I need help in responding to this. I'm so angry I can't think straight.

[monmouth]

Thanks in advance for any help you can render. This is from an uncle of mine....

Dear Abby...

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse,
everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a
new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot
the bull with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.Since
our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and
hints that I may be a lesbian.What should I do?
Signed, Clueless...

Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore.
You're a United States Senator from New York, Act Like one!

[meegbear]

1. ...

Dear Abby:

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.

My problem is this: I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my uncle who voted for Bush?

Signed, Worried About My Reputation

[Hubert Flottz]

5. LOL!

[Vinca]

14. The perfect response.

:rofl:

[blogslut]

Try this

Dear Uncle ________,

I am fine and all is going well in our household. I am sorry to hear that you have lost the ability to write about yourself and your life and must resort to copy/pasting lame jokes in order to remain in contact with your relatives. I hope you understand that I would rather read words written by you and learn of events going on in your actual life. Our time on this earth is so short. We are family. Let's act like family.

With love,
__________

[renate]

26. very nice!

:applause:

[Felix Mala]

17. During the Clinton years, when someone blew something

it wasn't a war with hundreds of thousands and needless deaths.

[RedEarth]

49. LOL....that's wonderful... I'm sending it to winger friend......

[KayLaw]

2. Just plain silly.

Sounds like your poor uncle is the one who needs to grow up.

[Kookaburra]

3. You don't need to respond

Someone obviously thought this was funny -- it isn't -- and thought you would laugh at it -- you didn't. Just ignore it. There is lot more important stuff out there that merits your outrage.

Meanwhile, I'm sending you calming light. Let the small minded have their little jokes. It's the person who laughs last that counts.

Peace!
SJ

[demnan]

4. Dear Uncle,

Since I don't really have time to read political stuff, please stop emailing me anything except personal email greetings. Thank you. Your niece or nephew.

[Hubert Flottz]

9. Dear Uncle Karl Rove...

You are a dipshit!

[Skittles]

6. ask him

why he is still hung up on ancient history while the current president is getting people KILLED EVERY FUCKING DAY

[Demit]

7. I agree, ignore it. Your uncle will be frustrated to get no rise out of you,

and in a day or so your anger will dissipate. It's small potatoes in the scheme of things.

[ScreamingMeemie]

8. Tell him you're sorry that your aunt used such a public forum to air

her marriage difficulties. :hi:

[Judi Lynn]

10. Why aren't you too busy for pointless e-mails from your uncle?

Sounds as if he thinks you're a right-wingding, stupid enough to enjoy such fool's play.

Maybe you should convince him you're not.

[Atman]

11. Wow, and people thought I was nuts for being upset about Pelosi's day off!

Chill. Spoof e-mail crap like this has been around for as long as the internets.

.

[TreasonousBastard]

12. Why so angry? This stuff...

goes on all the time and we do the same to them.

Just ignore it if you don't think it's funny.

[izzie]

13. The GOP always does this

Things get bad for them so back to Clinton, I have seen others. They also bring up how bad the vets from Vietnam were treated. I guess it is a step up from the Civil war. Like blaming your life going bad on a ex.

[monmouth]

15. Many thanks to all of you. I shall ignore, cross him off my Christmas card list....

[Sweet Freedom]

19. I disagree

The only way to stop your uncle from sending you this garbage is to make him stop. My brother used to do this to my mom and I and it was so upsetting. His e-mails were infuriating and that anger would last with us more than one day (we'd get e-mails where the punchline was that all the liberals had been killed, and he knows we're liberals.)

Anyway, I always replied to his stupid e-mails. I used Snopes, DU and my own thoughts and feelings (I so oppose this type of propaganda, I proposed the DU Debunker group to help refute this crap. http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=284)

Long story longer.... He's still a wingnut, but I know he stops and checks the validity of the crap he sends out... and I can't remember the last time I got an e-mail from him!

I'd send back the first reply to your post (which was hysterical). In fact, reply to all. He'll get the idea and while you may get a nasty response to that message, I bet eventually, you'll no longer be on his "send this to everyone you know" list.

Edited to add link.

