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You wrote, The title question is not intended to be a rhetorical question. I have one answer. It seems that, at least when nuclear weapons were first introduced, those at the highest levels in political and military hierarchies were as vulnerable as ordinary soldiers and civilians when it comes to nuclear weapons. Leaders might be less likely to launch aggressive wars to become "conquering heroes" if they are no safer than the cannon fodder that they send out.
When nuclear weapons were created, plans were made for the political and military hierarchies to survive attack. Leaders have always been vulnerable to assassination: JFK, "Murder Inc.", Indira Ghandi, Hitler, many attempts on Saddam Hussein, Kaddafi, Castro. On 911, Rice and Cheney went into nuclear-hardened bunkers, the Pentagon was hit directly, and then came the anthrax attacks.
A few years ago, India and Pakistan escalated near nuclear war; India pointed out that it could easily absorb whatever Pakistan threw at it, but Pakistan would be wiped out. So just having nukes isn't necessarily an effective deterrent.
If you read PNAC's "Rebuilding America's Defenses", even the neocons don't want bigger weapons, they want smaller weapons, small tactical nukes, bunker busters, bioweapons that target specific groups, etc.
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