OK... What happened to the Rapture?

[Erika]

We had the Israel war which was supposed to bring the Rapture, etc. The fundies said W would bring the Rapture, etc. Just where is the Rapture?

[Bluebear]

1. It ruptured.

:shrug:

[dipsydoodle]

12. Beat me to it

:rofl:

[magellan]

2. It's been postponed

Too many wanted in who weren't worthy.

[Kutjara]

3. Waddya mean?

I'm up here in Heaven, having a fantastic time. You would not believe the mojitos that JC is whipping up at the Perpetual Pool Party.

Don't tell me you got left behind?

Gotta dash now. Richie Valens is about to start his set. I want to get a good seat (but then, they're all good seats).

[Syrinx]

4. tell Bear Bryant I said hi!

What do you mean he's not there? ;)

[lvx35]

6. hehehehehe. nt

[filer]

5. It's could happen any day.

I hope the fundies have changed their undies.

[Arugula Latte]

30. They won't need 'em --

They're gonna be NEKKID when Jebus sucks 'em up to Heaven! :woohoo:

[filer]

34. That'll be a sight for sore eyes,

thousands of naked goobers soaring into the blue. I'll want front row seats for that one!

[Why Syzygy]

7. Wasn't there mass

hysteria inducing death in some in 1000 AD? Been awhile since I read about that.

[eviltwin2525]

8. Jesus!

Would they PLEASE hurry up and have their FUCKING rapture, already? And leave the world to people who actually give a shit about it?

[snot]

10. Great comment! nt

[The Straight Story]

9. Got to wait on Iran

It ain't rapture until it all comes tumbling down at once.

And things have to get a lot worse in several other areas as well beforehand.

[Zhade]

44. Sarcasm, right?

NT!

[CC]

11. Which one and

which one's sect?:nosmileyforrollingtheeyesindisgust:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

19. What about this smiley?

:eyes:

[CC]

48. Too innocent looking

and not quite snarky enough.O8)

[CC]

49. delete DU hiccup n/t

[autorank]

13. Oh "E" of little faith;) It happened, the remains are nasty pod people.

They're non stop bots who will be neoons forever...and they don't die.

Sorry, I'm a TruthTeller in the bank of the eternal positive balance.

[prole_for_peace]

14. i thought i read it was postponed until Sept 12th.

it was a thread on du.

i don't know much about the rapture but is anyone supposed to know the day and time? i thought it was supposed to be a "surprise".

[RC]

15. It's a surprise only for us heathen non believers.

The believers always know when the rapture is coming, no matter how many they have lived through.

[EFerrari]

16. Really! What happened? I was counting on the rapture.

There's too much cheese whiz around here and not enough parking.

lol

[Philosoraptor]

17. It happened already, but only 32 folks made it to heaven.

[and-justice-for-all]

18. The Rapture is pretend...

Just like G-D, Jesus and religion in general.

[RebelOne]

20. The wackos at RaptureReady.com don't think

it's pretend. They are eagerly awaiting it. They think that any day now, Jesus is going to zap them up to heaven.

[and-justice-for-all]

21. Raptureready.com is a great laugh...

They can believe that all day long, but their theocracy is getting in my democracy and I dont particular care for that very much....

[RebelOne]

22. I visit Rapture Ready when I need a good laugh. n/t

[Why Syzygy]

29. It really pisses me off sometimes.

The BIBLE doesn't even teach the RAPTURE. Some crazy dudes made it up in the 19th century.
This is the TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY folks. Drop it already.
And it sure does get in the way. They are so sure they are going to escape the destruction of the planet, they just don't give a damn!

[and-justice-for-all]

35. I know the Rapture isnt in the bible....

Thats what makes it so funny...and I am fully aware that it is also the 21st Century; silly dogmas and redicules superstitions (that are continuesly fed to people in order to maintain control of the weak minded) are an endangered species...

Religion is a dinosauer trying to survive in an enviroment that it is no longer needed in.

Religion ruled once...it was called the Dark Ages.

[Why Syzygy]

37. I was yelling at them.

not you :D

[and-justice-for-all]

43. 10-4...

