validation.
I've been free for years .... I think the recent traumas and absences are grinding my face in the dirt.
Hence, the numbness.

But I get a dirty face from eating chocolate like a little kid...;-)
Numb has its place ... in my little world.

Hope all is well with you ....


peace~
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MiddleFingerMom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:29 AM
Response to Original message
2. Sometimes absence makes the wand grow um... harter.
.
.
.
:hi:
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.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:44 AM
Response to Reply #2
7. OK...you...
MFM

I usually know what you're up to! :crazy:
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OH! :think:
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I think I just got it! Took long enough!
Good grief! It's in the spelling....
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:hi:
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Chan790 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:32 AM
Response to Original message
3. No.
Absence when unfilled makes people horny and they mistake that for increasing fondness for another.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:49 AM
Response to Reply #3
8. Hmmmm....
That's another way of looking at it..
Chan

But ... old people should be able to tell the difference ...



peace~
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Chan790 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 10:28 AM
Response to Reply #8
20. Don't mind my misanthropy.
I'm tainted on this by the fact that my one "healthy" relationship as an adult was a by-no-means healthy but merely prolonged long-distance relationship. I'm a bastard cynic.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 02:14 PM
Response to Reply #20
29. I'm sorry...
Chan

You are still young ...
I didn't detect misanthropy ... two way street.
Live awaits you....
With open arms...
Go for the gold...
Gold is on the inside...

In my long life ... only one long-distance relationship ...FAIL.



peace~
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freshwest Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:35 AM
Response to Original message
4. Yeah. I tend to focus on the best memories. The loss of loved ones is pain enough.
And no one is perfect and everyone thinks they're right.

Sorry that you're feeling sad tonight.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 12:56 AM
Response to Reply #4
9. That was sweet...
freshwest

I'm okay...really.
I'm not sad....just thinking about what is...and what is not.
I think someone else is tangled in memories ...
It takes a long time for some to let go ..... and that's normal.

It takes a person of character to speak the truth ...

I let go years ago....so I'm doing fine.
I hope you are, too...:hug:



peace~
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freshwest Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:05 AM
Response to Reply #9
10. Thanks and hugs to you, too. The is and is not thing, I believe is a function of polarity. Take Care
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EastTennesseeDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:06 AM
Response to Original message
11. Yes.
Yes. Yes yes yes.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 09:22 AM
Response to Reply #11
16. : )
EastTennesseeDem:hug:

I hope that was a happy Yes. Yes yes yes.
:hi:



peace~
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EastTennesseeDem Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 05:06 PM
Response to Reply #16
32. Haha. Sadly(ish)
My S.O. graduated from college last year and is working in Oregon while I'm still here at school in Nashville. I miss the living shit out of her.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 11:30 PM
Response to Reply #32
35. Bittersweet ....
Young love.
:loveya:
I guess there is some truth to that old adage.
May you soon be together again.

peace~
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rug Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:09 AM
Response to Original message
12. It's in direct proportion to how much he irritates you.
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:13 AM
Response to Reply #12
13. this
yes
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 09:37 AM
Response to Reply #12
17. That makes sense...
Hey rug:hug:
Irritation can be a prime factor, for sure. :D

I sit and think a lot.
Then go to sleep.....



peace~
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abq e streeter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:32 AM
Response to Original message
14. As you no doubt know, that depends on the person and the situation
But yeah, absence can certainly have that effect. I hope you're able to have that love in your heart without it causing pain, or at least not too much. Damn, that didn't come out like I wanted it to, but on the other hand, I guess I really don't even know what I'm trying to say. Glad to see these posts from you and hope you're OK.


abq
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 09:47 AM
Response to Reply #14
18. It's been a long time, my friend...
abq

Does anyone really know what they're trying to say here?
Nice to see you too....
I've not been around much...
I'm trying to survive in controlled chaos ;-)
Doing fine...

Yes, thank you, I'm Okay...
I'm Okay, You're Okay...

I need to pick up that book again...
Not that one... the other one.

Thank you so much...
:loveya:


peace~
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dimbear Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:52 AM
Response to Original message
15. Just remember these two rules: 'absense makes etc.' and 'out of sight out of mind.'
Now you're good to go.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:15 PM
Response to Reply #15
23. dimbear....
:hug:

I am good to go!
And you're right.... absence makes etc., as in peace of mind....