[Buzz Clik]

16. Men who are intimidated by Hillary are swinging an empty sack.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

18. Dear Ann Landers,

My husband is driving me to drugs and I spend most of my days in a pill popping haze. He is a mass murderering sociopath and i don't know what to do.
He started off harmlessly enough, blowing up frogs, drinking and drugging his way through college, making his Bones and going AWOL during the Viet Nam War. I wasn't an angel either, having sold marijuana in college and running over an old boyfriend when I was 18.
My husband then entered into disastrous business deals that his daddy continued to bail him out of, and owned a baseball team where steroid use was rampant. Remarkably he became governor of his state and had the most amount of state executions during his reign. He later when on to steal the 2000 Presidential Election, and was selected by the Supreme Court in which two of the justices who made the decision, where invoived through family in his campaign.
Since then he has put his country into the dumper. Eroding the Constitution, declaring a war on Terror, which can have no end, started an illegal, unjustified war that has killed over 3000 of our soldiers, maiming for life thousands more, and at the same time, directly or indirectly was behind the death of 650,000 innocent citizens of the country he invaded.
Then does Katrina ring a bell? Millions of lives forever changed due to his (deliberate) inaction....
He is also systematically destroying the educational system, our environment, and the middle class.
Ann, what should I do?
LB in La La Land

[marions ghost]

20. excellent

perfect reply.

No reply will encourage more such email. This reply would discourage it.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

32. That is exactly what I was thinking when I wrote this. Thank you! nt

[Eurobabe]

21. LMFAO, great response!!

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

33. Thank you! eom

[ncrainbowgrrl]

22. I LOVE IT!!!

:applause:

Take a bow!!

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

36. Awwwww shucks!

Peace!

[Zuiderelle]

23. LOL

:thumbsup:

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

37. ...........

Thank you!

[dogday]

24. Dear LB in La La Land

Impeach the Son of a Bitch......, Do not pass go, do not collect 200.00 dollars...

Impeach him and end the war now....

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

29. Amen. nt

[Brewman_Jax]

25. Here's an old one you can use...

DEAR ABBY,

My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit card bills. At the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and let our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.

Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more.

Also, he has gotten religious in a big way, although I don't quite understand it. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ. And now he has been going to the gym an awful lot and is into wearing uniforms and cowboy outfits, and I hate to think what that means.

Finally, the last straw. He's demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath. It's just so horribly creepy!

Can you help?

Signed,
Lost in DC

DEAR LOST:

Stop whining, Laura. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with him for four more years!

[Lex]

28. Ha! Yes, if it were me, I'd send that in reply for sure.

:thumbsup:

[mnhtnbb]

45. Best answer here.

[porphyrian]

27. How about this: stop buying and reading that fucking paper. - n/t

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

30. Please Tell Me You Were Not Serious.

The email is harmless and mildly humorous (though quite old). I sincerely hope you truly were not so angry that you could not think straight. If you were, my only advice would be to not take things in life so seriously, as doing so can have severe consequences on your health.

[ProfessorGAC]

31. Oh, Then That Settles That!

As long as you aren't angered by it, nobody else should be? Did i miss the memo on OMC becoming arbiter of outrage?

You lost me on your whole point when you said it was mildly humorous. I would suggest it was sophomoric and stupid. Didn't even slightly seem funny.
The Professor

[sniffa]

34. nice

here it comes.... :bounce:

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

35. Sorry Bub, But Anyone Getting So Angry That They Can Not See Straight Over Something So

amazingly petty and harmless, most CERTAINLY is taking it far too seriously and needs to lighten up. My advice to the poster was sound. Getting that angry over such harmless stupidity is most definitely not healthy.

And yes, though I did consider it mildly humoring at best, it was definitely moreso sophmoric and stupid. But either way getting enraged to the point of blurred vision is by far an overdramatic reaction and a sign that a vacation is needed.

[ProfessorGAC]

39. In Your Opinion

That's the part you seem to be forgetting, OMC.

In your opinion, the OP is taking it too seriously. That doesn't make it so. It just makes that your POV. That's fine. You're entitled to have any opinion on the matter you wish. But, it doesn't make it a fact.

And, don't forget: I never said i was angry about the email. So, we can't hang that reaction on me.
The Professor

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

40. Yes Mr.GAC, That Is All Any Of Us Have. But Some Carry More Legitimacy Than Others.

Sure, that does not make it so or fact, as no opinion has the power to do such, but it does align with what would undoubtedly be the concurring opinion of an absolutely overwhelming majority of people. Furthermore, anyone declaring to ignore it is in essence saying the same thing; that it was being taken way too seriously and should not be paid attention to. I simply took a more concerned route and spoke the truth plainly, as I get concerned when I see someone taking such ridiculous things in life so seriously, since it most definitely is not healthy. I do not think it would be outside of the realm of what is common for someone to advise another to lighten up when they have a far more dramatic reaction and anger to a situation then the situation warranted.

You are free to have whatever opinion you would like, as you stated. But do not expect me to ever think that it is rational for a second that receiving a silly and harmless email is appropriate cause to justify being so angry that one cannot see straight.

And do not forget: I never hung any reaction on you to begin with, so I am not sure why you felt the need to offer some reminder as if I had.

