Do YOU have a Thinking problem?

[underpants]

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.

I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, and her lower lip began to aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.

You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's", the week before, it was "Animal House".

Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I made the final step. I registered to vote as a Republican.

[MuseRider]

1. !!!

:hug:

[izzie]

2. After thinking about it I think it is pretty funny.

--

[ima_sinnic]

3. K & R!! great stuff

[underpants]

7. e-mail from a friend

at least I think it was :think:

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

4. .....

[The Doctor.]

5. "Hi Underpants."

My thinking problem started very young, around the age of 14. For a few years I dropped it, went cold turkey from it. I became a born-again Christian, started listening to Rush Limbaugh... it all seemed well and good.

But then, one day I woke up and had my first think of the day... at nearly 9 am.

Now I'm fully back into it.... and I can't stop.

It's made my life horrifying... thinking is my answer to everything now.

What will we do?

[underpants]

6. "Hi Doctor"

Too funny. Love the sig line too. :thumbsup:

[Mr_Spock]

11. why is Dumbya eating a squirrel?

it makes me laugh :D

[The Doctor.]

24. ...

"And not for the first time, G.W. Bush falls for an old Texas joke. The Crawford Resident didn't notice that he was the only one eating at the "Texas road-kill barbecue" held in his honor."

[Mr_Spock]

26. oh

I didn't see the writing in the sig previously...

[The Doctor.]

37. I stole the image. Don't know who 'shopped it.

But I added the description myself.

Originally it read;

"And not for the first time, the East Coast-educated G.W. Bush falls for an old Texas joke. Smiling Gene Dauby, an Authentic Texan, said, -"Well I reckon it took 'm three days before he gave up looking for the left-handed smokeshifter"- This time the Crawford Resident didn't notice that he was the only one eating at the "Texas road-kill barbecue" held in his honor."

But that wouldn't fit in the sig line.

[understandinglife]

8. K&R. Nifty!!

Never Forget: George W. Bush willfully violated National Security to cover-up his willful launch of a war of aggression and illegal occupation of Iraq.

[LisaLynne]

9. LOL!! nt

[Mr_Spock]

10. Very good

:D

[RaleighNCDUer]

12. LOL

I'm not supposed to be giggling at work, curse you!

[ChairmanAgnostic]

13. Bless me father, I have sinned. 3 independent thoughts this morning.

great stuff!

[welshTerrier2]

14. beautiful ...

loved it ... thanks ...

[saberjet22]

15. think, thank, thunk

Wonderful post. At least we're safe in this country, having a leader who has never been accused of having had a thought of any kind.

[Scriptor Ignotus]

16. Ah, but ain't that America?

---John "the Cougar" Mellencamp

[underpants]

29. Welcome to Du

an honest man's pillow is his peace of mind
-JC Mellencamp

[area51]

17. LOL.

Yes, it seems very few republicans think @ all; if they actually used their brains, they wouldn't vote republican. :evilgrin:

[progressoid]

18. I give this two thumbs up!!

:thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[Canuckistanian]

19. I started thinking in High School

My parents never knew. Then, one day, I corrected my father about the difference between debt and deficit.

My secret was out.


K&R!

[DinahMoeHum]

20. ". . .fill the glass up to the top. . ."

"Yes, I admit
I've got a thinking problem
She's always on my mind
Her memory goes round and round
I've tried to quit a thousand times
Yes, I admit I've got a thinking problem
Fill the glass up to the top
I'll start with loving her
But I don't know when to stop"

- David Ball - "Thinkin' Problem"


:evilgrin:

[Zorra]

21. I think that is an excellent testimonial.

Wasn't it Descartes that said,

"I don't think I am, therefore I'm not, I don't think"? Or something like that?

Or maybe it was the Moody Blues, or George Carlin....I can't remember.

Anyway, I don't wanna think about it anymore.
:beer:

[graywarrior]

22. My mother used to tell me "You think too much."

It got me in trouble my entire life. And I can't stop.

[recoveringdittohed]

23. Megadittoes,

You're a Great Amurrican, you gotta think over here so they don't have to think over there AAAAARGH :banghead:

[underpants]

28. Glad to see that you are on the road to recovery

Welcome to DU :hi: if'n I haven't before

[0007]

25. I quit thinking the day I got my dick stuck in a whiskey bottle.

[bonzotex]

27. I need help too! k/r

I've been thinking at inappropriate times and places.

