Is there an Alzheimers support group for caregivers on DU anywhere?

[bamademo]

I could seriously use one. My father died in March so I as oldest divorced sibling with "no responsibilities" guess who has moved in with her and is responsible for getting the house ready for sale. I'm the executor and Guardian of her. Mostly she's okay but sometimes she just gets in really crazy mode like accusing me of taking 50 year old clip on rhinestone earrings. I told her she was acting like a crazy person and obsessing about it and she threatened to call the police on her for calling her crazy. :-( Somedays she fine, just vague.

[DesertFlower]

1. my mom was living on her own

when she got dementia. she had auditory hallucinations, i.e., neighbors were killing children and were going to kill her. then she accused me of talking on the phone and conspiring with them to get her money which wasn't much. she started to go to the other tenants (senior community) and telling them that murderers were living there. i knew that i had to do something. i found a social worker who guided me. i put her in a hospital where they had geriatric psychiatrists. she spent about 3 weeks there which gave me time with the help of the social worker to find a small group home near my house. after 3 months thankfully she passed away in her sleep. i don't want to sound cold, but that's what she wanted. for years she kept saying that she wanted to die.

[Mojeoux]

2. Please be on her doctors case about everything, and try not to call your Mama crazy Bama.

She could very well be a little crazy, but it doesn't work to say so.
Find out what you can about her medications. She may be over "medded" or she might need an anti-depressant, they have helped lots of old people who everyone thought were just old cranks.

You can message me if you want, I found that changing the subject was a workable tactic with my Mom.

I miss her now.

[Better Today]

3. You seem to lack any type of understanding of what you're dealing

with. I suggest you get an education about Alzheimers so you learn some better tactics and a clearer way of thinking about her disease. She's not crazy! WTF is the matter with you?

[SargeUNN]

6. Nice delivery on your message

nothing so impressive as telling someone to be careful how they use words and then end with WTF is the matter with you. Very nice way to end what would otherwise be a good post. I am sure if it were me I would feel like listening to someone that does just what they are telling me NOT to do.

[Better Today]

7. He/she doesn't have Alzheimers and shouldn't need to be "handled"

[kiva]

12. Can't speak for anyone else, but my sympathy level for this OP is gone..

in previous post he/she has made it clear that his/her main concern is mom's "estate" (translation: the money mom has that could be helping to support her in a place where people don't call her crazy, but would negatively impact the amount of money the OP will inherit).

[TwilightGardener]

4. You posted about this last week (the inheritance/estate). You need more help than we can give.

Please talk to her doctor, ask him or her to point you to resources (social worker, caregiver support, etc.) in dealing with your mom. Family member home care isn't always the best situation, especially if you're overwhelmed with her emotional and cognitive changes.

[TwilightGardener]

10. Forgot to mention, the story you relate in which your mom thinks

you stole her earrings is actually very common among people with Alzheimers and other dementia. I lived through that personally with a relative, and dealt with it professionally--they become very suspicious, think people are either making fun of them, talking about them, or stealing their stuff. It's part of their mental decline, IMO--they are losing the ability to reason and analyze, and feel very vulnerable. Try not to let it get you down, even though it can be distressing to deal with. Good luck.

[tsuki]

5. Where are you? What state?

[Hekate]

8. Look up your local Area Agency on Aging

Look up your local Area Agency on Aging -- they have good resources, and in an effort to help my brother get our mom transitioned to assisted living near him I did the research.

Each area is a bit different though: in my county you can walk into the public library and pick up a printed directory that is quite comprehensive, but in my brother's county where our mother moved, there is no such thing and when I finally got to talk to a person, she told me proudly that they have put all their info on a website (to which, as I pointed out, many old people and many poor people have no access).

Nonetheless, using my own county's printed directory as a guide to what sort of services would be available, I was able to get a lot of useful information between their not-so-brilliantly-laid-out website and several hours telephoning actual people, who were helpful and informative when I got through to them.

As best you can, keep your sibs in the loop about what's going on. They need to know, and I hope they can at least help you by listening. Getting her to a gerontologist for a full evaluation of her meds and her health is a good idea. My mom refused to take "happy pills" but she absolutely could have benefitted from a good anti-depressant. Trying to get a social worker involved would be helpful.

Someone already mentioned that having a parent live with their grown child is not always optimal, and I definitely second that. Everything from personality conflicts to 24/7 care can be exhausting. Again, try to keep your sibs apprised of developments so there are no surprises if you as Guardian decide she needs to be in assisted living. Feel no guilt if you go that route -- I have seen some very nice places. Also some dumps, so it pays to look around.

Best of luck to you as you negotiate this difficult transition to parenting your parent. :hug:

Hekate

[izzybeans]

9. Agree with poster above. There are also good national resources as well. AOA is helpful.

http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/home.jsp

[elleng]

11. NOT a good idea

to tell her she was acting like a crazy person and obsessing.

DO find a 'group' or other means of help, for yourself.

Alzheimers, or dementia?

Some good suggestions here.

[superduperfarleft]

13. Hang in there. You'll have that inheritance before you know it. n/t

[Hekate]

14. That's a weird thing to say. I have friends whose parents lived over a decade in the Twilight Zone

... needing increasing levels of care. Careful management of the "estate" was especially needed in order to see that they got that care. My friend L managed to make her mother's money last right to the end, only to have her brother and other relatives who had never bothered to visit the old lady in the assisted living facility show up in time to read the Will and wonder where on Earth all that money went -- she finally told her brother to go ask the judge with whom she'd been filing mandatory financial reports all those years.

At my age I've seen a lot of adult offspring become parents to their parents. When it gets to be your turn you better pray that your mom and dad have enough money for their ongoing care for many years. It's no picnic.

Hekate

[superduperfarleft]

15. The OP has posted numerous times whining about how "her" inheritance is going to be spent.

Save the finger-wagging and assuming that you know fuck-all about my situation and what I need to be "praying" for. I bought my mom a LTC policy and have no intention of ever seeing a dime of her money. Unlike the OP.

[Hekate]

16. Then I erred from too little info about the OP. Have only seen this one post.

Best of luck to you and yours.

Hekate