Have a bright and sunny day!



peace~
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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 09:54 AM
Response to Original message
19. i tell my kids they have to go away for me to miss them. but i think after a certain amount of time
opposite effect. get used to not having that energy so not a feel of without
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:27 PM
Response to Reply #19
24. wow...
seabeyond

That was a head trip...
I believe the first post you've ever typed that I didn't get!
And (believe it or not) I spend a lot of time reading GD.
I love you there..all that I could never be.
:loveya:


So.....what is this energy you speak of that enables you to not feel of without?
I truly want to know...

I do a lot of poetry and metaphor .... and I'm lost!
Thanks, sweetie.


peace~

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seabeyond Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 02:20 PM
Response to Reply #24
30. ah geez....
Edited on Sat Nov-12-11 02:22 PM by seabeyond
lol. this is my spiritual stuff. there is an energy that we all have. when someone has lived with you for a while, that energy lingers. is there. can tangibly feel it. it takes a while for that energy to disperse. not feel. while it is there, feeling it, thoughts of the person is readily there more often, than when the energy is not there to continually let you feel the person. then you have to mentally think the person, instead of feel the person.

hence the energy is part of your surrounding and you, so without the person, you feel like you are lacking something.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 11:20 PM
Response to Reply #30
33. Oh!
seabeyond:hug:
Thank you for the explanation .... I totally get it now.
And it makes sense ...quite true. When my SO moved out a few years ago I could still feel his presence for a while...
It was intense...and drove me to distraction ... I felt a tad crazy.
Thank goodness I only have to think of him now...
But they're good thoughts, as he's a good person. :-)

Thank you for taking the time to explain...



peace~

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Hepburn Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 10:52 AM
Response to Original message
21. I have never grown fonder of some asshole I have dumped.
Just glad to be rid of the problem.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:38 PM
Response to Reply #21
26. Problems can be problematic..
Hepburn

I've spent a lifetime dumping assholes.
Well...not all of them were, but they had to go.
There is a time to heal...

Rid-X pest control.... vermin.
Yes, I humor myself at times....


peace~



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bluethruandthru Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 11:01 AM
Response to Original message
22. Yes...Absence makes the heart grow fonder....of someone else!
A little absence can be good, but too much leads to straying - at least in my experience.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 02:06 PM
Response to Reply #22
28. I laughed...
Thank you, bluethruandthru

Stray dogs stray...
Ain't that the truth!
I think the experience is almost universal.
There are rare gems out there....

I had to smile...
Life is too short to build mountains from molehills.

Hope all is well with you now...:hug:

I only found the humor .... irony ...in my own life experience.
I hope that you are happy, bluethruandthru...



peace~
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blueamy66 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:38 PM
Response to Original message
25. YES
I am upset every Monday that my guy leaves for the week.

I miss him dearly. Sometimes I even cry. And we've been together for 8 years.

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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 01:45 PM
Response to Reply #25
27. Bittersweet ....
blueamy66

What you have is true love...
A treasure...

I've had what you speak of...but once in my lifetime.
I know the yearning...

I don't mean to be presumptuous, or to pry...
But I hope that circumstances may change for the two of you some day...
Together forever...always.

It is far better to have .... than to have not.
peace & love to you both~

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blueamy66 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 04:45 PM
Response to Reply #27
31. Ahhh...his job has its ups and downs....
we get a brand new company car every 2 years, insurance, a cell phone and high speed internet....

but, I think, I'd give it all up if he could be home EVERY NIGHT AND DAY....

He loves his job, he is good at it and I really shouldn't complain....

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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 11:26 PM
Response to Reply #31
34. Life as it is...
blueamy66

You deserve a hug....
There are scarifies to be made.
As long as there is love .... that's all that matters.
I wish both of you the best ...
Love is all we need ...



peace~
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blueamy66 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 05:30 AM
Response to Reply #34
41. thank you
I love him to death
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Rowdyboy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 11:37 PM
Response to Original message
36. Years ago, early in our relationship, my guy spent 3 summers away at graduate school getting his MS
Our reunions every couple of weeks were unbelievable-I felt (and acted)like a teenager at 40. I fulfilled SEVERAL fantasies in that dorm room.....

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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 11:46 PM
Response to Reply #36
38. Made me smile....
Rowdyboy

I'm happy you have those memories... and fantasies ....for real.
Reunions can be wondrous!
Is it not beautiful how love can strip us of our years?



peace~
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blueamy66 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 09:34 AM
Response to Reply #36
42. Yee Haw
sounds like me, at 45..... :-)
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-12-11 11:39 PM
Response to Original message
37. .......
Did anyone note the cryptic message in my initial post?