[Catherine Vincent]

44. "You are free to have whatever opinion you would like,..."

Thank you! ;-)

[ProfessorGAC]

Because It Seemed like You Forgot

You got awfully intense about making the same point again. I wanted to be sure that you remembered that it was not my sentiment. I was merely defending the OP's right to get mad at what she thought was a stupid letter from her uncle. Since neither you nor i know the uncle or the poster personally, there may be circumstances of which we're unaware. Those circumstances could trigger a reaction that seems silly to you. Maybe, maybe not. But, it seemed unproductive to reply the way you did, and made it clear who has legitimate opinions and who does not. For that, you have my thanks.
The Professor

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

54. Mr.GAC, I Kindly Request You Provide The Following:

Out of absolute curiosity on my part, I would like to request that you provide any realistic, logical, rational or feasible scenario; rhetorically of course; that would justify someone getting angry to the level of not being able to see straight based on this specific email.

I am quite curious to see what possible realistic scenarios could fill these potential circumstances that we may be unaware of, as you put it, in order to justify the rage.

Thanks.

[ProfessorGAC]

53. DUPE

.

[EstimatedProphet]

38. You could try this...

Dear Uncle Bumblefuck:

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Enough of your asinine crap. The country and the world is going to hell precisely because of people like you, and all you can do is gripe about CLINTON? Get over it already! Clinton left office 6 years ago! hillary isn't able to do a damn thing to you either. YOU are the one who waves flags about the war which is killing YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS, YOUR NEIGHBORS, YOUR FRIENDS, and FOR NO GOOD REASON! We were lied into the war, but you'd rather hold onto the lies even at the expense of fellow Americans lives. How is that any different than you killing them personally? How is that any different than you walking up to them and shooting them in the head?

I don't talk to murderers. Never email me again.

Sincerely,

You

That's what I might try doing...of course, I'm so fed up that if assholes kept trying to email me and force their views down my throat I'd be done with them in a hurry.

[LeftishBrit]

41. Dear Auntie Agony

I am an elderly man from an upper class family, and have achieved a high position in my career. My problem is my son. I have always given him the best of everything; sent him to a prestigious university; aided him in his various business ventures; and given him every support when he finally chose to follow me into my own chosen career. Indeed, I have often been annoyed and frustrated by unjust complaints that I have helped him too much at the expense of others, and even acted dishonestly in the level of support that I (and other family members, especially his brother) have given him.

In the past, he had a problem with alcohol and I had to help him when he got into legal difficulties as a result. However, the problems now are of a different nature. Ever since embarking on his present career, there have been constant complaints about his spending the shareholders' money wastefully, not responding appropriately to emergency situations, not co-operating with others, and starting constant fights, in which he involves lots of other people. Fortunately, he had a very loyal board of directors who did his bidding in all these things, but sadly the shareholders just demanded a complete shake-up, and replaced the board of directors with one that seems intent on opposing him and causing trouble for him wherever possible - I am thinking especially of a very uppitty woman called Nancy. Moreover, he always had great support from a business group located in another country, whose chairman ("T") seemed to want a merger with his organization; but now "T" is having his own problems with shareholders, and is likely to be soon replaced by another chairman ("G") who appears much less supportive.

It is seriously affecting my son's ability to function adequately. I continue to give him whatever help I can. After all, what high-spirited boy DOESN'T need support from his father every now and then - and my son is only 60 after all! However, the constant endless fighting is getting everybody down; and now he refuses even to consider the advice that my friends and I have been trying to give him in order to get out of this mess. I'm getting afraid that if something isn't done soon, the board of directors might consider disciplinary proceedings that could result in his dismissal; or even that someone might attempt to institute criminal proceedings against him.

It's reaching the point where it's affecting the standing and reputation of my entire family. I'd been hoping to help his brother to rise in the same career, and a few years ago it looked as though he had every chance of reaching the highest position. But now potential employers just won't consider him, as soon as they know his name. What can I do to rescue my son and at the same time save the family name from disgrace?

Worried Father in Kennebunkport.


Dear Worried,

There are three possible solutions, depending on your personal beliefs and other aspects of the situation. One is abstinence; one is birth control; and one is abortion. However, any one of these would have needed to be practiced in 1945 to be really effective. So I haven't much advice to give you, except to suggest that your son might benefit from a one-way trip to Pluto; and you could consider the possibility of following him there, together with your wife, your other son, and your boy's great overseas friend and business partner "T".

[chelaque liberal]

42. This seems to be a trend that I have noticed in the last few days.

I have received two totally baseless (and tasteless) jokes where Hillary was the butt. The "joke" in both was that she was a frigid lesbian. It is pointless to try to reason with people who forward crap like this. They have bought into the image that the RW has projected on Hillary and no amount of fact will change it. Unfortunately there are a lot of them out there.