[ClintonTyree]

23. Shoot, the "rapture index" is only at 158.........

2003 High 177 2004 High 157 2005 High 161 2006 High 160
2003 Low 133 2004 Low 135 2005 Low 143 2006 Low 151

Record High 182 Record Low 57
24 Sept 01 12 Dec 93

It looks like they're going to be waiting a while. I'm sure they're bitterly disappointed. Cheer up guys, if anyone can hasten the end of the world as we know it, it's your boy Bush! ;)

On edit: it looks like the all-time "rapture low" occurred during the Clinton Administration. How could that be? I thought he was the devil incarnate? :shrug:

[mcscajun]

28. Myabe They think Clinton was the devil incarnate...

...but only Bush is actively working to Bring about the Rapture, or so the fools think.

[ms liberty]

24. God postponed it; it will be rescheduled at a later date

He decided he couldn't cope with those assholes right now.

Interviewed recently, God commented, "Hey, I'm only a God you know. Those people would get up here and start hounding me all the time about everyone they think shouldn't be here. All I'd here from them is 'Who's that Ghandi puke? Why's he here and not the sainted President Reagan?' and 'Hey, that Mohammad guy is a MUSLIM!'" God added sorrowfully, "How they could screw up my message so thoroughly is beyond me. Didn't I tell them that the whole judgement thing was my job, not theirs? I'm tempted just to wash my hands of them, but none of the other deities want anything to do with them, either. And my Son! Well, Jesus is just livid! Every time he goes down there to check on things, something terrible happens. In the last five years he's been captured and tortured in Gitmo and Abu Ghraib, rendered and tortured in Uzbekistan and parts unknown, and drowned in New Orleans. I may have to unleash my wrath just to cleanse the planet of those idiots!"

[deutsey]

25. You'd think fundies would remember that Jesus himself said

no one knows (including himself) when the End will come, only God.

It's right there in their Bible...but then again, so is all that stuff about loving your enemies, caring for the poor, and seeking peace and justice, and they do a great job of ignoring all that, too.

[Nightjock]

26. I'm floating up NOW

a little "Wake and Bake".....

[mcscajun]

27. Ticketmaster knows...

Rapture Pre-sale begins November 2, 2008
You will need your RaptureReady™.com or ChickTracts™ Pre-Sale passcode to purchase your Rapture pre-sale tickets.
Opening Act: REM (in some venues)

Don't bother checking Ticketbastard's site...In the words of Foghorn Leghorn: It's a Joke, son!

[ruggerson]

31. It will occur in thirty business days

n/t

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

32. Cancelled due to lack of funding from the believers.

The preachers underestimated how much they could make off the suckers. Not to mention the high cost of condos in Heaven.

[leesa]

33. Fortunately, the Israeli wars just go on and on so the Rapture predictions

are never on hold for long. Last date I heard was September 12th.

[WritingIsMyReligion]

36. Some nutjob thinks it's going to happen on September 12th.

I'm hedging my bets that if a rapture happens, only the neocons will be left behind.

[RebelOne]

45. But other nut jobs thought it would happen on August 22.

There are a lot of disappointed nut jobs right now.

[TheFriedPiper]

38. uhoh, don't upset the rapturists, they got thin skin!

They get pretty bent out of shape when you suggest to them that they shouldn't ever drive, since they are willingly (at least they believe) putting others at risk of them being raptured while moving down the highway, causing accidents and death.

Maybe they just figure we 'left-behinders' deserve what we get for not being 'good christian death cultists'.

Maybe they really don't believe as much as they profess to.

After all, faith is a man's belief in what he knows to be untrue.

[Rainscents]

39. I thought, it was on Aug 22???

What happened? Did God forgot?:eyes:

[guinivere]

40. Cancelled. Too many concession and vender problems.

Plus the white rapture gowns weren't ready.

[pitohui]

41. heh it didn't happen did it?

i see i heard the same theory as you, that it would come to pass between aug 22 and sept 2

oopsie

[PresidentWar]

42. I can't believe I slept through it.

[RebelOne]

46. I wish it would happen soon. I could sure use

a new car, preferably an abandoned Cadillac El Dorado or even a Mercedes would do fine.

[and-justice-for-all]

47. It was CANCELLED.

[NMMNG]

50. Same place it's always been and always will be.

In the fertile imaginations of fundamentalist whackjobs.