:shrug:

:-)


peace~
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bluesbassman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 12:12 AM
Response to Reply #37
39. Used to.
:(
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 12:39 AM
Response to Reply #39
40. ......
dear bluesbassman
No words needed..
much peace & love to you~
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Amaril Donating Member (447 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 10:31 AM
Response to Original message
43. In the immortal words of Pink
Go away, give me a chance to miss you
Say goodbye, it'll make me want to kiss you
I love you so much more when you're not here
Watchin all the bad shows, drinking all of my beer

Etc. :)
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blueamy66 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 11:18 AM
Response to Reply #43
44. perfect
nt
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 11:12 PM
Response to Reply #43
46. First time I've heard this song...
Amaril:hug:
Thank you....good song.

Sometimes we don't want to miss...and don't.

Yes, best when one is not present.....
Ever again.



peace~
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Grantuspeace Donating Member (111 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 11:44 AM
Response to Original message
45. Absence makes the heart grow "blonder". n/t
:)
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 11:15 PM
Response to Reply #45
47. : )
Grantuspeace:hug:
:hi:
Could be!

And I love your user-name


peace~
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cherokeeprogressive Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sun Nov-13-11 11:18 PM
Response to Original message
48. Nope. It makes the heart go YONDER. n/t
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 12:19 AM
Response to Reply #48
50. Yes!
cherokeeprogressive :hug:

That's true ... in my case.
But only if there is nothing there.

I was lost in a void....
Vacuums suck.

Finally saw light of day...
Disencumbered ... Smiles.

Oh for a song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDpVS7D9AJs

Settled in where everyone is kind...
All in my mind...space tripping. Peace.



peace~



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raccoon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Nov-14-11 10:09 AM
Response to Original message
49. No. "Out of sight is out of mind. " nt
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 12:27 AM
Response to Reply #49
51. : )
raccoon :hug:

First there is out of mind:
'What was I thinking?'
Then there is out of sight...and out of mind.

Obviously, not entirely out of mind.
I'm still in the afterglow.;-)




peace~

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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 12:37 AM
Response to Original message
52. I really was just testing something.
No one noted my cryptic OP. I answered my own question. I stayed away long enough to not care. I am free at last! All I did was cut a tiny red string. Life is good again.:-)




peace~

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TorchTheWitch Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 03:26 AM
Response to Original message
53. short term - perhaps, long term - no
In the short term I think it depends mostly on the individual and the relationship and probably the circumstances as well. Of course, how long or short the short term is would be relative.

In the long term I'd have to say no. The passage of time not only heals it forgets. New experiences fill the gap of time and focus attention, and memory of what once was becomes hazy. It's human nature to get on with, life to move on and go past what had been.


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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 08:46 PM
Response to Reply #53
55. Point taken ... understood ..
TorchTheWitch:hug:

I agree with the human nature aspect...
Life goes on ...
Lessons learned.

The memories may linger .... sans heart.



peace~

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sakabatou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 03:27 AM
Response to Original message
54. Sometimes.
Other times it makes me sad, angry and frustrated.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 09:03 PM
Response to Reply #54
56. I'm sorry...
sakabatou

Don't know your situation, but hope you're happier soon...

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sakabatou Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-18-11 02:49 PM
Response to Reply #56
59. My girlfriend is having family issues.
Thankfully, she got a used phone.
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applegrove Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 09:10 PM
Response to Original message
57. Nope.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-19-11 12:06 AM
Response to Reply #57
61. : )
applegrove

You're right ... at least we both think we're right.
And so we are!



peace~
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Skittles Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Nov-17-11 09:16 PM
Response to Original message
58. no; makes it go wander
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-19-11 12:12 AM
Response to Reply #58
62. Kick Ass reply!
Skittles

Although I'm not wandering .... just being...
Found out that if I kept my distance ... the flame died.

Just being is good :-)




peace~
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whistler162 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Nov-18-11 03:16 PM
Response to Original message
60. Nope but it grows flounder! I tired it just for the halibut.
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Dystopian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-19-11 12:30 AM
Response to Reply #60
63. !!!!!!!!!!
whistler162 :hug:

You need to know how funny that was!
Ironic.
I met him on Plenty of Fish!



:D





peace~
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deucemagnet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Nov-19-11 01:49 AM
Response to Original message
64. Absinthe makth the herrt grrrb plgth zzzzzzzzzzzz.......
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