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Edited on Fri Apr-18-08 10:59 AM by Journalgrrl
I have been rolling this thought around in my head for a while and I am finally at a place where I need to check in and hear some reassurances from like minded folks! That said, I suppose there will also be those who tell me I am overreacting too...
I live in poverty with my 3 kids after leaving an abusive marriage 4 years ago. I am still struggling to get past the mental challenges in seeing that I don't believe in myself very much and feel pretty helples much of the time. Add to the fact that I am constantly having to ask my folks for help with a gas bill or groceries, and rely heavily on the donations of church members for clothes for my kids, etc.
We qualified for Hud assistance because of legal matters with my ex and a need for moving to a private location. I am enrolled in a special 5 year program to create goals and get sufficient enough to maybe even buy a house at the end of 5 years...(this is like 'honor roll' and I am really lucky to be considered driven enough to do this) I guess what I want to get across is that I am a poster child for getting off the system and have done it before. I hate the dehumanizing of welfare, and I am very stubborn when it comes to really asking for help. If the people in my life that help me weren't pushy about it, I wouldn't be out there soliciting for stuff..)
Recently, I began really dealing with the medical issues that have plagued me for over 6 years...my doc suggested applying for disability, which I did, and the following paperwork is just ridiculous...especially when they say I'd only qualify for $50 a week. My mom suggested I get food stamps...but they too want to know way more information than I am willing to give.
I have realized that I am scared of my government and don't want them to have any more lists with my name on it. I feel crepy enough having them involved with my housing...and worries about funding getting cut.
In recent months, more so than any time since 9/11 I have just felt that disturbing things are taking place, events lining up... and I will need to be more self reliant in a very different way. So poverty and all its lessons in "making things work" has its benefits. I live rurally, and would like to think that gives me some kind of cushion from whatever is coming. I don't believe that things will come to my door yet, but I am preparing for the inevitable crumble in infrastructure and loss of services that would come if the big cities were to devolve into chaos or Martial Law. It just seems like when faced with the choice to be self reliant vs accepting the government's "help" I would rather fade into the background, thank you. I have even declined to sign some petitions, etc lately because the information gathering could get me in trouble. If anything, I could be kicked off HUD one day for "anti-American" sentiments posted here, or sent in an email..
QUESTION: anyone else "watching their back" more often than not these days?
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