This really concerns me because the media is cramming it down our throats that Hillary is the Dem front-runner for 2008. I fear that this is a self fulfilling prophecy; if we hear it enough we (they) will accept it as fact and it will be a done deal. No matter how qualified she is or how false the fabricated image of her is, she is already smeared by these idiots.

If you have any doubt about the mentality of the average American voter, watch The Red State Road Trip over at Truthout. I saw it on Link TV last night and was truly depressed.

[treestar]

43. I usually let them know what I think

Try to in a nice way - He will not change his mind from one challenge, but several over time can add up. Assuming he is a right wing type, something like: Funny, but there's no evidence Bill continues to cheat, and of course George will "lose his job" the same way.

I hate being accused of not having a sense of humor, but a joke that is unfair and just twisted to make the joke loses its effectiveness, so legitimately it isn't funny. As a joke, it's just lame due to it not being based on the truth. To be funny, there needs to be a certain truth being pointed out.

Right wingers are trying to get you with this. They have no sense of humor, that's why their jokes are so unimpressive. They aren't even laughing themselves. They didn't make this up for a laugh, they made it up to send around to libruls and make them "see the light."

[AngryAmish]

46. Cut all contact with him.

Cut him from your life completely. Make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that any family member who communicates with said uncle in the future is completely dead to you. It may seem painful but these people must be dealt with. Yours is a small step to take.

[specimenfred1984]

47. Here ya go: Dear Abby:

My husband was recently arrested, ass-raped, beaten, attacked by dogs, dragged around by his neck, photographed naked with a gun pointed at his head, waterboarded, subjected to freezing temperatures for 24 hours at a time, flown to another country, piled on top of other naked prisoners and held for 2 years with no explanation. What can I do about it?

Dear wife, nobody was tortured, it was all just a prank. Why do you hate God and America?

[krispos42]

48. Dear Beloved Uncle,

Dear Beloved Yet Confused Uncle,

The Clintons are independently wealthy enough to not need Hillary to be elected to the Senate to pay the bills.

As to the 'husband' being a liar and a cheat, well, there is a laundry-list of major, major lies you can blame the current President of. A brief summary:

• We're not spying on your emails and phone calls without a warrant
  
• We're spying on your emails and phone call without a warrant, but we only did it after 9/11
  
• We don't need a warrant to spy on your emails and phone calls because I have the inherent executive authority to do so if I deem it in the interests of national security
  
• Al-Qaeda had a base of operations in Iraq
  
• Saddam and Al-Qaeda were in an alliance to support international terrorism
  
• Saddam and Osama Bin Laden worked together to destroy the WTC
  
• Saddam had stockpiles of modern biological and chemical weapons
  
• Saddam had fixed and mobile factories to rapidly make large quantities of chemical and biological weapons
  
• Saddam was resurrecting his nuclear weapons program
  
• The invasion of Iraq will pay for itself
  
• The invasion of Iraq will only need 130,000 troops
  
• The invasion of Iraq will only cost a few billion dollars
  
• Iraq is the central front of the War on Terror
  
• We didn't order the torture at Abu Ghrahib prison
  
• We don't torture in Guantanamo Bay
  
• The people in Guantanamo Bay are being investigated in a prompt and just manner

As a successful and well-loved former president, who concluded his constitutionally-limited 2nd term in office with a strong economy, peace, a high approval rating, and a budget surplus, it is not expected of him, in his retirement, to hold any other job other than an activist for humanitarian causes, lecturer, and author. What, you want him working down at the local IHOP

Unlike such right-wing political leaders as Newt Gingrich, when the Clintons' marriage hit a rough spot, they worked through it, remaining committed to each other, their daughter, and their Christian values instead of doing the un-Christian act of divorce and remarriage.

As to the lack of physical intimacy, well, wasn't Laura Bush spending a few months living in the Watergate Hotel because George was a little to intimate with Condelezza Rice?

At least Monica Lewinsky was good-looking and young.

Peace and Prosperity on you,
Monmouth

Hope this helps!

[Guaranteed]

50. Pretty tame.

Bagging on the Clintons really doesn't offend me, anyway.

[Madspirit]

51. Blow him off

I'm not someone who blows this kind of stuff off easily. It can make me so angry it hurts my stomach. That said, I agree with the folks who say to blow him off...BECAUSE...nothing will irritate him more.
Madspirit

[ieoeja]

52. That's actually funny.

Sorry. Yet, while Clinton as "womanizer" jokes have been done to death, and 99.44% of them are either lame or insensible, I happen to think this particular joke was is actually pretty good.