Friends and family have expressed concern about my thinking.

I continue to think despite negative consequences.

I'm only happy when I'm with other thinkers who encourage my thinking.

I think every day and sometimes binge think until I pass out, unable to think one more thought.

In the morning, no matter how bad I feel, I will begin thinking again almost immediately and it's the only thing that makes me feel better.

It's too late for me. I tried sports, boy scouts, the military, church, conservatism, free republic, town hall. Nothing worked. I still sneak off to the bookstore or slide the slippery slope down into Progressive blogs. I almost turned on the TV tonight but went to a Democratic fundraiser and listened to Russ Fiengold, Jim Hightower and John Courage. The room was so full of happy thinkers the air hummed. The high was incredible. Maybe someday I'll hit my bottom.

Luckily, at least our country's leaders are free of thinking problems.

[ZanZaBar]

30. Do you THINK too much?

Do you THINK too much?

It is very hard to judge your own thinking patterns. Answer the questions below, and find out whether you should consider changing your habits.

1 - Has anyone ever expressed concern about your thinking habits or suggested that you cut down?

No, never
Yes, but more than a year ago
Yes, during this year


2 - Have you been responsible for accidents where you or others have been hurt, or could have been hurt, because you had been thinking?

Yes, during this year
Yes, but more than a year ago
NO, never


3 - Do you ever feel guilty or have a bad conscience after you have been thinking?

No
Yes, but not every month
Yes, every month
Yes, every week
Yes, almost every day or daily


4 - Do you ever find that you cannot stop thinking once you have started?

Yes, almost every day or daily
Yes, every week
Yes, every month
Yes, but not every month
No


5 - Do you ever find that you cannot live up to other people's expectations after you have been thinking?

No
Yes, but not every month
Yes, every month
Yes, every week
Yes, almost every day or daily


6 - After a night of thinking, do you start the next morning with a long think?

Yes, almost every day or daily
Yes, every week
Yes, every month
Yes, but not every month
No


7 - Do you ever experience black-outs after thinking?

No
Yes, but not every month
Yes, every month
Yes, every month
Yes, almost every day or daily


8 - How often do you think?

Never
Once a month at most
2-4 times a month
2-3 times a week
4 times a week or more


9 - When you think, how many thoughts do you have in one day?
1-2
3-4
5-6
7-9
10 or more


10 - How often do you think more than ten times in one day?

Never
Once a month at most
2-4 times a month
2-3 times a week
4 times a week or more


If you are able to answer any these questions, then you clearly think way too much.
Seek immediate reinforcement at http://www.freerepublic.com. Be wary, think nary.

[PegDAC]

39. This is priceless!

Where's my local Thinkers Anonymous?

[The Wizard]

31. Thinking can be dangerous

Since receiving this in a email I have joined Thinkers Anonymous. As everyone knows, thinking leads to all kinds of problems. If we elected Strom Thurmond back in 48 we wouldn't be having all these problems we have today. Now we have all kinds of thinking people. Some even think coloreds should have equal rights and be allowed to vote.:sarcasm:

[TheMadMonk]

32. Good one but...

older than the crust on your grand-daddy's underpants.

Still in these days of conspicuous consuperism, it's nice to see someone recycling.

[annabanana]

34. well, there's no new jokes...

just new ears.
(somehow I had missed this one)

[mojowork_n]

36. Yuk

Too much information in that comparison.

Besides, it's true. I still have a very vivid memory of being a
kid and hearing two of the grown-ups talking about my first
cousin, who (like all my other first cousins) was 20+ years
older than I was.

"She read too much as a child... Dostoevsky... Tolstoy...
...tragic..."

[Klukie]

33. Great post!

[Turbineguy]

35. Gadzooks!

I do believe you people just saved me many thousands of psychiatric treatment costs. I'll look for an electrician who can install a switch on my forehead. Two settings: Democrat (ON), Republican (OFF).

[TheCentepedeShoes]

38. Great !

I read this post before going to work this morning and thought about it all day.
Now I'm in all kinds of trouble for thinking on the job, not to mention the extra thoughts I had a lunch. At least Mr 'pede is a thinker, too, so I don't get in trouble at home.

[omega minimo]

40. Think you very much

:evilgrin:

[jus_the_facts]

41. A kick in the head for thinkers....

:toast:

:hi: UP...thanks for this...I sure needed a laugh today! :loveya:

[stepnw1f]

42. Awesome!!! (nt)